Romanticide

Solution!

2007-06-01T14:34:50Z

I have come up with a solution for my fanfiction irritations.

1. I'm keeping romanticide_shu because I don't feel like moving everything from there over to a community. What's already there will likely stay there, but I'm not moving anything else over there.
2. From now on, though, all of my fanfiction will be stored on the community I created: shu_jrock.
3. From now on all NC-17 entries will be f-locked so if you want to read the smut you'll either have to friend the community or join it. This is in compliance with LJ's terms of service as much as anything else; it's something I've meant to do with romanticide_shu, too. Anyway, I don't necessarily see the problem with it; after all, I have to f-lock all NC-17 posts in the other communities I post in.
4. This will be a lot easier for me in the end. I really prefer using sadie_k_adder more than anything else, and this way I can just post my fics in my own writing community as sadie_k_adder.

I hope this is okay for everyone!!

Important Notice

2007-05-30T17:56:17Z

Right, I think all I'm seeing on my f-list are posts of either A) people panicking or B) comms locking down like we're under an invasion. Which, in all honesty, it looks like we are. In light of this nazi invasion on our fandom, I have to take drastic measures with romanticide_shu to make sure that it doesn't get suspended/deleted. I spent all night trying to come up with a solution. I don't want to make it so that you can't read all my fanfiction unless you're friends with romanticide_shu, but it seems that's the only way to keep it from getting deleted. So instead what I'm going to do is spend the entirety of today backing up that LJ, and then I'm going to delete it and instead make a community. This way people can friend the community to see NC-17 posts, but they don't necessarily have to be a member of it if they don't want to. I can post my fics there as sadie_k_adder and hopefully they'll be safe that way. Until this big scare is over, though, I'm not going to have any interests for that comm and I'm not going to put up a disclaimer that will draw attention to it. The disclaimer will be in a f-locked post that everyone will be directed to when they click on a link to a fanfiction. I do not think that sadie_k_adder is in danger of being suspended because, so far as I know, they've only gone after users involved in RPing, and I don't do that. I'm also of age, so they can't get me on being involved in porn or something as a minor. I'm going to go through my icons and make sure there aren't any provocative ones, but other than that, I'm leaving sadie_k_adder alone, trusting that there are no charges that can lead to its suspension.

I want to thank everyone again for being supportive and stuff. Hopefully this will be one big thing for a week or so and then the fanatics will find something better to do with their time. God only knows when I'll be updating any of my fics again because I'll be busy making sure the ones I've already written are safe from the massacre. Please send me words of encouragement rather than words of dissent because I'm more pissed off than you can possibly imagine right now. Instead of spending my last day off relaxing I get to spend it backing up files and reposting them in a community that will hopefully not be suspended in place of romanticide_shu. My mom is driving me almost to the point of tears with her lack of support, I want to smack down nearly everyone in my family, I hate people, I hate LJ, my birthday is this weekend and I'll probably still be backing up files then...

So yeah. That about sums it all up. I hope everyone stays suspension free. FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS.

~Shuichi

EDIT - I took off the link to my website. I'm going to get on AIM and I plan to be there all day so if you need to talk to me for some reason or another, that would be the way to do it. You can also email me at niimura_shuichi@yahoo.com.

Jrock Revolution and Warriors of Innocence

2007-05-30T07:28:21Z

The Report

Be advised: this is EXTREMELY long, and isn't all about the concert. I also cover a little bit of the day before it, as well as all of Sunday (which was after it). It's really me recapping my whole weekend in LA, but obviously the concert reports for Jrock Revolution are a big part of that. XD;

ALSO I know many of you have heard of the possiblity of the entire world (read: LJ) ceasing to function as we know it because of a few stupid people who can't mind their own fucking business. I had already been telling myself to go back and f-lock all my NC-17 posts, but this really means I have to get off my ass.

I'll be spending the rest of the night friends locking posts that could get this journal deleted. A lot of the stuff on here isn't backed up elsewhere, though that's something else I have been working on over the last several months. If all my stories were lost because of a few moronic people, I would likely just disappear because I would be irritated beyond a rational point. So don't expect fanfiction updates until I've securely locked down this journal.

Thanks everyone for your continued support! ♥

~Shuichi

Dir en grey - Kaoru/Kyo - All Mad - 13/16

2007-05-23T04:15:21Z

Title: All Mad
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Mystery/Angst/Romance/slight Horror
Band: Dir en grey
Pairings: Kaoru/Kyo, Die/Shinya
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sex and sexual situations, language, drug use, violence, horror
Summary: When Kyo is pulled off the stage and hauled away by the authorities Dir en grey find themselves caught up in a tiring legal battle. Their problems have just begun, though; Kaoru notices a strange deterioration of Kyo's mental health, and he'll do anything to fix it.
Notes: I am SO SORRY. It's been two months and no All Mad updates. T_T A lot of this came from discouraging reviews, and a lot of it came from being just busy and frustrated. My goal is to finish this story before June's end, though, so there should be more updates coming your way in a week or two. Again, I am SO SORRY. This chapter is nice and smutty to make up for the long wait. ^^V
Previous Parts

Part 13

It didn’t take long for Kyo to finish recounting his dream and what had occurred directly after it. “I don’t know what was wrong with me,” he murmured, staring down at the bedspread. “I thought I was going to die or something…I thought they were going to kill me.” He swallowed and looked up at Kaoru. “Is that…stupid?”

Kaoru shook his head and offered Kyo the most reassuring smile he had. “No, of course not. I think Kitamoto’s right and this place is getting to you. Kyo…do you think you’re…I mean, do you think you should be here?”

Kyo looked down again, and spent a long time playing with a thread coming off the duvet before he found a reply. “If I’m really going insane…”

Kaoru found that he wasn’t sure what to say. The two of them were sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing one another. He unfolded his legs so that he could scoot closer to Kyo; they wound around him naturally, and that caused him to look up again in mild surprise. Kaoru smiled again, and took both of Kyo’s hands into his. “Do you remember when we were just getting started as a band? Do you remember how nervous you were to sing in front of a lot of people, but at the same time you just shook off the nerves. You were determined not to let them get to you because you knew that your words were strong and they were going to affect people.”

“Of course I remember,” Kyo murmured. “I also remember smoking through five or six cigarettes before and after lives to help calm my nerves. It wasn’t just me telling myself not to be nervous.”

“There have been several more occasions where your lyrics could have brought you down,” Kaoru went on. “You’ve had to put up with people getting on your case because they’re raw and dirty. You’ve had to deal with parents writing to you, chewing you out for singing songs about rape that their kids then listen to. You’ve even had to throw out letters from religious groups telling you you’re going to go to hell if you don’t stop. It’s hardly been an easy road, has it? Yet you’ve consistently persevered, you’ve consistently stuck it out in the hardest of times.” He paused, and for several seconds they just stared at each other. “Kyo, you’re stronger than you realize. Are you really going to let this stupid place with its stupid doctors get to you after you’ve withstood so much more?”

A smirk pulled up the corners of Kyo’s mouth. “You have too much faith in me, Kaoru…”

Kaoru shook his head. “You’re capable of much more than you think, and I have enough faith to cover your lack of faith. I don’t think that’s too much at all.”

Kyo chuckled and nodded slowly. “All right, Kaoru, but I really can’t do this myself. Let’s stick it to the man together, okay?”

Kaoru grinned. “Of course.”

They stared at each other again, but it was brief. Kyo closed the space between them to press his lips softly to Kaoru’s. Kaoru wrapped his arms around Kyo’s thin frame, pulling him as close as possible. Their lips broke apart after a moment, though, and Kyo’s arms came around Kaoru’s neck. “Do you know that I’ve been in love with you off and on for the last three years?” He whispered, his breath tickling Kaoru’s lips and causing strange shivering sensations up and down his back.

“I don’t know how long I’ve been in love with you,” Kaoru responded. “After all, I only just figured it out…”

Kyo chuckled. “You always were a little slow in the head.”

Kaoru felt no desire to argue or agree. He smiled against Kyo’s lips before kissing them again. This time he pushed the vocalist against the bedspread, though much more gently than they’d fallen on it before. He pressed his lips almost roughly against Kyo’s trying to get as much of him as possible. Kyo’s mouth opened and his tongue slipped out to stroke Kaoru’s. He threaded his hands in Kaoru’s dark hair, occasionally twirling the thick locks around an index finger.

Kaoru brought his lips over to Kyo’s cheek, leaving chaste kisses on the smooth flesh. Kyo let out a contented sigh before murmuring, “This is the best I’ve felt in weeks.”

Kaoru smiled and continued kissing a trail over to his ear. Kyo made a soft humming sound when he left a kiss on the shell; he moved downward from there, kissing each tiny expanse of his neck. “Does this feel good?” He asked against his adam’s apple before suckling on it.

“Mm, yes,” Kyo said softly. He ran his hands up and down Kaoru’s back, occasionally letting them rest in his hair again.

Kaoru lifted his head and offered the other man a smile before pulling his shirt up. Kyo sat up to better aide him; Kaoru’s shirt came off almost simultaneously, and then Kyo was kissing him again, more of a ferociousness to his actions now that they were half naked. Kaoru pushed him back again, but allowed the kiss to continue as he ran his hands up and down Kyo’s abdomen, pausing to flick his fingers over hardened nipples. Kyo continued to rub his palms over Kaoru’s back, though he occasionally brought them around to his chest.

Finally Kaoru found the button of Kyo’s pants, and he undid it as quickly as possible. After a lot of squirming on Kyo’s part, they were able to get the pants down enough that Kaoru could feel Kyo’s hardening length through his underwear. He massaged it almost curiously, feeling strangely apart from his surroundings as he considered he was touching another penis—something he’d never done before.

“Nn,” Kyo said into their kiss suddenly, and Kaoru realized that he was kissing with much less vivacity than he had been a few mere seconds before. He lifted his head so he could look at the vocalist’s face, and saw that his eyes were shut while his lips were parted. Little beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead, and his cheeks were flushed a beautiful shade of red.

Kaoru smiled, dismissing his awkward musings. “I think you’re beautiful, Kyo-kun.”

Kyo laughed, looking mildly embarrassed. “Stop it,” he said simply.

Kaoru chuckled and then sat up for a minute so he could pull Kyo’s pants and underwear completely off. Kyo’s entire body was hot under his gaze, and it made a certain part of his anatomy jump with new, profound arousal. He wrapped his fingers around Kyo’s cock, and watched him carefully as he started to slide his hand up and down the hardening organ. Kyo gasped and lifted his hips very slightly, his eyes shutting once more. He gripped the bed sheets, and Kaoru grabbed one of his hands with his free one so he could grip it instead. For awhile he was content to just watch Kyo’s face and body contort with pleasure as he continued to familiar himself with the younger man’s body.

Suddenly, Kyo’s eyes snapped open, and he sat up quicker than Kaoru would have believed possible, muttering a somewhat strangled, “Stop, Kaoru.”

Kaoru did as he was told, eyeing him with raised brows. “Something wrong?”

“No,” Kyo said, offering up a smile. “Everything was perfect. But it’s your turn now.”

For a split second Kaoru didn’t understand, then Kyo gestured for him to lie on his back where he’d been sitting, and he realized what he meant. He laid back, and soon the remnants of his clothes had joined Kyo’s, wherever he’d carelessly tossed them. It seemed Kyo didn’t plan to give him a hand job, for he scooted back further and crouched down so he was eye-level with Kaoru’s cock. He saw it jump with horny anticipation, and spread his legs to give Kyo better access. “Kyo, are you sure you want to do something like this?” He asked, watching the other man carefully.

Kyo shrugged. “I can’t lie to you, Kaoru. Well, not at this moment in time, anyway. I may be mostly straight, but I’ve sucked my share of cock.”

That was surprising to Kaoru, who’d always considered Kyo the straightest of them all. Before he could remark on it, though, he was lost in observing Kyo. He grabbed the base of his dick so that he could swirl his tongue around the tip. He then started at the bottom, and licked a trail up to the top, pausing there to taste the precum that was starting to gather. Kaoru’s hips jolted the tiniest bit, mostly without him meaning for them to. “Ah, Kyo,” he whispered, hoping to encourage the other by using his name.

They made eye-contact and Kyo smiled seductively before taking Kaoru’s entire length into his mouth. Kaoru’s eyelids fluttered and he tried to lift his hips, but was unsuccessful since Kyo’s hand was suddenly on them, pushing them back down. He took Kaoru in and out of his mouth repeatedly for the next several seconds. Kaoru gasped each time, and without even realize it, found himself tugging on Kyo’s hair.

At last Kyo sat up and offered Kaoru another sly smile. “Did it feel good?”

Kaoru smiled back and gave a weak nod, sitting up as he did so. “Can I make love to you now? I promise to be gentle, and I promise I’ll—“

“You don’t have to promise me anything, Kaoru,” Kyo said with a slightly irritated sigh. “I know you, and I know the promises you would make, but I think it’s unnecessary. If there’s anyone in this world I’ve always been able to count on, it’s you.” His arms wound around Kaoru’s waist, and he rested his head against his chest. “I think that’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I’ve never had that.”

Kaoru wanted to argue because he’d never been comfortable with thinking he was someone’s anchor to the world, but he felt it would ruin the moment so he just held Kyo, and kissed the top of his head. “I think we should prove we’re men and quit cuddling so we can have sex.”

“Men can cuddle,” Kyo mumbled into Kaoru’s chest.

Kaoru chuckled, and turned them so he could push Kyo against the mattress again. “We’ll cuddle later, okay?”

Kyo said nothing in response, but he spread his legs, which made Kaoru believe he was submitting to that proposal. Kaoru paused then, though, unsure of what to do next. “We don’t have anything to make it go in easier, do we?”

“We have saliva,” Kyo said casually.

Kaoru just stared at him. Kyo rolled his eyes and sat up, grabbing Kaoru’s hand and slipping two fingers into his own mouth. Kaoru watched, feeling ripples go up and down his spine as Kyo’s tongue swirled around his fingers. After a mere few seconds he pulled them from his mouth, hurriedly disconnecting a thin string of saliva, and looking slightly embarrassed that he’d had to do so. He led Kaoru’s fingers to his entrance, carefully prodding it with the index finger.

“Oh,” Kaoru said, understanding at last. Kyo chuckled and let go of his hand, so he very slowly and very gently pushed the index finger past the tough ring of muscle, feeling Kyo instantly tense around it. “You okay?” He asked, brow furrowed in worry.

“I’m fine,” Kyo said, leaning his head back against the bed, looking slightly orgasmic. “Keep up the good work.”

Kaoru had the feeling he was making fun of him. He screwed up his concentration and pulled the finger out a little before pushing it back in. He was amazed at how Kyo’s body moved to meet with that single, thin digit. He pulled it out completely so he could try again with two fingers. The reaction was slightly different because Kyo actually let out a somewhat girly gasp that time. After a few more seconds, Kaoru pulled his hand away completely. “Okay, now what?” He asked, accepting that Kyo obviously knew a lot more about safe gay sex than he did.

“Come here,” Kyo said huskily, grabbing Kaoru’s hand and pulling him forward.

Kaoru scooted up Kyo’s body until the vocalist told him to stop; he steadied Kaoru’s dick and slipped it into his mouth for the second time. Kaoru couldn’t help but move his hips, watching as Kyo’s eyes narrowed in concentration. It wasn’t long before he released Kaoru and said, “Okay, I think we’re ready.”

Kaoru nodded and scooted back down Kyo’s body until he was between his legs again. Kyo gave him an encouraging smile, and then he guided himself inside. He realized he must have hurt Kyo, but since the vocalist was no stranger to pain, he didn’t seem that bothered. He grabbed Kaoru’s arms and squeezed them tightly, eyes shut as he adjusted to the feeling. Kaoru slowly started rocking his hips. “I need to move,” he breathed out.

Kyo opened his eyes and gave a single nod. Their gazes remained locked as Kaoru’s pace quickened; Kyo slid his hands up Kaoru’s arms so he could pull him closer. They kissed again, but it was different from the others before it. Kyo was making soft sounds each time Kaoru pushed into him, but they were briefly muffled against the guitarist’s lips. Kaoru felt like his whole world was spiraling out of his control, but in a way that comforted him rather than scaring him.

“Harder,” Kyo suddenly gasped out, releasing Kaoru in favor of grabbing his arms again.

Kaoru straightened up and grabbed Kyo’s thighs, moving faster and pounding harder. Kyo moaned his name as his hips rose and fell with each thrust. One hand fished around for Kaoru’s, and their fingers intertwined; the other hand found his cock, which he started stroking feverishly. “Kaoru, I’m so close…” he choked out, gripping Kaoru’s hand harder.

Kaoru felt as though Kyo was going to snap his fingers off, but he didn’t care much. He knew he was getting close, too. As their pace escalated, they both finally found orgasm; Kyo came first, his entire lower back lifting from the bed as he did. The feeling was amazing, and Kyo was so erotic that Kaoru released at almost the same moment. They both went limp against the bed.

It was only a few seconds later that Kaoru stirred, lifting himself up and looking down at Kyo. His eyes were shut, but it was likely he hadn’t found sleep yet. His breathing was still heavy, though it was finally slowing. “Kyo,” Kaoru said quietly, brushing his hand over Kyo’s moist cheek. Kyo cracked his eyes open, but said nothing. Kaoru smiled. “I love you.”

Kyo smiled back feebly. “I love you more,” he responded, a very slight edge to his voice that suggested he was being a tease.

Kaoru chuckled. He pulled himself out of Kyo, and then moved his little body so that he could put the covers over him. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered. Kyo still said nothing.

Kaoru dressed quickly and quietly, and then left the room. Kitamoto was still sitting outside the door, though he was significantly redder than he’d been the last time Kaoru had seen him. “Oh hey, how’s it?” He said, the words spilling from his mouth in a rush.

Kaoru smiled and leaned against the opposite wall. “It could be better, of course, but I’m going to count my blessings today.”

Kitamoto smiled, though it was slightly forced. “And it certainly sounded like you have at least one blessing going for you.”

Kaoru felt his cheeks darken, but he decided not to say anything of it. “Look, I want to thank you for all the help you’ve given us. The problem is, we’re not any closer to figuring this all out because I talked with my lawyer, and he said we have to have tangible proof that these people are fucking with Kyo.”

Kitamoto nodded. “Of course, that’s how everything works. The thing is, we might have to risk a lot to get that tangible proof. How far are you willing to go?”

Kaoru set his jaw. “For Kyo, I’ll go as far as it takes. I can’t speak for my band mates, but they love him like a brother. None of us would leave him behind. None of us will just sit around and let an injustice be done to him. We are a family, Kitamoto, and I can’t speak for your blood family, but mine was shit. My father was always concerned with finances, my mother’s greatest wish for my life was that I marry and have two perfect children. They disowned me back in high school when I started playing in whatever band would have me.

“Then I met Die, Shinya and Kyo and we formed La:Sadies. It wasn’t the perfect band, but it was the best band I’d apart of in awhile. When our bassist left and Toshiya came along, I just had a gut feeling then that we were something great, and we were going to become something even greater. There was an instant connection between the five of us that has never faded, and has really only gotten stronger since then.

“Those four guys are my family, and have been for ten years now. I would sooner let myself be crucified on a fucking cross than see them in any sort of trouble.” He paused to swallow tears of anger and passion that were welling inside of him. “And you heard what just happened in there; as it turns out, I love Kyo a little differently than I would love a brother. I also know the sides of him that people don’t see. He can handle a lot of tough shit, but something like this might be enough to break him. I saw him cry when his grandmother died. I saw him hugging his mother when he hadn’t seen her in a long time.” He stopped to chuckle. “I even saw him become the surrogate mother of a cat he found cowering beneath the studio steps. He wouldn’t like you to know it, but he’s secretly an angel. And if anybody—anybody hurts him needlessly…I will kill the motherfucker.”

Kitamoto stared at him for a moment, and then said, “Would you really kill for him?”

“I would kill for all of them,” Kaoru burst without a second thought. “They’re my family—the most important people in the world to me.”

Kitamoto smiled at that. “All right then. I’ve come up with another plan, so if you bring the other guys here tomorrow morning, we can talk about it. Sound good?”

Kaoru nodded. “Do you think…I mean, could I stay the night here with Kyo, though? I’ll call them and ask them to come out tomorrow.”

Kitamoto blushed slightly, but said, “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye out. You know, that’s so against policy it’s not even funny. Minami would be furious.” He laughed good-naturedly. “But that’s one reason I think we should so do it. That guy rubs me the wrong way.”

“You and me both,” Kaoru muttered.

He went from there to the cafeteria, but when he was done eating, returned to Kyo’s room. He was fast asleep on the bed, a big bunch of the blanket squeezed in between his arms and chest like a makeshift teddy bear. Kaoru fought the urge to smile, but it crept up on him anyway when his own voice said bemusedly inside his head: Damn, he is so fucking cute.

He soon took the place of Kyo’s makeshift teddy bear, and though it was only the early afternoon, sleep claimed him straightaway.

It seemed his eyes had just slipped shut when he was opening them again, blinking in the sunlight of the early morning. He glanced over at the small alarm clock that sat on the bedside table; it was hardly seven o’clock. He sighed and turned over, burying his face back into Kyo’s fluffy, blonde hair.

Kyo stirred then, but Kaoru pretended to be oblivious. He could feel the other moving around, could feel the blanket being shifted off of him a bit… Then he knew Kyo was sitting up, but he said nothing, didn’t try to wake Kaoru, made no attempt to get off the bed. Kaoru rolled onto his back and opened his eyes. His original plan had been to give Kyo a lazy smile and tell him good morning, but at the look on the vocalist’s face, that plan left his mind. Kyo was looking down at him, obviously confused and maybe even a little frightened. Kaoru sat up, his own brow furrowed as he stared back at Kyo. “What’s wrong?” He asked softly.

Kyo swallowed once, licked his lips…then he said without any shadow of a pretense: “Who are you?”

For a moment it was as if time stood still. The two stared at each other, Kyo looking politely puzzled while Kaoru was sure mortal shock was showing on his own face. His tongue felt numb and dry, and he had to wet it with saliva before he could speak. “Kyo…it’s me. It’s Kaoru.”

Kyo still stared, the same curious look on his face. “What?”

Kaoru felt as though he’d just fallen down the rabbit hole into some kind of a nightmare. The trouble was, he wasn’t dreaming, and he couldn’t wake up to fix everything. He grabbed Kyo’s shoulders and shook him around forcefully, though the logical part of his brain was telling him there was no way that could work. “Kyo, please! What the hell is wrong with you?” He exclaimed, tears starting to roll down his cheeks before he could stop them. “Kyo, it’s Kaoru! You’ve known me for ten fucking years! We just realized we’re in love, for God’s sake!”

Kyo still looked out of it; the next thing Kaoru did was shocking even to him, but he almost didn’t realize he was doing it. He smacked Kyo in the face, though not hard enough to cause the skin to bruise. There was a moment of silence while Kyo rubbed the skin and Kaoru felt a fear he’d never known before wrap itself around his heart as though to suffocate him. Then Kyo looked back at him, tears shining in his eyes as he said, “Kaoru, what…I don’t know what—”

He passed out completely, slumping against Kaoru when he did. Kaoru hurriedly laid him back on the bed, checking that his pulse and breathing were okay. When they were, he felt as though his entire body was breathing a sigh of relief. He was shaking, he’d been scared so bad by Kyo’s brief amnesia. He bent down to kiss Kyo’s cheek, then wiped his own cheeks of salty tears, and finally slid off the bed and marched out of the room with one intention: Find Minami and ask him personally what the hell he’d done to Kyo.

Part 14

---

Notes: 1) Okay, I really have no idea what kind of people have written to Kyo bitching him out for the lyrics he writes, but I'm sure they exist.
2) Someone once told me that in an interview, Kaoru spoke sort of forcedly of his parents, but that might not be true. In this fic, the whole thing about his blood family is purely fiction.
3) This is my last official fanfiction post before JROCK REVOLUTION! I'm leaving on Thursday and I won't be back until Monday. See y'all next week! ^o^

The GazettE - Reita/Ruki + Aoi/Uruha - Tangled Web - 2/2

2007-05-21T03:32:29Z

Title: Tangled Web
Chapters: 2/2
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Humor/Smut
Band: The GazettE
Pairings: Reita/Ruki, Aoi/Uruha, implied ?/Kai
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Language, sexual situation
Summary: What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive...
Notes: Yay! I managed to finish it today! I hope everyone likes it...there's a lot of smut, but I tried to slip in humor, too. That's my trademark, after all. XD;
Part 1

Part 2

The morning after everyone’s startling revelations found Reita and Ruki curled up together in Reita’s bed, both still asleep even though the sun had been shining for a few hours. Ruki felt awareness coming over him, but he didn’t want to wake up yet so he snuggled against Reita and tried to force sleep to claim him again. Reita stirred, though, and mumbled something that sounded much like, “Youawake?”

Ruki sighed. “Stop running your words together,” he said pointedly, latching even more tightly around Reita’s waist.

“But I like to,” Reita pouted, pushing himself up on his elbows. “If it really bothers you—“

“It doesn’t,” Ruki said quickly, sitting up so he could look at Reita’s eyes. “It doesn’t bother me, really. I was just giving you a hard time.” He cocked his head. “Do you really take everything I say to heart like that?”

Reita shrugged. “I care for you a lot, Ruki-kun. Of course I do.”

Ruki stuck out his tongue. “Well, don’t. It’s a stupid thing to do!”

Reita chuckled and sat up completely so he could reach for Ruki. Ruki scooted closer to the other and allowed himself to be enveloped in his arms. There was something about Reita that said they didn’t have to rush with their relationship. When they’d returned to his place last night, they had watched a movie before simply collapsing on the bed and cuddling until they crossed into slumber. Normally Ruki liked to have sex as soon as possible because he never knew how little time would pass before he decided to stop seeing his partner, but in this case he felt he and Reita had all the time in the world to do whatever they liked. He appreciated that they could just snuggle like they were.

Then the phone rang. Ruki started to laugh and flopped backward, watching Reita with amusement. “It’s probably Kai,” the bassist said, his tone slightly disgruntled.

He found his cell phone sitting on the nightstand and slapped it to his ear. “H’lo?” Ruki watched as he rolled his eyes. He mouthed the word Kai and Ruki couldn’t help snorting. They both knew Kai so well, both knew he would be the one calling. “Yes, Ruki’s here,” Reita responded to their leader, his cheeks turning a light shade of crimson.

Ruki laughed loudly and got off the bed, heading to the shower.

* * * * *

Aoi and Uruha were in a slightly different position when they woke up the next morning. Both were without clothes, for one thing. Uruha awoke to find that Aoi was sitting up slightly as he smoked a cigarette, though one arm was stroking Uruha’s shoulder as he slept on his chest. He sat up as well and stretched, a yawn escaping his mouth as he did so. Aoi grinned at him. “Good morning. Sleep well?”

Uruha nodded and reached over Aoi for a cigarette. “Except that my ass hurts, yeah, I slept great.”

Aoi chuckled, releasing some smoke at the same time. “You liked it.”

Uruha shrugged. “I never said I didn’t.”

“You never said you did either,” Aoi pointed out. “You just said, ‘Oh Aoi! Oh yes, Aoi! Oh, oh harder! Oh yeah!’”

Uruha blushed, but said nothing as he started on his cigarette. Both were quiet as they smoked, but when Aoi finished, Uruha dropped his in the ashtray as well. He straddled Aoi in his attempt to get to the ashtray, but that was something he’d planned to do. The blanket slid off both of them, but neither made an attempt to right it. “I suppose we should get to practice,” he said casually before bending to nip at Aoi’s neck.

“Hm,” Aoi said. “Probably.”

Uruha didn’t reply. He left a wet trail of kisses and bite marks from Aoi’s neck to his ear. His lips moved across his cheek and over to Aoi’s mouth, though he didn’t kiss him. “We’re both in such a hurry to get to the studio…”

At that Aoi’s arms slid up his back, and he closed the miniscule space between them so he could kiss the other. Uruha hummed against Aoi’s lips, flicking his tongue out to play with the ring hugging the lower lip. Aoi’s tongue came out to meet with his, and for the next few minutes that was all either of them knew.

Then the phone rang. Aoi pushed Uruha back against the bedspread and said, “It’s just Kai. I say we ignore it.”

“I agree,” Uruha said breathlessly before Aoi mashed their lips together again. He wrapped his arms tightly around the other guitarist’s neck, and then wrapped his legs around his waist.

Aoi broke the kiss to grin mischievously at Uruha. “For someone who says his ass hurts, you’re sure in a hurry to have it—“

“Don’t ruin it with crude language,” Uruha said with a sigh.

Aoi just laughed, and then they were kissing again. He arched his back so that his quickly hardening member was driven into Uruha’s. Uruha lifted his hips to meet with Aoi’s, a soft moan escaping into their kiss as he did. “Liked that, did you?” He said against Uruha’s lips.

“Oh, that’s it,” Uruha said impatiently.

He sat up and bowled Aoi over so that he was the one on his back. “Hey!” Aoi exclaimed. “I wanted to be on top!”

Uruha paid him no heed, instead resuming their kiss as his hand found Aoi’s dick. Aoi arched into his touch, and Uruha finally got the results he was looking for as Aoi stiffened completely in his palm. He moved his hand up and down liberally, breaking their kiss to watch Aoi as he gasped and tossed his head back and forth, his hips occasionally lifting to meet with Uruha’s hand. Uruha stopped as suddenly as he’d started, though, and said teasingly, “Liked that, did you?”

Aoi just panted as he looked at him. Uruha grinned and moved forward over Aoi’s body, reaching behind him to grab his length. “Wait, you need lube,” Aoi protested.

Uruha shook his head and slowly lowered himself onto Aoi. A gasp left his throat and he threw his head back, his other hand gripping the bed sheets. He couldn’t deny that it hurt a lot, but he was determined to bear it. When Aoi was completely inside of him he opened his eyes again and reached for Aoi’s hands. “You need to do the work first,” he managed. “I can barely move right now.”

Aoi looked deeply sympathetic, but apparently he was feeling too much good to be a gentleman. He nodded and squeezed Uruha’s hands as he started lifting his hips. Soft sounds escaped Uruha’s lips each time he was pounded into, but he made no move to stop what they were doing. Soon Uruha was able to move with Aoi, and he bent over him so their lips could reconnect. Only a few minutes later, they had to stop doing that and Uruha straightened up again. “Hang on,” Aoi gasped out suddenly, and he stopped moving his hips.

Uruha stopped moving as well, and leaned against Aoi as he sat up. He resituated them so that Uruha was lying on his back, and then grabbed his thighs as he continued to thrust into him. This was much more comfortable for Uruha, and he held tightly to Aoi’s wrist with one hand while his other started to stroke his weeping length. His hips moved up to meet Aoi’s each time, and all too soon he was gasping out that he was close. Barely a moment later, he released over their bellies. Aoi was quick to follow, groaning Uruha’s name and burying his face in the other man’s neck.

“Ah,” Uruha panted, “we better get to the studio now before Kai comes after us with a whip.”

“Hey, that could be fun though,” Aoi said against Uruha’s skin, “a threesome with Kai and bondage.”

“Oh, shut up,” Uruha sighed.

* * * * *

Kai was walking back and forth in front of the couch like a drill sergeant or strict school principal. The other four were sitting on the couch like some very confused delinquents. Except for Ruki, who was trying fruitlessly to engage Reita in a poking war. Kai cleared his throat. “Ahem hem. Could you stop that please, Ruki?”

Ruki stopped poking Reita, but found his hand and entwined their fingers together while giving Kai a very pronounced glare. Kai wasn’t at all fazed, though, and just continued pacing. “We need to have a little conversation about what transpired in here yesterday. More so about what it means to the band.”

The other four exchanged glances and then Uruha stood up. “It starts with me, Kai. You see, I’ve been restless lately because it’s been awhile since I’ve been with someone and I sort of…well, I’ve had a little crush on Aoi.” He glanced over at Aoi with a smile. “The thing is, I wasn’t sure he’d go out with me because I thought he was straight. Ruki and I had a tickle fight and there were some little sparks so I asked him out instead. We sort of started a relationship, but all we ever did was…well, you know…”

“Have sex?” Kai whispered, as though there were children present who needn’t hear such a word.

Uruha nodded, glancing down at Ruki awkwardly. It was Ruki’s turn to stand then, and Reita lifted his arm up to aide him, since they were still holding hands. “I only went out with Uruha, though, because I wanted to have sex with someone,” he said defiantly, as though daring the others to correct his behavior. “I’ve been waiting for forever for Reita to ask me out because I had always thought we had some good chemistry. And I sort of like him, too.” He blushed slightly.

“Okay,” Kai said with a thoughtful nod. “So where do you other two come in?”

Aoi stood next. “We were both upset because I like Uruha and Reita likes Ruki. So I came up with a great plan to seduce Ruki. Then Reita was going to bring Uruha in when it looked like Ruki was seducing me. Then when they broke up, I was going to comfort Uruha and Reita was going to comfort Ruki. Fool proof, ne?”

Ruki snorted and Uruha covered up a smile. Kai stared at Aoi as though he was the most retarded person he’d ever seen. “No!” He exclaimed. “That’s not fool proof, that’s the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard!”

Aoi’s smile fell. “Oh.”

Reita stood finally, so that all of them were on their feet. “Well, then it got even stupider because I couldn’t follow through with the plan. I couldn’t stand the thought of Aoi touching Ruki or-or doing anything to seduce him. So I came barging in before anything could happen, and everything got ruined.”

“But it ended up being okay,” said Ruki, wrapping his arms around Reita’s middle and looking appreciative. “Because I want to be with Reita.”

“And I really want to be with Aoi,” Uruha confessed, casting a sly glance at Aoi, who was still frowning from being told his fool proof plan was retarded.

Kai rubbed his chin contemplatively. “Okay. So now…Uruha and Aoi are together…and Reita and Ruki are together?” Everyone nodded synchronically. He shrugged. “Okay, that’s all I wanted to know. This isn’t going to cause problems for the band now, is it?”

“Why would it?” Ruki burst, looking shocked. “It’ll just make things better because now we can have sex in the broom closet during smoking breaks.”

Reita turned bright red. Uruha nudged Ruki. “I think he means himself, Ruki-kun. Now we’re all paired up except for Kai!” He looked at the drummer as though he were a pathetic and one legged bunny rabbit.

“He better come up with a fool proof plan to fix that,” Aoi said sardonically.

Uruha shot him a disapproving glance. Kai laughed good-naturedly and waved them off. “No, no, I’m perfectly content to be on my own. For now anyway.” He smiled. “I guess we’ll cancel practice today so you all can get situated or whatever… I’m going to go out for ice cream.”

“With who!?” Ruki burst.

“With no one. He’s alone, remember?” Aoi said quietly, though loud enough that Kai could hear.

“Shhh!” Uruha hissed.

Kai rolled his eyes. “Well, I haven’t hung out with Miyavi-kun in awhile, have I?”

The other four all sniggered as though sharing some dirty inside joke. Kai pretended not to notice and everyone went on their merry way.

* * * * *

“Isn’t it nice that everything has sort of resolved itself?” Ruki called behind him as he crossed the threshold into his apartment.

Reita was on his heels, and shut the door behind them when he’d entered as well. “I guess… No, it’s actually weird. Shouldn’t you and Uruha have emotional baggage? Shouldn’t Kai feel…well, left out of the loop?”

Ruki shook his head. “I think because Uruha and I were both in it for the same reasons we’ve come to an unspoken agreement to pretend we never went out. And you and I both know Kai is too resilient to let the rest of us hooking up make him feel left out of the loop. Besides, he’s getting some ass tonight.” He cackled.

Reita made a face. “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that. The last thing I want to think of before going to bed is Miyavi plowing our leader.”

Ruki laughed, but grabbed Reita’s hand and started down the hall toward the bedroom. “Then we’ll just have to take your mind off of that.”

Reita felt a shiver go up his spine, but he said nothing as he was dragged into the bedroom. Ruki turned around so he could grab his other hand, too, and then he sat down on the bed. “Don’t you want to kiss me, Rei-chan?”

Reita blushed and accepted the invitation, bending his head the little bit that was needed to kiss Ruki’s tempting lips. Ruki kissed back eagerly, and let go of Reita’s hands so he could wind his arms around his neck, one hand playing absently with the multicolored hair. Reita was uncomfortable bending the way he was, so he gently pushed Ruki against the bedspread and climbed on top of him. That was when he stopped and lifted his head, ready to finally say something. “Are you sure you want to do this, Ruki-kun? I don’t want to move things too fast…”

“But I love you,” Ruki murmured. “I’ve loved you for years, I just never wanted to say anything. We’re supposed to be straight, if you remember. At least, I think that’s the impression we’ve given the fans…”

Reita smiled. “I know, and I love you, but I don’t want to ruin anything by—“

“And you’re not!” Ruki said earnestly, bringing his hands down Reita’s shoulders so he was gripping his thin biceps. “You’re not. I want us to do this.”

Reita’s smile widened and he decided not to say anymore as he pressed his lips to Ruki’s again. The kiss started out somewhat lazy, but soon both men grew impatient and their mouths were meeting hungrily and restlessly, tongues rubbing together while hands started exploring. Ruki was the first to start tugging on Reita’s tee shirt, so Reita broke the kiss to pull it off. Ruki sat up and got his off as well, and then he started laughing. Reita stared at him quizzically. “Is-is something wrong?” He asked, glancing down nervously at his exposed chest.

Ruki snorted. “Nothing’s wrong with you, stupid. I’m just laughing because we both should have just had the balls to tell each other how we felt. Then we could have been doing his ages ago.”

Reita chuckled as well and resumed kissing Ruki. Their carefree pace was getting swallowed up by their urge to speed things along, though. The tips of Ruki’s fingers roved over the skin of Reita’s belly; occasionally he would pull suggestively on the waistband of Reita’s pants. Reita let his lips move gingerly down Ruki’s neck, his tongue caressing the heated skin, his teeth leaving light marks here and there as he chose to use them. He flicked his thumb over a hardened nipple and was delighted to receive the first erotic sound from Ruki when he let out a soft hum.

Reita was soon undoing the button on Ruki’s pants, and in a moment he’d pulled out his cock. He first ran his hand experimentally over it, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks at the notion that he was holding Ruki’s dick in his hand. Finally he started pumping it at a leisurely pace, and he had to lift his head to see what Ruki’s face looked like now that he was being pleasured so thoroughly. It was a pretty sight—the vocalist’s lips were slightly parted, his eyes closed and his brow furrowed. He was holding tightly to one of Reita’s hands with his own while the other gripped the pillow behind his head. He gasped and arched his back when Reita’s hand moved a little faster. “You’re so beautiful, Ruki-kun,” Reita managed, thinking to himself how lucky he was to be with the person that he loved so much.

“Thank you,” Ruki panted out. “Ah…Rei-chan…”

Reita helped Ruki out of his pants and underwear, and then took his own off. That was when he had a very sudden, very curious thought, and though it made him slightly embarrassed that he was thinking it, he still decided to follow it through. He stopped touching Ruki in favor of climbing on top of him, turning so his back was to Ruki’s face. He scooted backward until his mouth was level with Ruki’s stiff length, and then bent over it and took the tip into his mouth. He wondered nervously if Ruki would take his hint, and in a moment knew he had when he felt a warm tongue lick his crown.

He gasped and took Ruki further into his mouth, feeling Ruki do the same to him. He swirled his tongue around Ruki, and the vocalist moaned around him, the vibrations a strange and erotic feeling. Reita found himself moaning only a couple of minutes later as they both licked and sucked more vigorously. He was starting to lose himself in what was happening, but was at least aware that he wanted to make love to the man he loved, so he reluctantly climbed off of him.

He turned to face him, and Ruki gave him a sweet smile, reaching for his hand. “I’m so ready for this,” he said breathlessly.

Reita smiled and nodded. “Me too.”

Ruki sat up and rummaged in the end table until he found some lube and a condom. “You don’t have to put on the condom if you don’t want, though,” he said with a furtive glance in Reita’s direction. “I don’t want to be with anyone else, so I don’t see the need…”

Reita smiled and flicked the condom carelessly off the bed. Ruki laughed and took his place again, spreading his legs submissively. Reita was starting to feel nerves set in again, but he did his best to ignore them as he spread some lube over two fingers and shakily pushed one past Ruki’s entrance. Ruki instantly made a purring sound and arched his back beautifully. Reita’s heart hammered against his chest; he wanted to please Ruki so badly. He carefully moved his finger in and out, watching Ruki’s face cautiously.

Ruki gasped and lifted his hips again, tossing his head to the side. The image was so arousing that Reita’s nerves were banished for a moment. He pulled that finger out so he could reinsert it with a second one. This time he pulled a moan from Ruki, and that caused him to bite his lip so he wouldn’t moan, too. After all, nothing was really happening yet.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Ruki breathed. “Please, Rei-chan.” He reached for Reita’s free hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze.

Reita said nothing, but pulled his fingers out of Ruki almost too quickly. He poured lubricant over himself, and then held his breath as he slowly and carefully buried himself in Ruki. Ruki groaned and lifted his hips again, reaching blindly for Reita. Reita bent forward so that Ruki could nearly choke him by wrapping his arms around his neck. Reita closed whatever space was left between them and hugged Ruki tightly. “Ruki, can I please move?” He asked, although his hips were already starting to wiggle just a little.

“Mm-hm,” Ruki managed.

Reita lifted himself up, and Ruki let go of him, instead holding onto his hands. Reita quickly set up a rhythm, and had he been able to think clearly would have realized his anxiety was completely gone. All he felt was a surge of love and affection for the man gasping and writhing beneath him. He didn’t want the moment to ever end, so he was slower than he would normally be, trying to draw things out as long as possible. Ruki moved his hips to meet with him, and soon started stroking himself as well. “Wait for me,” Reita breathed.

“O-okay,” Ruki gasped out, opening his eyes and gazing at Reita foggily.

Reita finally increased his speed, feeling automatically as he did so that orgasm was rushing up on him. Ruki couldn’t stop moaning, and finally Reita appeased him by choking out, “I’m coming, Ruki!” Ruki allowed himself to release at that moment, crying out Reita’s name as he did. Reita came almost simultaneously, his head instantly dropping onto Ruki’s chest.

For awhile they just lay there, breathing heavily, sweat mingling. At least Reita pulled out of Ruki and flopped down beside him. “I love you, Ruki,” he said sincerely.

Ruki let out a lazy laugh and snuggled up against Reita. “So do I. Wait—well, you know what I mean.”

Reita laughed as well. He sat up slightly so he could turn off the nearby lamp. “You know,” he said before Ruki could fall asleep, “Aoi’s plan may not have been fool proof, but you have to admit that if he hadn’t come up with it, who knows when we would have hooked up.”

Ruki chuckled and Reita could feel him shaking his head, his hair tickling the bassist’s chest. “I guess you’re right. Let’s just not tell Aoi that, though. I’d rather he didn’t know that his plan was fool proof after all.”

OWARI

---

Notes: 1) The idea to slip Miyavi's name in there came from narcolepticnemu and the fact that I like to be a tease. XD
2) I hope you all enjoyed my cautious entry into the GazettE fanfiction fandom! Hopefully I'll have more to share soon! ♥

The GazettE - Reita/Ruki + Aoi/Uruha - Tangled Web - 1/2

2007-05-20T04:32:58Z

Title: Tangled Web
Chapters: 1/2
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Humor/Smut
Band: The GazettE
Pairings: Reita/Ruki, Aoi/Uruha, Uruha/Ruki
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language, sexual situation
Summary: What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive...
Notes: This is my first try at writing the Gaze boys, so please be gentle... I want to write more (read: better) GazettE fics in the future, and I consider this just a warm-up so I can get comfortable with their characters. There's a part two because this would have been a damn long oneshot had I tried to fit the sex into it. XD;

Part 1

The restaurant was buzzing with the conversations of several different people. There was music playing in the background, and occasionally the sound of someone talking alerted Ruki to the fact that it was a radio station instead of a CD. He was drumming his fingernails against the fabric of the tablecloth, not even pretending he wasn’t bored to tears. He’d already finished eating, so all that was left was to wait for his partner to finish, too. Unfortunately, since Uruha preferred to move at his own, sometimes sluggish pace, it looked to be awhile until he would be done.

“Hm,” the guitarist said suddenly; Ruki looked up at him. He finished chewing up the food in his mouth, wiped his face with a napkin, and then said, “What do you want to do after this? See a movie? Grab some coffee? Do something else?”

Ruki stared at him for a moment, wondering exactly what he did want to do afterward. He wasn’t in the mood to see a movie. He certainly wasn’t about to wait around another hour for Uruha to finish a cup of coffee. He shrugged. “I dunno. What do you want to do?”

Uruha smiled. “I asked you out so you should decide.”

Ruki shook his head adamantly. “No, no, that’s not how it works. If you’re the ask-outer you have to make all the decisions. You’re supposed to impress me, Uruha-kun.”

Uruha nodded slowly, and then scooped up some more rice between his chopsticks. He started to bring it to his mouth, but paused and slowly lowered it. “Do you want to come back to my place then?”

Ruki heard something underlying his friend’s tone, but after thinking it through for a moment, found he didn’t care much. “Sure. I haven’t been laid in awhile,” he said with a shrug before taking another swig of his beer.

Truth was, as much as he would love to get laid, he had no desire for it to be with Uruha. He loved the other man, but as a friend and nothing more. He thought for the thousandth time that night that he had no idea why he’d said yes to going out with him in the first place. Perhaps he was just desperate for a good fuck. Perhaps that was all Uruha was about to become to him.

* * * * *

They’d barely crossed the threshold when lips were touching flesh. The apartment was dark, and Uruha didn’t feel a need to turn on any lights. He felt a little guilty that he was about to make love to Ruki without actually loving him, so he’d rather not have to look at his face…

His lips moved leisurely, though a little roughly over the smooth skin of Ruki’s neck. Ruki’s hands were tugging on his hair; his head was tilted back to allow better access. Uruha walked them further into the apartment until he spotted the silhouette of the sofa. He pushed Ruki onto it, and then quickly straddled his hips, letting his lips move over warm flesh again…

It just felt so wrong. He knew he didn’t love Ruki. In fact, other than a few fleeting feelings here and there, he really just felt friendship toward the other man. It was terrible what they were doing. But then…at the same time, Ruki was allowing him, wasn’t he? “Ruki-kun,” he breathed, pulling away, trying to find the other’s eyes in the darkness.

Ruki must have had them closed, for they suddenly glittered, signaling he’d opened them. Uruha offered a smile, whether it was visible or not. “How do you feel about me?”

There was a surprised pause, and then Ruki said reassuringly, “Oh, I like you a lot, Uruha.”

It still didn’t sound right. Still, Uruha said in reply, “Good. I like you, too.”

Then he lowered himself over Ruki once more to finish the act that felt so very wrong to him.

* * * * *

It was two weeks later. The practice room was quieter than usual for some reason, Kai noticed. He was the only one making any noise, really, as he whistled a merry tune from behind his drum set. He was trying to see how coordinated he was by attempting to whistle on key while also twirling his drum sticks. Thus far, he’d only dropped them four times. Even then, he was proving himself more capable of multitasking than he’d thought; he was also psychoanalyzing his band mates.

Uruha and Ruki were both sitting on the couch beside each other. Uruha had an arm slung nonchalantly around Ruki’s shoulders, but though their pose said they were particularly close, neither of them looked very comfortable. Uruha was staring meaningfully at the floor, his brow furrowed in thought. Ruki was wringing his hands out of nervous habit, though he was alternating between watching Aoi and watching Reita.

Aoi was the only one who looked remotely happy, although there was still something off-putting about him. He was tuning his guitar, though every so often he would strike the wrong note. Kai finally realized this usually happened because he would turn his gaze to the two on the couch, glaring at them from behind a fringe of dark hair, probably assuming no one could see the loathsome look on his face because of it.

Reita had long ago abandoned his bass in favor of standing as still as a statue with both hands on his hips. He had his nose strap on, which he only wore outside of the view of fans when he wanted to hide behind it—behind his band persona. His gaze would occasionally flicker over to the two on the couch, but overall he just stood there. He looked somewhat lost, and though he tended to be a restless person, there was a difference between looking lost and restless, Kai reckoned.

“Okay,” the drummer finally piped when he dropped his drumsticks for the fifth time, “is it time to resume practice? How’s your guitar, Aoi?”

“It’s fine,” Aoi said in a sort of strained voice, one that suggested he was pretending to be happy and carefree.

“All righty, back to work then!” Kai announced cheerfully. “Come on, folks, I think it’s time we practiced BEST FRIENDS!”

But no sooner had he gotten the words out of his mouth than a string on Aoi’s guitar snapped as a result of him tightening it too much. “Aw, damnit!” He swore loudly, throwing it down in frustration.

“Calm down, Aoi-kun,” Kai said in a would-be fatherly voice. “You’ll just have to fix it, that’s all. How about a smoking break, everyone?” He smiled cheerily around at his band mates.

“I have to pee,” Ruki muttered, getting up and making for the door.

Uruha got up and left after him. Kai looked at Aoi and Reita, both of whom seemed to have no desire to leave the practice room. “Look,” he said quietly, “I know it’s bothering you guys that Ruki and Uruha have a…a…well, you know…that they’ve announced they’re sort of…seeing each other… But don’t let it get in the way of your talents, okay? We’re a strong band, and we’ll do just fine, even if…well, you know. Obviously.”

Aoi just looked grumpier. Reita was perfectly stoic as he said, “Gotcha.”

Kai wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but he hoped his friends would get over their animosity during the break. “Well, I’m gonna go smoke,” he informed them before leaving the room.

* * * * *

The moment Kai left, Aoi kicked his guitar, instantly regretting it because he loved it and so kicking it was a very stupid thing to do. He picked it up and sat on the couch, fishing a guitar string out of a nearby end table. He lifted his head, spotting Reita sit down on the floor, leaning his back against the wall and shutting his eyes with a sigh. “Oh, what’s your problem?” He huffed, feeling increasingly annoyed because he and Reita couldn’t both be upset at the same time! That ruined his thunder!

Reita opened his eyes and gazed at Aoi thoughtfully for a moment before letting out a huge sigh that sounded like a release of a ton of emotion. “I can’t stand Ruki and Uruha being together like this! It’s tearing me apart!” He shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

Aoi harrumphed. “I agree, it sucks major dick. At least you don’t have questionable feelings for one of them like I do. It’s that much worse, I promise you.”

But Reita’s head shot up at that and he stared at Aoi in numb disbelief. “Y-you like Ruki? What…what is the deal?” He thrust his face back into his hands.

“Stop being retarded,” Aoi waved him off. “I like Uruha. He’s so funny and he has that smile that could light up the whole world… Oh, and the way he chews his food…and then those thighs…” He sighed and shook his head. “But it doesn’t matter. If he likes someone like Ruki he’d never like me. Obviously he likes short, cute people instead of tall, strikingly handsome people.”

Reita rolled his eyes at Aoi’s cleverly feigned arrogance. “Hey, you still have a chance with him, as far as I’m concerned. But Ruki could never go from sexy Uruha to stumbling, bunny-toothed me…”

Aoi raised an eyebrow. “’Bunny-toothed?’” He queried, mouth twitching as he fought off a laugh.

“Don’t make fun of me,” Reita snapped, very obviously not in the mood.

Aoi chuckled. “Relax, I wasn’t going to. I just find it interesting… So you like Ruki. I don’t know why I didn’t notice before. It’s really obvious.”

Although his cheeks were mostly obscured from view, it was still obvious Reita was blushing at the comment. “The problem is that I’ve always been too afraid to tell him that I love him. Now Uruha got to him first. We’re really unlucky, Aoi-kun.” He leaned his head back against the wall again, becoming the picture of defeat.

Aoi had stopped fixing his guitar, though, and was staring at Reita as though he’d just found a lost pyramid. “Reita,” he half-whispered, afraid that speaking any louder would damage his great idea, “I’ve just had a great idea.”

Reita lifted his head, cocking an eyebrow quizzically. “And?”

Aoi grinned and set his guitar aside, standing hurriedly. “And it’s a great idea! I’ll try to seduce Ruki. You bring Uruha into the room right when we’re in a compromising position—preferably one where it looks like Ruki was seducing me. I can manage that, I’m sure… Anyway, we get Uruha to believe that Ruki tried to instigate something with me. He’ll be mad and break it off with Ruki. I’ll be there to apologize and tell him I had no idea what was happening and all that, and you can comfort Ruki when he’s devastated because Uruha dumped him. Oh my god, it’s fool proof!”

There was a slight maniacal glint to his eyes, and Reita wasn’t sure whether to feel aggravated or amused. He shook his head and stood as well. “If anyone can screw up a fool proof plan it’s a fool, though, Aoi. And we’re hardly above acting foolish.”

Aoi waved him off. “No, no, it’ll work, trust me!”

As if the gods were telling them to execute the plan, Ruki suddenly walked in at that very moment. Aoi gave Reita an excited glance. Reita understood the look, and so made for the door. He had very mixed feelings when he left, though.

* * * * *

Ruki turned to watch Reita leave when he brushed past him. There was a sadness in the other man’s eyes he wasn’t accustomed to seeing. Almost without even thinking he turned to go after him, but was stopped when Aoi grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “We’re alone at last, Ruk-kun!” He exclaimed.

Ruki blinked twice before raising both his eyebrows at Aoi. “When did you start doing drugs?” He asked.

Aoi chuckled. “You’re so funny, Ruki-kun. I’m not doing drugs, I just want to be with you. Is that so wrong?”

“Yes,” Ruki said bluntly.

The next moment he let out a surprised and embarrassingly girly squeak when Aoi grabbed his wrist and threw him onto the couch. His guitar fell to the floor with a clatter and he gave it a fleeting glance of remorse before leaning down over Ruki. “You know, Ruki—“

But whatever he was going to say, Ruki didn’t find out. The studio door burst open then, and Reita flew in. “StopAoistopnowyoucan’tseducehim!” He said in a rush of breath.

For a moment Ruki and Aoi were both stunned completely stupid. Then Aoi noticed Uruha had come in behind Reita and said, “Aw, Reita, you were supposed to wait until it looked like Ruki was seducing me!”

“What!?” Ruki exclaimed. “What the hell is going on?”

“I’m here, what’s happening!?” Kai called from down the hall before bursting in and running into Uruha, who then accidentally ran into Reita, who tripped on his own feet and fell over.

The bassist bounced up, his skin flushed a significant shade of red. “I won’t let you seduce him, Aoi,” he said, squaring his shoulders. “In fact, I don’t want you touching him,” he added, a significant severity to his voice. “For one thing, if they’re happy together then it’s wrong for us to tear them apart with fool proof pranks. For another thing…” I love Ruki and for that reason I won’t allow you to touch him like that. But the words wouldn’t come out. Looking at Ruki watching him with such a cute, quizzical expression, his tongue suddenly felt like it’d swelled to twice its size.

“But why would you want to tear us apart?” Uruha asked, stepping a little further into the room.

Reita knew he’d turned even redder, and he ducked his head as he turned away. Aoi got off of Ruki and turned to Uruha with a smile. “Oh, you heard Reita—it was just a silly prank. We sure got you good, didn’t we!” He let out a forced laugh.

The room was awkwardly silent, and his laughter tapered off. Uruha looked between everyone else, obviously still very confused. Kai suddenly burst, “No! No you didn’t! You did a terrible job of pulling a prank! What…what were you hoping to prove, guys? Wow…that was just…that was really awful!”

He looked so surprised that Aoi started to snigger. Then he was laughing. Uruha joined in, looking relieved that there wasn’t some huge, dramatic thing going on without his knowing. Ruki stood up after a moment, though, and said, “Would you two stop laughing? I don’t believe you, Aoi. I don’t believe that was a stupid prank. Not after what Reita said.” He glanced at the bassist, who was cleverly trying to conceal himself behind the microphone stand.

Kai snorted horrendously, and covered his mouth when everyone looked at him. “Sorry. I just think it’s funny that Reita-kun thought we wouldn’t see him if he was standing behind the mic stand.”

But no one responded to him. Ruki walked over to Reita, who ducked his head again. He reached up and grabbed the Bandera, pulling it down sharply, and exposing Reita’s face completely. “Why do you always try to hide behind things?” He asked softly.

Reita shrugged, but didn’t say anything. The other three exchanged glances, and then a gasp emitted from each when Ruki closed the space between himself and Reita, kissing him gently on the lips. Kai slapped a hand to his cheek, looking stunned. “Now wait…if Ruki’s with Uruha, why is he kissing Reita?”

Aoi blinked at him curiously, and then turned to face Uruha. “Uruha, I have something to tell you, and I should have said it a long time ago.”

Uruha’s beautiful smile lit up his face and he said almost breathlessly, “Yes?”

Instead of saying something verbally, Aoi grabbed him and dipped him, kissing him roughly on the lips as he did so. Kai let out an almighty gasp, slapping his other hand to his other cheek. “W-what…wait, I thought Uruha…I am so confused.”

Ruki broke away from Reita and smiled brightly. “Am I right in assuming you’re upset Uruha asked me out?”

Reita shrugged again, looking at a loss for words. “Well…you know…“

“Would you be really angry if I said I only went out with Uruha because I hadn’t been with someone in a long time?” Ruki went on as though Reita hadn’t said anything. “And would you be terribly upset if I said I was waiting for you to ask me out? You slow poke…”

Reita blinked a few times, and then smiled and slipped his arms around Ruki, pulling him into a tight embrace. “Well…you know…”

Kai made his way to the couch and sat down, looking back and forth between Aoi and Uruha, who were still snogging, and Ruki and Reita, who looked like a cuddling married couple. “I get it,” he murmured, realization dawning on his features. He paused to laugh, and shook his head in bemusement. “What a tangled web we weave…”

Part 2

---

Notes: 1) I should have the next part up tomorrow if all goes well! ^_~

Crossover - Multiple pairings - Abingdon School For Boys - 20/33

2007-05-17T05:25:42Z

Title: Abingdon School For Boys
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Smut/Fun?
Artists: abingdon boys school, Dir en grey, Gackt, Miyavi, Ayumi Hamasaki
Pairings: Multiple
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sexual content, language, possibly more as I go along
Summary: AU Crossover. Takanori is a spunky student at Abingdon School For Boys where he wrestles with classes, complex roommates, social endeavors, and a schoolboy crush on his eccentric headmaster.
Notes: Another chapter! I'm getting tired of trying to come up with things to say about them, though. Damn, this is a long story. =_=
「previous parts」 | 「cast of characters」 | 「school map」

Part 20: Gackt's Interference

Takanori wished he could put his finger on what was upsetting Kyo, but it was near impossible to read the other boy. Over the next couple of days after Christmas they did everything together—snowball fights, meals, book readings in the library, and even make-out sessions in hidden nooks where they thought nobody would find them. Even so, Kyo seemed very distracted and almost melancholy in a way.

The night before New Year’s Eve found them sitting in front of the fireplace in the common room. They had the whole Crescent House to themselves, so they spent a lot of time there. Kyo was reading a book, and Takanori was snuggled up against him, simply watching the flames, and feeling warm and content. “Aren’t you tired of reading yet?” He murmured after awhile, stifling a yawn the moment the words left his mouth.

“Nn,” Kyo said.

Takanori resituated himself so he could look at Kyo’s face. He seemed very engrossed in his book, and it was almost cute to watch him read it. He scratched his nose…turned the page…his eyes widened as some turn of event occurred in the story. Takanori chuckled and rested his head against Kyo’s shoulder once more. “You’re funny to watch while you’re reading.”

“Mm-hm,” Kyo said.

Takanori’s hands were beneath the blanket that was covering them. He found Kyo’s thigh and gave it a squeeze. “I think I’m ready to go to bed.”

Kyo was silent for a few seconds, and then he muttered, “See you in the morning.”

“Kyo!” Takanori whined, slapping his thigh. “I don’t want to go to bed alone! Can’t you put the book away for the night and come up with me? Anyway, haven’t you read all the books in the library yet?”

Kyo chuckled at that, and set the book down for a moment, using his thumb to save his place. “Not yet. I still have about a third of them to go,” he teased.

“Well, hurry it up! You’re awful boring when you just sit and read all the time,” Takanori yawned.

“Just let me finish this chapter.”

And Kyo went right back to reading. Takanori rolled his eyes, but he was feeling rather mischievous all of a sudden. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he massaged Kyo’s thigh with one hand, allowing the other one to drift to the right to touch his groin.

“Don’t,” Kyo said sharply.

Takanori tilted his head back and saw that his eyes were still on the book. He grinned and sat up a little more as he moved his hand over Kyo’s crotch again.

“Takanori,” Kyo warned.

Takanori bit back a laugh, and scooted closer to the other boy so he could leave kisses on his jaw line and gnaw on his ear. He continued to stroke him beneath the blanket, but Kyo didn’t say anything this time. Although he was wearing jeans, Takanori could tell he was hardening. He chortled against Kyo’s neck before licking and sucking on the skin there.

Suddenly Kyo let out a disgruntled sigh, and picked up his bookmark, shoving it into the book before he let it fall to the floor. “You couldn’t have let me finish the chapter?”

“Mmm, nope,” Takanori breathed against Kyo’s rapidly beating pulse. “Why’s your heart beating so fast?” He asked as he moved to straddle the other’s hips.

“It’s your fault,” Kyo murmured, his head falling back against the couch as Takanori continued to lavish attention on him.

Takanori fought a giggle and just continued with his ministrations. He carefully undid Kyo’s pants, and slipped a hand into his underwear. Kyo arched into him when he did that, so he brought his lips over to his, kissing him fiercely. Kyo sat up some so he could kiss back better, and his arms came almost instantly around Takanori. “We shouldn’t,” he insisted a moment later.

“Aw, but it’s our last time to be completely alone in the common room!” Takanori protested. “Besides, you haven’t let me touch you like this in awhile.”

“And for good reason,” Kyo muttered, arching against Takanori’s touch again.

Takanori started to say something else, but at that moment they became aware of another presence in the common room—one that hadn’t bothered announcing itself until then. “Hello, boys.”

Takanori jumped, and both of them looked over at their headmaster, who did not look at all amused to have found them in such a position. “G-Headmaster!” Takanori gasped.

“If you would fix your appearances and then report to my office, please,” Gackt said sternly.

He left after that. Takanori slid off of Kyo and stood up, running a shaky hand through his hair. “Oh my god…oh my god…do you think he’ll tell our families? Because mine doesn’t know I’m gay! How-how are we—why did he come in here anyway!? Oh my god…oh my god…”

Kyo threw off the blanket and hurriedly tucked himself back into his underwear before zipping his pants up. “If you’d waited until I’d finished the damn chapter he wouldn’t have walked in on something questionable,” he said angrily.

“Don’t get mad at me!” Takanori retorted.

“You’re the one who started it!” Kyo snapped. “You can’t keep your fucking dick in your fucking pants, and you can’t resist touching other people’s!”

Takanori felt tears prickle at the back of his eyes, and he put his hands on his hips. “Are you saying that I’m a slut?”

“Yes!” Kyo all-but roared. “Yes, Takanori, I am calling you a slut right to your face!”

Takanori gasped; that’s not what he’d been expecting at all. “W-well then you—if you do stuff with me—y-you’re nothing but a-a—“

“Just shut up!” Kyo went on. “If you weren’t such a tramp things wouldn’t be this way! Everything would be better if you’d just—if you’d just—“

“If I’d just what!?” Takanori shouted, fighting off the tears that were still threatening to come out of his eyes.

“If you’d just stick with one person!” Kyo yelled back.

He brushed past him and marched to the door. Takanori followed after him. “Well, maybe I will then! I’ll tell you one thing, though: it isn’t going to be you!”

“Good!” Kyo hollered behind him. “Because I don’t want to be with you anyway. I’m straight, remember?”

“Yeah right! If you were straight you wouldn’t get hard just by coming near me!”

“That isn’t true!” Kyo gasped, whirling around halfway to the school house and shoving Takanori. “Look, whatever gets me off is my own problem. You’re not as great as you think you are, so get over yourself!”

“The headmaster thinks I’m great!” Takanori exclaimed as Kyo turned back around and started toward the main school building.

“Well, be with HIM then! Go let HIM take your virginity if he’s so bloody PERFECT.”

He flung open the door, and Takanori hurried to get inside before it closed on him. “Maybe I will! After all, he knows all the forbidden places!”

Kyo stopped again, facing Takanori and hissing out, “Fuck you!”

“Sorry, you won’t get that pleasure,” Takanori said haughtily, sticking out his tongue.

“You little—“

But instead of finishing his sentence, Kyo grabbed Takanori’s face and kissed him hard. Takanori was nearly ridden breathless by the force behind it, and he grabbed Kyo’s arms to help steady himself. When Kyo let go of him he stared at him oddly for a moment before turning around and marching in the direction of Gackt’s office. Takanori stared after him briefly, and then scurried toward Gackt’s office as well.

They both went inside, Takanori looking slightly embarrassed and guilty, while Kyo was practically strutting with a rebellious presence. “Let’s make this quick, Headmaster,” he said flatly. “We’re both very tired and ready for bed.”

Gackt eyed him for a moment, and then cleared his throat. “Allow me to be frank—“

“Only if you allow me to be Kyo, and him to be Takanori,” Kyo quipped.

Takanori’s jaw dropped and he stared at Kyo like he’d just lost his marbles. Gackt took no notice of the remark and went on talking. “Activities such as what you two were just involved in cannot be allowed here at Abingdon. It’s not so much a matter of morals as it is a matter of safety. I’ll let you both off with a warning tonight, but the next time I learn of something like that happening I’ll have to notify your parents of it and let them take the proper actions. Do you understand?”

Takanori did not understand, and he wanted to tell Gackt so, but he just nodded. Kyo was glaring at the Headmaster, though, and said, “So it’s okay for you to write sexually explicit love letters to a minor, but it’s not okay for Takanori and I to make out in the common room?”

Takanori gasped and slapped both his hands to his cheeks in surprise. Gackt stood up, so Kyo followed suit. The Headmaster looked neither amused nor alarmed, and when he spoke it was with a finality Takanori had never heard. “There was more than snogging going on in there tonight, and I won’t hear another false accusation against myself.”

“There was nothing false about it!” Kyo yelled, slamming his palms against Gackt’s desk. “I saw the—“

“Leave now,” Gackt said bluntly. “Now before I skip the warning and just call your parents tonight.”

Whether Kyo believed Gackt or not didn’t show, but he certainly didn’t seem to want to take any chances, so he turned and marched out of the office. Takanori scrambled to his feet, but Gackt said, “Not you, Takanori. I want a private word.”

He swallowed and watched apprehensively as Gackt walked around the desk to shut the door. He then approached Takanori, who backed up until he ran into a shelf. Gackt stopped in front of him and bent his head to whisper, “Why did you show those letters to him? Do you understand what could happen if other people found out about our relationship?”

Takanori moved his mouth up and down a few times before finding a response. “What relationship?” He croaked out. “We don’t have one. You just want to—you know…”

Gackt shook his head. “That isn’t true, Takanori, and I’m sorry you think so. Listen, tomorrow morning I want you to bring those letters to me straight away. And please don’t tell Mr. Nishimura about any of our meetings.”

Takanori straightened up. “Well, I won’t because we aren’t going to have anymore, are we?”

Gackt looked slightly taken aback, but didn’t say anymore as Takanori pushed past him and left the room. He broke into a run and didn’t stop until he’d left the main building; the only reason he did was because the moment he flew out the door, someone grabbed his arm. He started to yell, but a hand was thrust over his mouth and he found himself face-to-face with Kyo. “Oh, god,” he breathed when the other let go. “You scared the living daylights out of me!” He rested a hand over his pounding heart.

“What did he say?” Kyo whispered.

Takanori rolled his eyes and started marching for the Crescent House, shivering since he just realized he was wearing his pajamas out in the snow. “Well, he wants to burn the letters because you opened your big, fat mouth.”

“Oh, right, because they’re so important to you,” Kyo said bitterly. “You may not be able to sleep without them under your pillow.”

Takanori whirled around, uncaring of the cold for a moment. “You know what, I don’t need them, and when he told me not to tell you about anymore of our encounters, I told him I wouldn’t because there weren’t going to be anymore, okay? Are you happy?”

He went on his way to the Crescent House. He could hear Kyo following him, but neither of them said anything. They proceeded in going all the way up to their room. Kyo sat on his bed, sliding down beneath the duvet. Takanori pulled the letters out from beneath his pillow and dropped them on the nightstand. He truly had mixed feelings about letting the headmaster destroy them, but he wasn’t about to admit that to Kyo…

“Are you…I mean, do you still want to share a bed tonight? Could be our last night since I know at least Kaoru’s coming back tomorrow…” Kyo spoke up, his voice hardly audible for some reason.

Takanori raised a curious eyebrow at him, and then turned out the lights. He approached the bed, pulling back the covers so he could settle in next to Kyo. “I thought we were mad at each other.”

“Not really,” Kyo sighed, his body relaxing instantly when Takanori curled up against him. “I just had a moment of panic earlier. I’m sorry I called you a…well, you know. I’m not sorry about the other thing I said, though. About how you should stick with one person.”

Takanori blinked into the darkness, eventually catching the outline of Kyo’s chest as it rose and fell with his breathing. “One person…you mean you?”

Kyo was quiet for a long moment. At last he found a response. “No. You should be with the person you truly care about most.”

Takanori didn’t say anything to that. He felt confused by his own feelings, and it was awhile before he nodded off to sleep.

* * * * *

It was about a quarter after ten the next morning that a bus rolled up, full of the students who had decided to return to usher in the New Year with their classmates. Kyo and Takanori were waiting outside for Kaoru, though Takanori insisted he didn’t need a welcoming committee. They were both shocked, however, when it wasn’t just Kaoru who emerged from the vehicle. All of their roommates had come back, and so had Hiroshi and Die. There was immediately a lot of loud chattering, hand-shaking and hugging. Kaoru slapped a hand on Kyo’s back, giving him a wide grin. “Well, did you survive the Christmas holiday, mate? Just you and Takanori… Must have been cozy.”

Kyo couldn’t hide the blush that tinted his cheeks. He grabbed Kaoru’s sleeve. “Come with me; I have to talk to you about something.”

They started off toward the main school building, but were stopped when Takanori ran out in front of them to exclaim, “Where are you going!? We’re all going to play board games in the common room! You can’t skip out, Kyo, you just can’t! Er—and we’d love to have you, too, Kaoru.” He glanced over at Kaoru.

Kaoru flicked some dark hair out of his face. “Aww, you’re so kind for thinking of me,” he said sarcastically.

Takanori blushed. “I’m sorry, it’s just that Kyo—“

Kaoru waved him off. “Don’t explain yourself…I’m just giving you a hard time.”

Kyo cleared his throat. “We’ll be right there. I just…I mean, Kaoru is kind of hungry so we’re going to nick some snacks from the kitchen.”

Takanori nodded and then gasped as a big grin lit up his face. “Oh! Then bring some back for the rest of us! This is going to be so much fun!” He flung his arms around Kyo’s neck before bouncing back toward the Crescent House.

Kyo shook his head and started in the direction of the main school building. Kaoru chuckled and fell in step beside him, his bag still over his shoulder. “Let’s make this short then. I don’t want to cart this thing all over the grounds.”

Kyo waited until they were in the library. Maude wasn’t around again; apparently she figured kids wouldn’t want to visit the library during the holidays so it wasn’t necessary for her to patrol it. They went to a table and each took a chair. For awhile it was silent as Kyo stared at his clasped hands and Kaoru played with the zipper on his bag. At last he sighed and said, “At least if you want to have a proper staring contest you should be looking at my eyes…”

Kyo looked up and swallowed. “Look, I know you’re going to laugh or say ‘I knew it’ or something else like that, but… The fact of the matter is I-I discovered something while everyone else was away.”

Another pause. Kaoru spread his hands a little in expectation and said, “And?”

Kyo swallowed again. It wasn’t easy for him to admit to anyone, and it was quite possibly because he’d always believed himself a proud, straight man. In the end he had to look back down at his hands before he could sputter out, “I’m in love with Takanori.”

But to his surprise, Kaoru neither laughed nor made a snide comment. When he looked back up at him, the taller boy was leaning back in his chair, nodding while he rubbed his chin. “I see… Well, bravo, mate. I’m happy for you. When’s the wedding?”

Kyo narrowed his eyes. “I’m being dead serious, you rotten git.”

“As am I!” Kaoru exclaimed, sitting up and slamming his palm down on the table. “I’ve been watching it develop over the last couple of months. Ever since Halloween, really. I’m just surprised it’s taken you so long to figure it out. Have you told Taka yet?”

Kyo shook his head vigorously. “No, because he isn’t going to find out. I didn’t tell you about it so you could congratulate me, I told you so you could help me get over him.”

Kaoru raised an eyebrow. He leaned back again and continued rubbing his chin. “Right…because this would successfully make you happy…”

“It’s not about my happiness,” Kyo said sharply. “It’s about the fact that he’s not in love with me, and anyway…I’m not supposed to like guys.”

Kaoru nodded and said in all seriousness, “Oh right, I forgot that’s written in the Book of Kyo. Remind me again, which verse declares that ‘Kyo shall always make stupid decisions and act like a ruddy moron?’”

Kyo stood up abruptly and pushed the chair back in before walking away. “You know, if you’re not going to be any help then I’ll handle it myself.”

Kaoru jumped up as well, slung his bag back over his shoulder, and hurried after Kyo. “Fine, I’ll help! I’m just saying, I don’t understand your logic. Frankly, I’ve always hated labels like ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ anyway. If it’s love, it’s love, and it shouldn’t matter if the person has a penis or two tits. Or three tits…imagine what that would be like…”

“Stop kidding around,” Kyo muttered as they made their way across the snow-laden outdoors.

“I’m not kidding around,” Kaoru said, a note of sincerity in his voice. “I’m being damn serious. And on top of that, I think you should prove you have a couple of balls in your trousers and claim him as your own. Tell him you love him, tell him you can’t live without him, tell him to stay the hell away from the headmaster, and don’t take no for an answer!”

Kyo whirled around; they were at the door to the Crescent House. “I can’t do that, okay?” He said quietly. “I don’t have a right to decide for Takanori who he’s going to be with. Either help me get over him, or don’t help me.”

Kaoru sighed and reached around him to open the door. “I’ll help, but only because you’ve been a damn nice friend and I’d hate to be an ungrateful bastard.”

“Good,” Kyo said with a sigh of relief.

They went the short distance to the common room, where the others were already involved in a heated game of Risk. Takanori’s face broke into a grin upon spotting them, and he beckoned frantically for Kyo to come sit by him. Kaoru chuckled on their way over there, and Kyo said under his breath, “What?”

“Oh, nothing,” Kaoru whispered nonchalantly. “I just wondered if you even considered he might feel the same way about you.”

“Of course he doesn’t,” Kyo snapped.

But for the first time, he really did consider. Takanori grabbed his wrist and pulled him down so he was sitting beside him on the couch. Their hands were barely a centimeter away all morning, and when they went on their way to lunch, Takanori tucked his arm in Kyo’s and led him to the dining hall like that. Kyo noted that Shinya was clutching Die very much the same way, and it was easy for him to put two and two together. Kaoru gave him a significant glance and he swallowed, glancing over at Takanori as he buttered a roll. Takanori smiled at him. “What is it?”

Kyo shook his head and looked down at his plate very quickly. “N-nothing.”

“Here, this one’s for you,” Takanori said, setting the roll on his plate and then reaching for another for himself. When he’d finished, his hand slipped beneath the table and found Kyo’s. Kyo felt goose bumps shiver up his spine, but said nothing. Neither of them saw that Gackt was watching them closely.

Part 21

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Notes: 1) N/A

Psycho le Cemu - Lida/Daishi - February Song - 1/1

2007-05-16T18:11:20Z

Title: February Song
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Theme: #42 Song
Genre: General
Band: Psycho le Cemu
Pairings: Lida x Daishi (friendship)
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: Every February Lida examines his and Daishi's friendship.
Notes: This is my lame attempt at trying to write LxD as friends and not as lovers. XD; I actually think I did a good job of making it pretty platonic. It's a really short fic, though... I was inspired by Josh Groban's "February Song" because I looked at the lyrics and went, "OhhLidaDaishi!" ToT

February Song

    Where has that old friend gone?
    Lost in a February song

“Momma, why doesn’t Daishi like his parents?”

Mrs. Akeda was taken aback by the blunt simplicity of the question. She was doing the dishes, and a young Lida was sitting on a chair at the kitchen table, munching on some crackers—before he was Lida, of course; when he was Tatsuya. Since he was eight, he was old enough to ask such questions, but it still took her by surprise. She set down the dish in her hands as she thought of an answer. Finally she turned a smile on Tatsuya and said, “Well, you don’t like your parents either, do you?”

Tatsuya shook his head, shoving a cracker into his mouth. “No, I love you, Momma.”

“Ah, but you said like,” reminded Mrs. Akeda, turning back to her dishes, as though that settled the matter.

Tatsuya shook his head again. “No, he doesn’t love his parents either.”

Another stunted silence followed that. Tatsuya continued nibbling on his crackers, and Mrs. Akeda turned a hundred answers over in her head. At last she turned off the faucet and wiped her soapy hands on a towel. She came over to the table, and sat in the seat opposite of Tatsuya. “I can’t answer that question, dear,” she said carefully. “If you really think Daishi doesn’t love his parents then—“

“He told me so,” Tatsuya said matter-of-factly.

Mrs. Akeda wasn’t even shocked. She only knew Mr. Kajinaga by reputation—he was a big shareholder in a motorcycle company, and hardly ever spent time away from work. Word had it he was obsessed with money, reputation, and success. She’d met Mrs. Kajinaga once, and found she disliked her greatly. She was young and impetuous, and obviously very discontent with the life she’d found herself with. She seemed to look at Daishi as the child she never meant to have, and thus treated him accordingly. Mrs. Akeda refrained from saying anything bad about Daishi’s upbringing to Tatsuya, but she’d always feared that because of how he was raised, he would eventually join a bad crowd, and if that happened…well, unlike Mrs. Kajinaga, she actually did care about her son’s well-being.

“Tatsuya, honey,” she spoke finally, “I can’t answer that question for you. Only Daishi can tell you why he feels that way.”

Tatsuya nodded and went right back to munching on his crackers. He looked thoughtful, though, and after a moment said, “He loves me, though.”

Mrs. Akeda raised an eyebrow. “And did he tell you that, too?”

Tatsuya nodded, giving his mother a toothy grin. “Yeah, and he said we’re friends. Maybe one day we’ll be best friends. What do you think?”

Mrs. Akeda chuckled, and turned her gaze to look out the window. Snow was falling softly, some of it already sticking to the bare trees in their miniscule backyard. “I think you should look back every February and see where you are now. See what’s changed from this February day.”

Tatsuya gave another nod, and then resumed eating, though this time he was watching the snow drift lazily down.

    I never want to let you down
    Forgive me if I slip away…

It had been more than ten years since Lida’d been known as Tatsuya, except by people like his mother or…Daishi. No matter how old they’d gotten, they had always retained some element of their childhood. He could remember them still having sleepovers—even in the days of Psycho le Cému. Sometimes they would play video games or watch pornography. In the summer they would go swimming together. In February they would have snowball fights or watch movies with hot chocolate.

On this February day, Lida was sitting at home, watching the snow fall, and waiting for an old friend to call him back. It had been four years since their band had split—four years since they’d had a parting of the ways. It hadn’t even been on good terms, either. He knew Daishi had regrets, but he couldn’t help feeling he had worse ones. He regretted being so hard on his friend. He regretted letting mistakes and imperfections drive them apart. He regretted acting immaturely when Daishi apologized and tried to make amends. He was sure his regrets outdid Daishi’s by this point.

It had bothered him, not just this February, but during the last few Februarys. Once he had understood what true friendship meant. When he was eight years old he’d understood that he loved Daishi. And to be fair, Daishi screwed up a lot back then, too. He couldn’t help feeling he’d let his friend down. He couldn’t help feeling he’d been the one to make the ultimate screw-up at the end of all things.

The ringing of his phone cut through the dim quiet of the small house he was living in; it caused him to jump without meaning to. He reached for the receiver, and held it shakily to his ear. “Moshi moshi,” he said, his mouth dry, his heart pounding.

“…Tatsuya? Er, I guess you still go by Lida these days… It’s—it’s me, Daishi.”

There was a note of caution in Daishi’s voice. He sounded more worried than Lida felt. He smiled, finding that it helped him when he spoke again. “Hey, you got my phone call?”

“Yes…” Daishi sounded uncertain; he was undoubtedly curious as to why his ex-best friend would have called after so many years.

Lida still smiled. “I was thinking about you a lot and I just wanted to know if you want to come over for a little while today. I’m free, so…I just figured…”

There was a surprised silence on the other end, but finally Daishi’s voice broke through. “Okay. Do you live at the same place?” He asked, his voice oddly thick.

“No, but I can give you some directions…”

Nearly half an hour later, Lida was still on the couch, but he was cracking his knuckles nervously as he waited for a knock on the door. He had put the kettle on so they could drink some tea. It seemed a perfect day to just sit on the couch and have tea while the snow fell delicately outside.

Knock, knock.

Lida’s blood froze, and for a tiny moment he had second thoughts. He swallowed and went to the door, opening it, and for the first time in years, looking at the face of someone who had been his dearest friend. Daishi looked different, of course—he was leaner, his hair was brown with blonde streaks, and even his fashion sense had changed. He had the same warm brown eyes, though, and the same large smile that he flashed at Lida instantly.

Lida smiled back and said simply, “It’s good to see you again, Daishi.”

If he hadn’t known that he couldn’t possibly have said something wrong, he would have thought he did. The moment the words left his mouth, Daishi let out a choked sob, and hurriedly covered his face with his hands. “I’m sorry,” he managed before more sobs left his throat.

Suddenly Lida felt as though the last four years had never happened. He grabbed Daishi’s arm and pulled him into the apartment, and into a tight hug, shutting the door with his other hand. Daishi kept his head bent against Lida’s chest, obviously embarrassed as he continued to cry. Lida just continued to embrace him, feeling his eyes mist over. “Are you okay?” He murmured, hearing a tremor in his own voice.

Daishi nodded, and ripped away, still looking mildly humiliated. He brushed his tears away, and gave Lida that same big grin. “I just can’t believe you called me. I’m crying because I’m happy…as gay as that is.”

Lida laughed. It was amazing how quickly he felt comfortable around the other man again. “Go ahead and take your coat off. I’ve made some tea.”

When Daishi removed the jacket, Lida saw the tattoo on his forearm. It had never been there while they new each other; it was a reminder of how much had changed between them in the last four years. Yet, there were reminders of how much stayed the same. Daishi sat down on the same couch cushion he’d always sat on when he came to visit. He had the same nervous habits, like jiggling his leg and running his hand through his hair.

Soon Lida brought over two mugs of steaming green tea. He handed one to Daishi, and sat beside him. Daishi kicked off his shoes, and pulled his legs onto the couch, crossing them Indian-style. It was obvious by his face that he was older, but at the same time, he looked like that same boy Lida remembered when he was eight. “I missed you, D,” he said simply. “And I shouldn’t have thrown away our friendship. Every February since we were eight, I’ve examined our relationship and how it’s changed. The last four years, though…well, it’s been hell to think about it.”

“Then why did you?” Daishi asked, cocking his head and eyeing Lida curiously.

Lida shrugged. “I…I don’t really know. It was impossible not to, you know? February just makes me think automatically of our friendship. Imagine going through a whole month, thinking constantly of someone who used to be your best friend. It hurts.”

Daishi chuckled and shrugged. “Well, I’ve gone through every whole month, thinking constantly of someone who used to be my best friend. I would agree—it hurts a lot.”

Lida swallowed, feeling emotional again all of a sudden. He set his tea on the coffee table and extended his hand to Daishi. “I-I want us to be friends again.”

Daishi looked at his hand with a raised eyebrow. He offered a smile to Lida and set his mug aside as well. “Really?”

Lida nodded, hoping he looked as sincere as he felt. Daishi made a face. “I kind of had a feeling when you called me up.”

Lida smiled, holding his hand out a little more. “Shall we shake on it?”

Daishi shook his head. “Not good enough.”

He slapped Lida’s hand away, and flung his arms around his middle. Lida laughed and hugged him back. Reconciliation was a good feeling, but an even better feeling was that he wouldn’t have to be depressed every year during the month of February.

    And I never want to let you down
    Forgive me if I slip away
    When all that I’ve known is lost and found
    I promise you, I’ll come back to you one day

OWARI

---

Notes: 1) Written for 50stories
2) Download February Song
3) My sources tell me Lida and Daishi didn't really achieve "best friendom" until they were teenagers, but I don't care. It's called fanfiction for a reason, and I can never stress that enough. -_-;
4) Daishi did indeed get a tattoo on his right arm recently! You can see it in this picture.

Dir en grey - Kaoru/Kyo - The Unexpected Mishap - 6/?

2007-05-15T21:52:47Z

Dir en grey/Sadie - Kyo/Mao - Flowers of Pursued Love - 3/11

2007-05-10T21:52:03Z

Title: Flowers of Pursued Love
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Angst/Romance/Smut
Artists: Dir en grey, サディ (Sadie)
Pairings: Kyo x Mao, Toshiya x Kei, ? x Kei
Rating: NC-17 (eventually)
Summary: Crossover. Oh yes, this is a sequel to my two parter: The Two Sides of Fame. Mao's band mates try to hook he and Kyo back up, while Kyo's band mates try to keep them apart.
Notes: Here it is! Sorry it took a little while. Good news, though: I'M DONE WITH SCHOOL! I had my last final today! So I'm feeling pretty amazing, and I'm sure there'll be fairly steady updates until I leave for JROCK REVOLUTION. I'm not as happy with this chapter, but the next will be better. ;)

Part 3

The shock was so great that for a moment, no one seemed to know what to say. It was Kei who broke the silence by nearly shouting out, “What!? Mao, you can’t quit the band!”

Everyone else quickly joined in then. “You’re going crazy!” Mizuki decided.

“What kind of boneheaded decision is that?” Tsurugi retorted.

“Why?” Aki asked, apparently at a loss for what else to say.

Mao sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I have to. I-I can’t do this anymore. It’s just going to get harder and harder, and there are some things about fame that I don’t want to deal with. I’m tired of sacrificing my own happiness to make my dreams come true.”

“But being Sadie’s vocalist does make you happy!” Aki exclaimed.

“Not anymore!” Mao snapped. “Just…just don’t make this harder than it is.”

“So you’re just going to throw all our dreams to the ground because some dumbass musician decided to screw you over?” Tsurugi asked angrily. “Is that it, Mao? Because you know bands never get over the loss of a vocalist! You’re the face of the band, and you’re going to make us suffer for your frivolity!”

“Tsurugi, that’s enough!” Kei hissed.

“He’s right,” Aki said, crossing his arms over his chest. He ignored Kei’s immediate protesting, and just spoke again. “Mao, it’s not fair to the rest of us for you to do this. You should have thought things through with Kyo-san. You should have figured it would probably turn out this way. I’m shocked at your lack of common sense.”

Mao was so stunned that Aki was saying such things, and so harshly, too. He couldn’t find his voice to reply. The bassist stepped closer and grabbed both of his shoulders. “I’m sorry you got hurt,” he continued, his voice much softer, “but do you really want to throw away all your dreams because of one stupid guy? Please, don’t do that. Not just for us, but for yourself. I truly believe that Kyo-san was wrong for listening to his band mates, and they were wrong for making him split up with you. But it can’t be helped! We tried to reason with them, but—“

“You saw Kyo?” Mao asked, his eyes widening of their own will.

The other four looked around at one another, guilty expressions on their faces. At last Kei stepped forward and said, “We did, and he’s very upset, too. It’s not just you suffering in this whole ordeal, Mao.”

“So stop being so selfish,” Tsurugi put in.

Kei whirled on him. “Tsurugi, do you have to be so heartless?”

“I’m not being heartless, I’m being honest!”

“But there are times—“

“Shhh!” Aki butt in. “Please, guys, not now.” He turned back to Mao. “Yes, we went to their studio and found a way to meet with them—“ Mizuki harrumphed, and Aki sighed. “Some of us had to sacrifice more than others so we could get back there, but we did it for you, so we weren’t bitter.” He shot a glance at Mizuki, who looked away sheepishly. “Anyway, Mao, Kyo-san didn’t want to break up with you, but the others told him he had to. It’s one of their band rules, or something. We requested they let you two get back together, but they wouldn’t have it.” He paused to stare off in the distance, admiration shining on his face. “They have such stony resolve! That Kaoru-san is really amazing. I don’t think I’d have the balls to make decisions like that, but he does, and he sticks with them! That’s so—“

Mizuki cleared his throat. “Um, I don’t think Mao cares about Kaoru-san’s balls, Aki. Especially since he’s the one causing all the problems.”

Aki blushed and nodded, then turned back to Mao once more. “The point is, Mao, that…you just can’t quit Sadie.”

Mao looked between all of them for a thoughtful moment, then said sharply, “That’s for me to decide.” He got in the taxi, but rolled down the window. “Just let me go to Kyoto for a few days to see my mom and dad. I’ll come back with my decision.”

He rolled the window back up, and they watched with heavy hearts as the car bearing their friend and vocalist drove away, out of sight. Aki turned to Kei. “Toshiya-san’s number is still on your hand, right, Kei?”

Kei snorted. “Of course! Please, Aki…as if I’m ever washing this hand!”

* * * * *

The moment the taxi started away from his friends, Mao knew he was being selfish and stupid. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, wondering just when his life had gotten so complicated. He loved being the vocalist of Sadie, and that was really all he wanted to do with his life. His father could probably get him a job back home in Kyoto, but the prospects of that life weren’t great to him. He’d be just another average guy working for a big company. He’d get married to some woman that his parents liked. They’d have children he would hardly ever see because he’d be forced to work so many hours for a company he probably wouldn’t even care about at all. In the end he would die a sad, old man—probably after his wife divorced him, he reckoned.

“Kyoto, you said?” The cab driver piped up all of a sudden.

Mao looked at him in the rearview mirror, momentarily at a loss. Finally he regained his voice, and said, “No, actually, but there’s somewhere else you can take me…”

Within minutes the cab was parking outside of Dir en grey’s recording studio. Apparently it was the end of the day for the band, for they were actually leaving just as he got there. “I’ll just be a few minutes,” he said to the driver before flying out of the taxi.

Dir en grey were only a few steps out of the recording studio, and Kyo instantly spotted him. He looked stunned—too stunned to say anything or do anything. He just stopped walking, and the others all stopped after a moment, too, turning back to look at him. Mao hurried over there, stopping a few paces in front of Kyo—ignoring the others. “Kyo-san…” he started, though he didn’t know what he planned on saying.

The other four were all watching Kyo interestedly, and the one Mao recognized as Kaoru said, “Kyo?”

Kyo didn’t seem to hear him as he gave Mao a smile and said, “Hi, Mao-kun…it’s been awhile.”

“Mao-kun!” Burst a voice to the left. Mao turned to look, and found himself being engulfed in a hug by Toshiya. “Wow, it’s a pleasure to meet you!” He gushed. “Kyo’s told us all about you! You’re so cute, by the way, just what I pictured!”

He pulled away and the next thing Mao knew, his hand was being shaken by Shinya, who bowed slightly and said, “Nice to meet you, Mao-kun.”

“Isn’t he just what you pictured?” Toshiya asked him.

Shinya covered a smile with his hand, but nodded anyway. Mao was waiting for them to start fussing over him like Kyo’s surrogate mothers or something, but they just continued to whisper things to each other. Die came into his view range then and said, “So you’re the one taking it up the ass, huh?”

“DIE!” Toshiya and Shinya exclaimed as one.

“How tactless!” Shinya sighed while Toshiya bopped the guitarist on the head.

“What?” Die asked, looking totally innocent. “I just asked a simple question…”

Kaoru cleared his throat then, which turned everyone’s eyes on him. “Um, I think Kyo has something to say to Mao…”

Kyo looked at Kaoru with raised eyebrows, his face obviously saying, ”And just what would that be?”

Kaoru sighed, and smiled at Mao. “Will you excuse us for a minute?” He glanced at Die. “Be polite, please.”

He marched Kyo a few yards away. “You know what you have to say to him, Kyo,” he said softly.

Kyo crossed his arms over his chest. “Actually I don’t. Why don’t you enlighten me, Leader-sama?”

Kaoru was quiet for as long as it took him to fish a cigarette out of his pocket. He lit it, and shoved it between his lips, looking slightly frazzled. “Kyo, please… I’m not trying to be an asshole here.”

“Then you’re failing,” Kyo spat.

“Would you please just put an end to this!?” Kaoru hissed before grabbing Kyo under the armpit and hauling him back over to the others.

As soon as he was close enough, Mao reached for Kyo’s hand. He didn’t care if he was allowed to or not; he missed the older man. He missed touching him, missed talking to him and being with him… Kyo’s fingers closed around his, and he gave him a look of deep remorse. “Kyo-san,” Mao tried again, hoping his voice wouldn’t fail him. “Kyo-san, can we…I mean, fame doesn’t have to tear us apart…” His voice was hopeful—much more hopeful than he actually felt.

Kyo swallowed, and then shot a glare at Kaoru. “Kaoru has something to say to you.”

Kaoru’s jaw dropped. “No, Kyo, I think you—“

“I don’t want to say it,” Kyo said firmly. “You can.”

Kaoru ran a hand through his hair before turning his full attention to Mao. “Listen, Mao-kun… It’s not that Kyo doesn’t want to be with you, but…well, it’s better that he just end the relationship now before it can go downhill. It’s…it’s over, and he’s not going to take you back. He refuses to be with you for the sake of your band as much as ours.” He took a deep breath, looking like it took much effort to say the very last thing. “Music is the number one thing in Kyo’s life. Nothing and no one will ever change that.”

Mao looked between Kaoru’s stern gaze to Kyo, who was purposely looking anywhere but at his eyes. At last he pulled his hand roughly from Kyo’s and exclaimed, “So that’s it, is it? All that you said about not wanting to be famous… That was all a lie! You want your fame, and I could jeopardize it!”

“What?” Kyo gasped. “Mao, that’s ridiculous, if I wanted more fame I would have taken you out and screwed you in public. People would never stop talking about—“

“Oh, shut up!” Mao interrupted, still yelling. “I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

He whirled around, and stalked back to the taxi. Kyo started after him, but Kaoru grabbed his arm. “Let him go,” he said simply.

Kyo pulled his arm away, shooting daggers at Kaoru with his gaze. “Stop telling me how to manage my life!”

He went in the opposite direction from Mao’s taxi, over to where his car was parked. Toshiya pursed his lips, and shook his head. “Good call, Kaoru.”

“Well, what do you want me to do!?” Kaoru exploded. “We made these rules, and it would be bad form to bend this one for Kyo! You remember when Shinya wanted to—“

“Yes, I remember, and if you remember, I said back then that we should abolish this rule!” The bassist threw his arms up in exasperation.

“These are the sort of things that tear bands apart,” Die spoke up vehemently. “Kaoru’s right in keeping Kyo and Mao apart. They’ll both get over it, and things will commence as they always have.”

“Yeah, with Kyo completely against the whole concept of love!” Toshiya snapped at him. “He wanted something more than a one-night stand with Mao-kun, and now you’re ruining it all for him! And for what—a stupid rule that Kyo set in place when Kisaki screwed him over?” He just glared between Kaoru and Die for a moment, apparently unable to say anymore. At last he sighed, and turned to leave.

Shinya hurried after him, leaving Die and Kaoru standing alone by the curb. Die scratched his head. “Well, that was an overreaction.”

Kaoru rubbed his eyes. “I’m not so sure…”

* * * * *

It was raining. The sound was rather melodic, but in a haunting sort of way. Kyo couldn’t wrap his mind around his thoughts or feelings, and the weight that had settled in his gut was so tangible it almost hurt. He’d never felt so torn before. On the one hand, he did have respect for Kaoru for holding to the rules they’d set up. It was important for them as a band, and he loved the band. However, on the other hand…he really wanted to be with Mao.

There was a knock on the door, but he ignored it. If it was Kaoru, he really didn’t want to see him. In fact, he didn’t think he would like to see anyone—save for maybe Mao.

The door opened, though, and Toshiya came into view. Kyo was sitting by the window, pretending to ignore the bassist, however impossible that usually was. He saw Toshiya come over to him out of the corner of his eye. “Would you like some company, Kyo-kun?” He asked softly.

Kyo shook his head, continuing to stare out at the rain pattering on the sidewalk. Toshiya began petting his hair, which was something that had always been soothing for him to feel. He let out a sigh, but still said nothing. “You know, you don’t always have to do as your told,” Toshiya said, a teasing edge to his voice.

“I don’t,” Kyo said, although he understood that’s why Toshiya had sounded like he was joking. “I just always listen to Kaoru—especially when it has to do with the band.”

“Well, this decision might be terrific for the band, but is it good for you?” Toshiya asked.

“If it’s good for the band, it’s good for me,” Kyo said coldly, though he wasn’t even sure that he believed himself.

Toshiya chuckled and then kissed the top of his head before ruffling his hair and walking away. “Kyo, you’re a terrible liar. I’m surprised the fans believe you when you lie in interviews.”

Kyo finally turned his gaze from the rain so he could look at his friend. “Look, I’ll be fine, and so will Mao. We’re just going to have to get over each other.”

Toshiya shook his head. “I hope you can live with that decision,” he said quietly.

He left after that. Kyo sighed again, and resumed watching the rain.

Part 4

---

Notes: 1) Uh oh, an allusion to Kisaki! Obviously, that will be explained. Kisaki was the bassist when Dir en grey was La:Sadies.

Crossover - Multiple pairings - Abingdon School For Boys - 19/33

2007-05-07T03:49:40Z

Title: Abingdon School For Boys
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Smut/Fun?
Artists: abingdon boys school, Dir en grey, Gackt, Miyavi, Ayumi Hamasaki
Pairings: Multiple
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sexual content, language, possibly more as I go along
Summary: AU Crossover. Takanori is a spunky student at Abingdon School For Boys where he wrestles with classes, complex roommates, social endeavors, and a schoolboy crush on his eccentric headmaster.
Notes: Yay! Another chapter! 8D This is the rest of Christmas. The other students will return in chapter 20 for the New Year, and then I can finally stop listening to Christmas music while writing in this fic. ROFL
「previous parts」 | 「cast of characters」 | 「school map」

Part 19: Snowball Fights and Startling Realizations

Christmas was mostly awkward and unpleasant, much to Kyo’s dismay. He was upset at himself for ruining it, because he might have been able to spend a cozy Christmas with Takanori if he hadn’t snapped at him right after they’d opened their presents. Instead he spent more of the day loafing around the common room and the library, while Takanori avoided him like the plague.

Of course, that was the other part that annoyed him, even if it hurt, too. Takanori seemingly had no plans to fix things either because he was going to great pangs to make sure they weren’t in the same room together, unless they were having a meal.

The meals in and of themselves were torture. Kyo actually skipped breakfast because he’d stormed back up to the room and took a huffy shower while he tried not to think of Gackt making love to Takanori in forbidden rooms at Abingdon. Lunch, however…

He came waltzing into the dining hall, expecting the usual silence that had enveloped the room since everyone had left for the holidays. Other than he and Takanori there were only three other students who’d elected to stay. However, he might have expected that since it was Christmas there might have been a difference. Instead of sitting up at the staff table by himself, Gackt was sitting at a round table with Takanori and the other three boys. They were all talking and laughing gaily, and Takanori’s laughter alone could be heard from out in the hallway.

“Oh, Mr. Nishimura, won’t you join us over here?” Gackt called when he spotted Kyo make his entrance.

Kyo imagined a sleigh and eight tiny reindeer falling on Gackt, crushing him flat. “No, I’m not hungry,” he said shortly before turning and leaving the dining hall, very aware of the loud grumbling of his stomach.

Not more than an hour after lunch, he was sitting in the common room, glaring at the Christmas tree while exuberantly squeezing the stress ball his parents had sent him along with their other gifts (they’d, of course, been informed of his anxiety attack before mid-terms and figured a stress ball might come in handy). Takanori came in, all bundled up to go outside. The woolen hat on his head coupled with the matching mittens on his hands made him look utterly adorable, but Kyo pretended not to notice as he turned his glare from the Christmas tree to his chum. “Going out in this weather are you?”

Takanori nodded and offered Kyo a bit of a smug smile. “Yep. At lunch Gackt challenged all of us to a snowball fight. Terrence, Jason, Brody and I are all going against him. Want to join us?”

Nothing would have given Kyo more pleasure than to chuck a snowball right at Gackt’s perfect face, but he shook his head and said sourly, “I’d rather make out with Maude.”

Takanori made a face, and said harshly, “Fine! Have a happy Christmas, Mr. Grinch!”

Kyo watched him leave with mixed feelings before shouting out, “I’ll have a better one than you…Frosty!”

But Takanori didn’t turn around and reply. Kyo threw the stress ball at the tree, successfully knocking off the star. He then marched upstairs to grab his coat. Even if he wasn’t going to join in, he had to at least watch…

* * * * *

Takanori was very mad as he walked out into the blustering snow. How dare Kyo ruin his Christmas by being an ass all day! He sighed as he walked over to the garden where Gackt and the other three boys were already gathered. He wished Kyo had decided to join in the snowball fight so he could pelt him with snow for having a dumb attitude! “Anyway,” he mumbled to himself, “it’s not as if I’m actually going to let Gackt screw me.” His cheeks reddened at the mere thought…

“Ah, everyone’s here then, good!” Gackt announced when he came near enough. “Now, I believe we agreed that it would be everyone against me, correct?”

“Wait, Headmaster,” said Brody, “I think that other kid’s going to play.”

Takanori and Gackt both turned to look in the direction the others were looking in. Sure enough, Kyo had just come outside, though he wasn’t making an attempt to come any closer. Gackt cleared his throat and called across the snow-laden grounds to him: “Mr. Nishimura! Will you be joining us?”

Kyo said nothing, but just stood there with his arms crossed stubbornly over his chest. Takanori rolled his eyes. “I don’t think so, Headmaster,” he said stiffly.

Gackt looked over at Takanori, then back at Kyo, then back at Takanori one more time. He gave a slow nod, and then resumed talking. “Right, so it’s everyone versus me, which—“

“Wait!” Takanori burst, a grin lighting up his face. “Why can’t it be me and you versus everyone, Headmaster? That would be so much fairer.”

Of course, he really wasn’t trying to be fair, he just wanted to rub Kyo the wrong way some more. It was a horrible tactic, but he was upset.

Gackt shrugged. “Well, if that’s okay with everyone else?”

It was, and in a moment the game had started. Of course, Takanori being on Gackt’s team didn’t make anything fairer. In reality, Gackt probably would have done much better without Takanori, since he was actually pretty good at getting out of the way of flying snowballs. Takanori was having a hard time moving in the ankle-deep snow, and so he was getting pelted like there was no tomorrow. More than once he fell flat on his face when he couldn’t lift his feet enough and tripped on the thick snow.

At last he managed to crawl behind a tree that Gackt was already hiding behind, snowballs flying over his head as he practically submerged himself in snow to keep from getting hit by them. Gackt helped him up, and aided him in brushing himself off. He was pretty much soaked by this point, and he was starting to feel utterly frozen. “I-I think they’re winning,” he managed, breathless from the battle.

“Are you sure?” Gackt asked sarcastically, though he wore an amused expression.

“Just a hunch,” Takanori said with a small laugh.

Gackt set a hand on his shoulder and looked at him meaningfully with those crystalline, blue eyes. “Listen, I’m going to call out for a sudden death match. If the boys agree, then I believe we can win. I will distract them because I can dodge their attacks better, but that means you need to hit them—all three of them before they can hit me. Are you willing?”

Takanori felt anything but cold all of a sudden with Gackt’s smoldering gaze on him. His cheeks burned (which hurt because they had been so cold a second before), and he nodded. “Of course I am! Anything to win!”

You would have thought they were in a real battle with bullets and everything. Gackt seemed that serious. “Okay,” he said.

He called out for sudden death, and the boys agreed wholeheartedly, apparently believing their victory a sure thing. Gackt fixed Takanori’s lopsided hat for him, and then gave him a nod of approval. He steeled himself, and then ran out from behind the tree with an interesting sort of war cry. Takanori just watched with wide eyes for a moment as snowballs began flying toward him; he dodged them all with deft precision. “God, he’s so amazing!” He whispered to himself.

He realized Gackt needed his help, and hurriedly bent down to make three snowballs, hoping that was all he would need. He leaped out from behind the tree with a cry of his own, and threw the first ball. A direct hit! He might have cheered, had a ball not flown at him just then, striking him clean in the face. He fell over backward, his entire face burning from the icy cold of the snow. He heard the other boys cheering in triumph, but he couldn’t see much since his hat had come over his eyes when he’d fallen…

Suddenly it was pushed off of his face and he saw the headmaster kneeling over him. He could feel his cheeks turning pretty red again. “Sorry!” He managed, wondering how seriously Gackt took his snowball fights…

Gackt looked over at the dancing boys and exclaimed, “I’m sorry, but we win, gentlemen! Face shots aren’t allowed, and automatically grant us victory!”

Since one of the boys was still pretty young, he immediately started whining, but the other two accepted the defeat with little more than pronounced swearing. Gackt helped Takanori sit up. “Are you all right?” He asked kindly. “I’m afraid the nurse has gone home for Christmas, but I am certified in first aid, if you’d like me to take a look at it back in the infirmary.”

Takanori was sure he didn’t need a medic, but he smiled and nodded anyway. “Would you?” He asked sweetly.

Gackt nodded, and next helped him to his feet. “I’m going to take Mr. Nishikawa to the infirmary,” he announced to the other boys. “Feel free to do whatever you wish until dinner, boys.”

Takanori shot a glance over at the spot Kyo had been standing in, and found that he was still there. He was slightly disappointed the other boy hadn’t come rushing to him when he’d been knocked to the ground by a snowball, but it just further convinced him to lean up against Gackt as he was led back to the main building. Kyo gave him a very pointed and disgruntled glare as they passed. Gackt misunderstood the glare (or just pretended not to notice it), though, and said with a charming smile, “I’m afraid he’s been injured in our little snowball fight. Would you like to accompany us to the infirmary? I’m sure he’d appreciate your company.”

“I don’t think he’ll need it,” Kyo spat before whirling around, and heading back to the Crescent House.

“I certainly won’t!” Takanori yelled after him.

Gackt continued to lead him inside, and didn’t utter a word about the odd exchange until they were safely within the infirmary. “Are things not well between the two of you?” He asked politely after helping Takanori sit down on one of the beds.

Takanori shook his head, tearing the woolen hat off of it, and brushing snow out of the ends of his hair. “He’s nothing but a stupid git,” he said hotly, not really feeling a desire to share more.

Gackt sat beside him on the bed. “And you don’t really need medical attention, do you?”

Takanori blushed, shaking his head once more. “Well, no…not exactly.” He looked over at Gackt, noticing suddenly how close together they were. “Um…but, er—“

He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say next. Gackt offered him a coy smile. “Do you need me to kiss something better?”

It was the cheesiest pick up line if Takanori had ever heard any. Still, he nodded, giving Gackt a flirtatious smile of his own. Gackt checked behind them to be sure the door was closed, and then brought his hand up to cup Takanori’s cheek as he kissed him. His hand was surprisingly warm, considering they’d just been out having a snowball fight. Then again, maybe it just felt warm to Takanori’s wind-numbed cheeks. His eyes slipped shut immediately, and he frantically ripped off his mittens so he could unzip Gackt’s jacket; he grabbed onto the shirt beneath it, using it to pull the headmaster closer, deepening the kiss.

He felt the same thrill he had the first time they’d kissed; it was that feeling of ecstasy that comes with doing something that just isn’t allowed. Or maybe it was just a mark of how amazing of a kisser Gackt was. His mouth moved seamlessly against Takanori’s in a way that suggested he’d kissed plenty of times before in his life. When his tongue poked its way into Takanori’s mouth, he let out a little moan because it felt that good. He could hear himself making panting noises into the kiss, and was instantly embarrassed. Just then, though, Gackt stopped kissing him long enough to breathe, “I love those little sounds you’re making.”

Takanori blushed, and said nothing in reply, simply nipping playfully at Gackt’s lower lip. He felt himself being pushed against the bed next, and though his heart rate picked up dramatically, he simply let Gackt do as he wished. The headmaster’s hands were trying to undo the zipper of his jacket; Takanori realized then that it was really bothersome he was wearing it. He helped how he could, barely aware of what his own hands were doing as he was schooled in kissing by the older man.

Soon Gackt was finally able to discard the jacket, and his mouth moved swiftly to the expanses of flesh it left uncovered. Takanori tilted his head back, practically gasping from the feeling of Gackt’s lips on his neck. He pushed the neck of Takanori’s shirt down his shoulder so he could suck on the tendon it exposed. Next his hands moved down to the button of Takanori’s pants. For some reason he felt himself sitting up and backing away, although he couldn’t say anything just yet; he was feeling rather breathless and woozy from what had just transpired.

“Are you all right?” Gackt asked softly, looking very concerned all of a sudden. “I hope I didn’t come on too strongly…”

Well, of course he did, Takanori thought, but he hadn’t minded that at all. He offered a smile and said simply, “I just can’t right now. Not today.”

He wasn’t sure why he was saying that because a certain part of his anatomy had grown considerably stiff thanks to the situation he’d found himself in. He knew he wouldn’t have protested if Gackt had disregarded his words and finished undoing his pants… But for some reason, he simply didn’t let him carry on.

Gackt nodded, and stood swiftly. “Then if there’s nothing else I can do for you, I’m going to retreat to my quarters to have a nap before dinner. I’ll see you then?”

Takanori nodded, smiling again. Gackt gave him a smile as well before he left the infirmary. Takanori let out a huge sigh of…relief? Longing? He wasn’t sure. He scooped up his jacket and hat, and ran from the room.

* * * * *

When Takanori returned from the infirmary, he went straight to the shower, mumbling something about being all sweaty from the snowball fight. Kyo saw his blatant erection, though, and as soon as the bathroom door closed, he grabbed his own hat and jacket so he could slouch off to the library. He was still sitting there when Maude told him he had to go to the dining hall for some dinner. He really didn’t think he wanted to have Christmas dinner with Gackt, but he was so hungry he felt light-headed when he stood up from his chair.

He walked the short distance to the dining hall, making sure he couldn’t have looked more like Ebenezer Scrooge if he’d tried. A very pronounced frown was pulling down his lips, and the glare he sent the second year at the table made the poor kid squeak and look back down at his bread roll quickly. To his surprise, Takanori patted the seat beside him and commanded, “Sit right here, Kyo!”

He almost let the surprise show on his face, but managed to keep his expression under control. He sat in the seat offered to him, but didn’t smile at Takanori or anything. Gackt smiled enough for all of them, anyway. “I think we should say grace since it is Christmas, after all.”

As he started the prayer, Kyo reached for a bread roll and made quite a bit of noise with the butter knife—just to spite him. He didn’t seem to notice, though, and simply carried the prayer on through to the “amen.” Kyo continued buttering his roll, sulking even more, though he felt a fool for letting the headmaster get to him like he was.

“It’s a real shame you didn’t participate in the snowball fight earlier,” Gackt commented, his gaze obviously on Kyo. “It was loads of fun, wasn’t it, boys?”

The boys all nodded and voiced their agreement; Takanori was given an even longer look by Gackt, and he turned a pretty shade of pink, stuffing some potatoes into his mouth so he wouldn’t have to say anything. Kyo nearly crushed the roll in his hand as he put the two pieces back together and brought it to his mouth. “I guess you took care of him in the infirmary then?” He asked, spewing food everywhere in an ill-mannered attempt to annoy the headmaster.

Gackt shrugged and nodded, going back to his own food. “Yes, it turns out all he needed was a little band-aide.”

Takanori turned redder. Kyo poured some gravy on his chicken, and then took a big bite out of it. “I see,” he said through his mouthful. “Good thing we have you around to hand out band-aids.”

The emphatic way he said band-aids cause some chicken and gravy to fly out and land squarely on Gackt’s cheek. For a minute the headmaster looked utterly revolted, but he quickly overcame that, and gave Kyo a somewhat forced smile as he used his napkin to wipe the food off. “Well, that’s what I’m here for.”

Kyo made an elaborate show out of rolling his eyes and taking another very large bite of chicken. He opened his mouth to talk again; Gackt flinched, but he didn’t need to duck beneath the table just yet. Takanori threw his fork and spoon down on his plate with a loud clatter, and stood up, grabbing Kyo’s arm. “We’ll be right back,” he said with a polite smile.

He proceeded in yanking Kyo away from the table and out into the hallway. He took advantage of Kyo’s mouth being full, and started talking right away since Kyo wouldn’t be able to give a clear answer until he’d swallowed his food. “What is with you?” He hissed. “Pretty soon the headmaster is going to chuck you out of this school, and then what? You worked hard to get here, and you worked hard to pass your mid-terms, and no one would be happy if you got kicked out now for improper table manners!”

Kyo swallowed his food so fast it hurt. “Well, he’s the detestable asshole who’s trying to seduce his students! I know what went on in the infirmary, Takanori! I’m not an idiot!”

“I never said you were!” Takanori snapped. “But I will say that you do a lousy job of pretending you don’t care about me! Or did you forget that you said that this morning?”

For a moment Kyo didn’t know what to say. It struck him all of a sudden that he really did care about Takanori quite a bit more than he thought he did. It struck him all of a sudden that he may have developed more than just a little crush on his roommate. He turned very red, and for once decided to be truthful with Takanori, saying softly, “Of course I haven’t forgotten it. I’ve replayed our argument over and over all day long. I do that every time we fight about something. I can’t stand it.”

Takanori looked taken back by the confession. He crossed his arms over his chest and said, “Then why didn’t you apologize?”

“Because I have nothing to apologize for!” Kyo retorted, his voice gaining back its sharp edge. “I am more than allowed to be upset at you for giving in to Gackt’s stupid advances because I lo—c-care about you.” His cheeks burned and his heart raced; he’d almost said love.

For a moment he thought Takanori was going to snap something like, “Well, I demand that you apologize! Get on your knees and beg for my forgiveness, too!” But instead his features softened and he said simply, “Oh.”

There was silence, and then Kyo said, “Well, I haven’t eaten anything all day, so if you don’t mind, I’m going to finish my dinner.”

Takanori nodded, and they both reentered the dining hall and took their seats. Gackt looked worriedly between the two of them. “Is everything all right?”

Takanori nodded, but said nothing. Kyo picked up his chicken leg and Gackt leaned back warily. “We were just talking,” he said bluntly before taking a bite out of it.

He took smaller bites and kept all his food in his mouth for the rest of the meal, which Gackt seemed to be pleased with, at least. He tried to engage Takanori in the conversations that went around the table, but Takanori didn’t say much more the whole time he was sitting at the table. He was the first to finish, and he left quietly, too, but he touched Kyo’s shoulder casually as he walked by him. Kyo watched him leave, feeling a little confused. He looked back over at the headmaster and was surprised at the cold look in the other man’s eyes; had he understood the feelings behind the simple touch? Kyo didn’t know. He didn’t even know what the touch meant.

He hurriedly scarfed down the rest of his food until he was quite satiated, and then hastily excused himself as he hurried up from his chair and darted out of the dining hall. He ran back to the Crescent House, and flung open the door to their room, but Takanori wasn’t in there. “Oh great,” he muttered to himself, “where could he have gone?”

“If you’d used your eyes, you would have seen me in the common room when you went dashing through it to get up the stairs,” said a familiar voice behind him.

He turned around, and backed up to allow Takanori to enter the room. “Oh,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck foolishly.

Takanori sighed and turned around to face Kyo almost as soon as he’d walked by him. “I’m sorry. I should have talked to you sooner about our argument this morning. You’re right, you know… The headmaster only wants to-to fuck me.” He swallowed, thinking of their encounter in the infirmary.

Kyo wasn’t sure what to say. He’d thought in the past that if he convinced Takanori to believe that truth he would yell at him, “TOLD YOU SO” or “IT’S ABOUT TIME” or “CAUGHT ON, HAVE YOU!?” but now that the moment was ripe to say such things, he didn’t want to say any of them at all. He was sure he’d never seen Takanori look so dejected. “Hey,” he said softly, “I’m sure… I mean, there’s more to you than…well, you know, the headmaster isn’t stupid, and he’s sure to-to…” But he knew he wasn’t helping, so he stopped trying to.

Takanori looked up at him, a smile on his face even though tears were sparkling faintly behind his eyes. “You’re sweet…did you know that?”

Kyo shook his head, conjuring laughter from both of them. He tentatively brushed his finger tips over Takanori’s cheek. “I consider myself more honest, actually.”

Takanori took a step closer to him. “You certainly aren’t very honest with your actions most of the time, though. I mean, it’s agonizing to try and get you to initiate something. It’s almost like—“

But Kyo never found out what it was almost like because he decided to prove Takanori wrong just then by crushing their mouths together. He’d rarely been very dominative while they were kissing because he always felt somewhat shy about it, but just then he felt very much like taking charge. He walked Takanori over to whatever bed was nearest.

“I don’t want to have sex,” Takanori murmured the moment he fell back against the bedspread. “Well, I do, but you know what I mean…”

“Mm,” Kyo replied against his lips before kissing them again. “I want to make you feel good, though, Takanori. Really good.”

He slid his hands beneath the fabric of Takanori’s shirt so he could press greedy fingers against the other boy’s warm skin. “But,” Takanori started again, his back arching; his body submitting to Kyo even if he said he didn’t want to, “but I’m waiting…ah!”

He gasped and arched up again when Kyo’s thumbs brushed over his nipples. Watching Takanori’s face closely, Kyo just had the surging desire to do everything he could for the other boy. He wanted to make him feel good, and he wanted to help him do all his homework so he could pass all his classes, and he wanted to give him tight hugs when he was feeling sad… The feeling was so strong that it made him want to utter three words he couldn’t recall saying to anyone outside of his family before: I love you.

“What’s wrong?” Takanori asked, bringing him out of his thoughts.

He suddenly realized that his hands had stopped moving, and he’d just been staring at Takanori like he’d found some profound, lost creature. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. “N-nothing, I just…I mean, I was…”

He bent down and pressed a kiss to Takanori’s cheek; he didn’t know what else to do. He certainly didn’t want to tell him what he was thinking… Of all the ludicrous things! “Please, just let me, Takanori,” he murmured against the soft flesh.

Takanori said nothing, so he left more kisses there, his mouth going further so that he was leaving a trail over Takanori’s neck. He pulled Takanori’s shirt off, and then paused when he saw a very obvious love bite at the spot where his neck and shoulder met. He realized with a sickening jolt that Takanori was hardly his; in fact, the opposite was more true. Takanori was really everybody’s because he let anyone do almost anything with him just to be a good friend. It might have made him a good friend, Kyo thought, but it made him a poor lover.

He pulled away, and then stood up. “I’m too tired… I need to sleep,” he said quietly.

Takanori sat up. “But…I thought—“

“Not tonight,” Kyo said thickly.

The room was quiet as they both changed into their pajamas. Kyo turned out the lights and they crawled into his bed together. Takanori wrapped an arm around his middle and nuzzled his chest, using it as a pillow. “I hope you’re not mad at me,” he said quietly; Kyo almost hadn’t heard him.

He decided not to answer. He inhaled the scent of Takanori’s hair and sighed into it, shutting his eyes. He wanted to revel in the feeling of holding the other in his arms, but he couldn’t; horrible thoughts and feelings were gnawing at the back of his mind. Takanori had long started snoring into his chest before sleep finally claimed him.

Part 20

---

Notes: 1) Sooooo.....is Gackt going to try again? X3 ~~One day I'll stop being a great tease.~~

Dir en grey - Kaoru/Kyo - The Unexpected Mishap - 5/?

2007-05-05T22:02:41Z

Title: The Unexpected Mishap
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Action/Humor/etc
Pairings: Kaoru/Kyo, among others
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sexual content (obviously), language, violence, fluff, Gackt, sillyness beyond your wildest dreams
Summary: AU. Crossover. Mishap: an unfortunate and possibly unforeseen accident; see "hitch."
Notes: I hope you're all pleased! This is a longer chapter, and although there's some angst involved, I rather like it. ^^V
Cast of Characters || About The Series || FANATICAL A fansite! || hitch_fans

Part 5: Hair-Brained Schemes

I sat at home until something like four in the afternoon, feeling sorry for myself for what had happened with Kyo. The worst of it was that I had mixed feelings. I was upset at everyone involved—myself, Kyo, Kirito… Mostly Kirito. Only Kirito. By the time I finally decided to get off my ass and do something, I was totally convinced that Kirito was just a slimy git who should be taken out and hanged.

Aisuru was who got me of the couch; he kept yowling at me and scratching at the door. I realized Kyo hadn’t taken him on his daily walk. So I dug his little kitty leash out of the entryway closet, wondering to myself why Kyo liked such a dog-like cat.

Finally, I was all bundled up, and Aisuru’s collar was fastened to the leash. We said good-bye to Itami-chan (who didn’t even crack an eye open to look at us), and then left the apartment. He bounded down the apartment steps and to the sidewalk, and I allowed him to lead as we went on our merry way. The sun was shining, but it was still very cold. Before long I realized Aisuru was taking us in a very specific direction, though he was sometimes distracted by dogs or small children. I just let him go where he pleased until he stopped in front of a beauty salon called Rocket Dive Salon. He stopped in front of the door, looked over his shoulder at me with wide blue eyes, and announced, “NYA!”

I raised an eyebrow at the salon, and was about to start us back on our merry way again, but then I caught a glimpse of a pink-haired man inside… I gasped and looked down at Aisuru. “No way! How did you do that!?”

“NYA!” He said before heading toward the main door.

Still feeling completely awed and mildly disturbed, I walked up to the door as well, and flung it open. “Hide!” I burst.

He was just finishing up with a customer, but he looked over at me with wide eyes and a sudden grin. “Kaoru! Hi! What’re you doing here?”

I nodded down to the kitten at my feet. Or rather, the kitten prancing all over, trying to get free of the leash so he could explore the salon. “Aisuru brought me here. Since when have you been able to communicate with cats?”

Hide chuckled, and resumed blow-drying his customer’s hair. When he was finished, and had helped the young woman out of her chair, he turned back to me and said, “I don’t talk to them. But we have an innate connection because of…” He paused and looked at the lady, then grinned at me again as he said in a hushed tone: “You know.”

I shook my head, and took a seat in the waiting area, tying the end of Aisuru’s leash to the handle on the chair. He didn’t seem very happy about being restrained, but he soon busied himself by poking around in the magazine bin next to us. I watched as the woman paid Hide, and he thanked her exuberantly before she left. He took off his apron and plopped down in the chair next to me. “It’s been a busy day!” He informed, though he didn’t look too worn out. In fact, he more or less looked pleased that he’d been kept on his toes all day.

I offered him a smile. “I’m glad the salon is doing well.”

A grin lit up his face again, and he turned his head to look at me. “It is! God’s blessing it, isn’t he?”

My smile faltered, and my expression turned to bewilderment. “Hide…well, are you going to be really…religious now? Because it’s a little…weird. And, you know, it might cause problems for you and Yoshiki.”

He frowned at me. “What do you mean: weird? And anyway, I’m not being religious, I just know the true way things are now. Is that so hard to deal with?”

I shook my head. “Well, no, but a lot of people don’t believe in God—especially in Japan. It might be—“

“Oh, that’s rubbish!” He burst, sitting up, and turning his entire body to face me. “Everyone believes in God, whether they realize it or not! Every soul on this earth is searching for something to fill the emptiness in their lives, and even the ones who are atheists are searching for an unknown, God-like entity to fill that space. They just don’t want to call it God.”

I scratched my head, feeling a little awkward. “Er, right, I mean—“

“And-and how do you think it will cause problems between Yoshiki and I?” He gasped, looking alarmed all of a sudden.

I sighed, cursing myself for opening my big, fat mouth. “I don’t know! I just, I mean…well, he’s a little irritated, that’s all. It’s probably nothing.”

But Hide didn’t look like it was nothing. On the contrary, his eyes widened even more and he looked positively mortified. “Are you—are you serious? And you’re sure it has to do with the fact that I believe in God now and read my Bible?”

I wanted to start laughing and joke around about him owning a Bible, but realized this was Hide, not Hideto, and I couldn’t make jokes like that. Especially not while he was so worried about his relationship with Yoshiki because I had to be a complete dumbass and give him reason to. I moved my chair closer to him so I could grab his hand in both of mine. “Hide, you have nothing to worry about. Yoshiki loves you, so any little obstacles you guys face won’t be a hindrance in the end. Love conquers all, right?”

Hide still looked blatantly traumatized, though, and exclaimed, “But religion’s a whole other playing field! What if—“

“BZZZT!” I burst, successfully shutting him up. “Don’t get started with the ‘what if’s’ because they only lead to trouble. I’m the date doctor, and I’m telling you—“

He snorted, and pulled his hand away from both of mine. “No offense, Kaoru, but a title doesn’t mean anything to me.”

My jaw dropped. “What? But what about the countless couples who could tell you I’m the only reason they lived happily ever after?”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t think you should expect people to feel at ease about their relationships just because you can tell them smoothly why there shouldn’t be any problems, and in doing so tack your title to the end of your statement so that they’ll believe you. You’ve been wrong before, after all, and it isn’t fair of you to try to give me false hope when you blatantly told me to be careful of flaunting my religion around Yoshiki for fear of our relationship.”

I stared at him in muted surprise. I hadn’t expected him to go off on me like that, and I was already frustrated enough that when I realized he’d told me off, I snapped harshly, “Well, excuse me for trying to be helpful!” I stood up, getting thoroughly infuriated with Aisuru’s leash as I tried to untie it. “I guess I can’t do any damn thing right, and I’m sick and tired of people getting angry with me when I haven’t even done anything meriting it! First Kyo, now you—“

“NYA!” Aisuru protested when I finally got the leash untangled and started in the direction of the door.

“Oh, you want to pick a fight with me, too!?” I glowered at the kitten. “Fine then, when we get home, you’re GROUNDED.”

“Kaoru,” Hide interjected, stepping close enough to me to grab my arm.

“What!?” I almost roared, feeling dangerously unbalanced.

He glared at me, but quickly wiped the look off of his face so he could replace it with a more sympathetic one. “Well, first of all…you just grounded a cat.”

I blinked several times before coming up with a suitable response: “So?”

He shook his head. “Secondly, I’m sorry if I made you feel like you can’t do anything right. I know that isn’t true.” He offered me his cute smile, and I couldn’t stay mad.

That asshole.

I shrugged, feeling some of my anger leak out. “Well…thanks. I didn’t mean to shout, I’m just having a bad day.”

He nodded. “Which leads me to my third point… What happened with Kyo?”

Well, he didn’t need to ask me twice. We were sitting down again, and Aisuru had finally run out of energy as he slept in Hide’s lap before I finished going over the whole story. This was mostly because I had to shriek and make emphatic hand motions and whine about how life isn’t fair. Because, really, it’s not that long of a story to tell.

Anyway, I was expecting Hide to get after me again, only this time for being a terrible boyfriend. Instead he looked at me thoughtfully and said bluntly, “You take way too much shit from him.”

At first I didn’t know what he meant, but then the answer dawned on me, and I sighed, slumping in defeat. “You’re right. But that’s because I know he could kick my ass. He’s done it before, you know! You were there even! Still, maybe I can take it to my lawyer and we can get a restraining order—“

“What are you talking about?” Hide asked, looking puzzled.

I blinked. “Er, Kirito, duh. Isn’t that who you were talking about?”

He shook his head. “No, I was actually talking about Kyo.”

My mouth fell open in surprise. “You think I take too much shit from Kyo!? I certainly do not! I know when enough is enough and I—“

But Hide was shaking his head before I’d finished the word “certainly.” He sighed and pulled his feet up onto the chair, wrapping his arms around his knees and carefully situating the kitten beside him. “Kaoru, I was a firsthand witness to your relationship, remember? I could write up a long list for you of all the times you let him beat you verbally without so much as standing up for yourself. This morning is no exception to that. Kirito kissed him, and he flipped out at you for no good reason. You’re the only person involved not at fault, as far as I’m concerned.”

I stared. When he put it that way… “Well, I know that,” I defended. “I mean, obviously I’m the one not at fault bec—“

“Then why did you let Kyo make you believe you were?”

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, but no response would come out. That was a very good question! I leaned back in my chair, rubbing my chin uncertainly. It seemed that Kyo had some annoying power over me to make me feel like I was at fault when I wasn’t. Why was it that I always let him have his way? Why was it that I always took his shit—not only that, but I let myself believe he was an innocent angel in the grand scheme of things. “I don’t know,” I said at last.

Hide shook his head, looking almost piteously at me. “I’ll bet it stems from way back when you cheated on him. I’m sorry to bring that up, but I’m sure that’s what started it. You were living in guilt, and he really was the innocent party. Things have changed a lot, though, and you can’t keep letting yourself believe you’re always the guilty one and he’s always the innocent one. I mean, you’re not always innocent either, nor is he always guilty, but that’s my point. It’s neither extreme. I hope I’m making sense…”

Whether he was actually making sense or not didn’t matter. Suddenly a light had turned on in my brain. He was absolutely right. Somehow I had made myself believe that if I didn’t always let Kyo have his way and if I didn’t always bow to his every whim, he would leave me. I needed to stand up for myself more. I needed to have some control over our relationship as much as he did.

I practically jumped up from my chair, and scooped Aisuru up. He yawned and stretched, accidentally clawing my chest, but I didn’t care much at the moment. I all-but slung him over my shoulder and announced to Hide, “Well, Kyo will be back home soon, and I’m going to be waiting for him. You’re damn right, and things are going to change around our apartment!”

Hide jumped up, too. “WAIT! Before you go, can I take care of your split ends? Pretty please?”

I had every intention of saying no and just leaving, but I had to make the mistake of looking over at him. Hide has the best puppy dog eyes you’ve ever seen. I sighed and set Aisuru back down on the chair, tying the end of his leash to the armrest in case he should wake up and decide to go snooping around. “All right, all right…”

“We should do something about your hair color, too,” he said thoughtfully, eyes roving over my head.

I felt oddly self-conscious as I sat down in one of the special chairs, and allowed him to cover my clothes up. “Erm…no, I think just a trim—“

“But Kaoru, your roots are showing!” He said sharply, as though that sort of thing were a crime against humanity. “You look ridiculous! It would be awful of me to leave your hair the way it is! And you know, that color makes you look sort of silly. I doubt Kyo will be able to take you seriously if you’re running around like something that escaped from the circus!”

I gasped at his words. “You know, that’s really high of you to say, Mr. Pink Hair!”

But then he glared at me in the mirror, and I realized that I could take him seriously with pink hair. Meanwhile, I looked like a big, goofy dork sitting there in front of him. He was right, too: my roots were showing, and they made it all worse. All in all, I had a sort of frumpy look about me, and that was completely unattractive. All of a sudden I found myself retching at the sight of myself. “You’re right! I’M UGLY!” I wailed.

He petted my hair and said soothingly, “No, but you would look much better with a natural hair color…”

* * * * *

The salon was least busy in the evening, so Hide didn’t have many more visitors. By seven he was closing up shop, pondering the day’s events to himself. First there had been that impossibly adorable young man who’d come in for a trim. He had an awesome sense of fashion, too, and since no one else had been in the salon at the time, he’d actually stuck around and had some tea with Hide before leaving. Then a certain purple-haired person had come in, and that had been a revealing visit, if anything…

He heard the bell sounding, letting him know someone was entering the salon behind him. “I’m sorry, I’m closing—“ he started to say as he turned around; he spotted Yoshiki coming in, and his face broke into a grin. “Oh, hey! What are you doing here?”

Yoshiki had finally stopped wearing suits all the time, and looked rather like an average (albeit, very well-dressed) man as he came in with a bouquet of pink carnations. “I just wanted to take you home myself. I don’t approve of the subway system, you know.”

Hide felt a blush just barely dusting his cheeks. “Then what’s with the flowers?”

Yoshiki shrugged, stopping in front of Hide, and holding them out to him. “I just wanted to dote on you.”

Hide smiled and took the flowers, feeling rather like a silly girl. He allowed Yoshiki’s arms to come around his waist as the other man scooped him closer for a kiss. It was a short kiss, though, mainly because Hide broke it to ask a question that had been on his mind for much of the evening. “Are you annoyed with me?”

Yoshiki looked surprised to be asked such a thing. He kept one arm securely around Hide’s waist, but let go with the other so he could brush a strand of pink hair out of his lover’s eyes. “Of course not. Why would you think so?”

Hide shrugged. “Oh, just something Kaoru said about me and you and religion…”

Yoshiki’s ears tinged pink. “Is that so? Well, Kaoru needs to mind his own business and keep other people’s comments to himself.”

Hide looked up at Yoshiki, eyes slightly widened. “You mean, you do think it’s annoying that I read the Bible now!?”

Yoshiki sighed and pulled away from Hide. He ran a hand through his blonde locks, and turned back to look at the other man. “It’s not that I’m constantly irritated with you, it’s just that there are some days… Well, the Hide I always knew wasn’t interested in religion. I mean, he was sort of, but not like this.”

Hide wasn’t sure to say to that. He swallowed and nodded before saying dejectedly, “Then maybe I’m no longer the Hide you always knew.”

A look of great pain crossed over Yoshiki’s visage, and he again took Hide into his arms. “Don’t say that,” he said softly. “You’re everything I want and more, Hide. I wouldn’t change you for anything. The issue of religion is a simple one that I can get around, okay? Please, don’t think that I don’t love you anymore because of some stupid thing Kaoru said.”

Hide smiled and nodded. It was easy to believe Yoshiki when he was pressed so close to his chest like he was—when he could smell the flowers Yoshiki had bought for him…when he could hear Yoshiki’s heart beating for him. He knew they could have stayed like that all night and been the two happiest people in the world, but the bell rang again and he pulled away from Yoshiki with a disgruntled sigh. “I’m sorry, I’m clo—Maya-san?”

That same young man he’d had tea with earlier was standing in front of the door, looking a mixture of embarrassed and forlorn. “I-I’m sorry for walking in on you like that, Hide-san, it’s just…well, I wanted to ask you something.”

Yoshiki raised an eyebrow at the young man before looking inquisitively at Hide. Hide ignored him for the time-being and offered Maya a pleasant smile. “Of course! What is it?”

Maya sighed, looking anywhere but at Hide’s face. “It’s just…my roommate and I had some problems, and he kicked me out of the apartment. I haven’t got a place to stay…all my family’s in Sapporo… I knew I could come to you…somehow, I just believe you can help me…”

Sympathy filled Hide, and he jaunted over to Maya to pat his shoulder. “You can stay with Yoshiki and me!”

* * * * *

I had paced the innards of the apartment forty-eight times before Kyo finally came home. I know because I was counting. I was damn nervous to say what I needed to say to him, but that was part of the problem. I couldn’t let Kyo make me feel nervous or scared or stupid anymore. That part of our relationship was in the past. It was time we reached a higher ground. It was time we learned to have more respect for one another. Hide was also damn right about my title not meaning anything—I was the date doctor, and yet I hadn’t figured this crucial thing out without the help of my ex-guardian angel.

The doorknob turned and I hurriedly dashed over to the couch, flipping on the TV quickly. It was on the weather channel, but I didn’t have time to change it, so I just pretended to be deeply engrossed in it, though I was really paying close attention to Kyo behind me. “Hey,” he said, sounding like he was in a very bad mood.

Just perfect. I was so looking forward to having this conversation with him while he was Mr. Pissy.

“Hey,” I said, making sure my voice carried a certain stiffness.

He turned on a lamp somewhere behind me, and then I heard what I was expecting: “Yo-your hair!”

I finally saw him out of the corner of my right eye, so I turned to look at him, smiling as forcedly as I could. “Yep.”

He came closer, looking at me as though he’d just found a supposedly extinct animal. “You—it-it’s black! You look…you look like a totally different person!”

I shrugged and nodded. I’d had Hide trim off a few inches and re-layer it on top of dying it a rich black. We’d both cheered and giggled like little girls over the remarkable change it seemed to bring to the rest of my features. Then I’d goggled at my reflection in the mirror for about ten minutes after I got home, shocked that a little bit of hair color could make me look so different. I thought I looked more mature and less like a college-aged comic book nerd/rock star wannabe. Somehow it made me feel more confident and mature as well. “I visited Hide at his salon today, and we both decided it was time for something different,” I said nonchalantly, turning my gaze back to the television.

He walked in front of me so he could sit at my other side on the couch. His eyes were still glued to me, and I almost wanted to giggle, but reminded myself that I was trying to be more mature, so I just kept pretending to be interested in the next cold front that was supposed to be coming through in a few days.

Suddenly, though, Kyo grabbed my face and turned it so he could kiss me roughly on the mouth. My every instinct was screaming, “YES! JACKPOT! SEX ON THE COUCH!” But I didn’t even kiss back. He was obviously discouraged, and stopped abruptly, looking at me in confusion. He was cuteness and sex rolled up into one little package with that expression and the fact that he was slightly breathless. I had to look back at the TV to keep from practically attacking him in an attempt to have animalistic sex with his adorable little ass.

“What’s wrong?” He asked sharply, starting to sound distantly pissed off again.

I sighed in an irritated sort of fashion, and picked up the remote so I could turn off the TV. “If you must know… I don’t think you had a right to treat me the way you did this morning.”

He looked very obviously stunned at that, but quickly recovered so that he could snap, “And why not?”

I stood up, suddenly finding it easier to talk about this, since he was adopting that tone. It was the tone he’d been adopting since we’d gotten back together after I cheated on him. I loved the man, but I was feeling more than a little miffed all of a sudden. “Well, mostly because you treated me like shit when I didn’t even do anything wrong! You’re my boyfriend—no, you’re my life partner, in case you forgot about that, and I have every right to scream bloody murder when some other guy kisses you!”

He seemed at a loss for words. He stood up as well and said, “You nearly gave me a heart attack by screaming like that! I was still peacefully sleeping, dreaming of you, by the way, and—“

“No,” I cut him off, my voice booming more than I’d meant for it to. “I’m tired of you trying to pin things on me. I’m tired of you trying to make me feel like everything is my fault. Kirito kissed you, and you didn’t do a damn thing about it, did you? You never snapped at him to stop doing that. You never got after him at all. Is there something I should know about, Kyo? What did you guys do today?”

He looked positively flabbergasted, but that expression changed to downright alarm at my last two questions. For a moment I was sorry for implying what I had, but I had to hold firm, even though my heart was starting to pound very fast. “You think we—“ he stopped himself to gasp. “Are you accusing me of cheating on you with Kirito again?”

“If the boot fits,” I said coldly.

He gasped again. “Kaoru! I thought we trusted each other now! You know that I would never—“

“Frankly, no, I don’t,” I interrupted. “And there you go again, trying to make me feel bad because I’m calling you out on something!”

“I am not!” He countered, though he was looking about as collected as I felt. “I’m just saying—“

“Well, don’t,” I snapped. “I don’t want to hear it, Kyo. If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to check my email.”

I really didn’t want to check my email, but I figured it was a good way to end our conversation in a definitive way. I headed for the bedroom, where he kept his laptop, but he grabbed my arm to stop me. “Wait, we can’t just stop talking about this! We have—“

“Frankly,” I said loudly over his next sentence, “I’d rather not have a conversation where you’re just going to continue demeaning me for no good reason. Until you’re ready to admit that you are the one who actually screwed up, I declare this discussion over.”

WOW, had I taken manly pills without knowing it!?

For a split second I thought he was going to start crying, and I was just about to forgo my harsh manner and take him into my arms, but his countenance changed dramatically. His eyes flashed and he set his jaw firmly. “Fine. But I don’t want to be around you while you’re like this. I’m going to stay the night somewhere else.”

“I don’t care,” I said loftily, even though inside I was screaming at myself to just throw myself at his feet and beg for his forgiveness. “I’m serious, Kyo. I’m tired of you treating me the way you do. Go ahead. Go stay with flippin’ Kirito for all I care.”

I scowled at me. “Fine, that’s who I’ll stay with then!”

“Go ahead!” Okay, now I was pushing it. My tone sounded almost cheerful, which completely belied the feeling that a lead weight had been dropped into my stomach.

He brushed roughly past me to go to the bedroom, and in a few minutes had successfully packed up some clothes and overnight necessities. He slung the backpack over his shoulder before seeing to the cats. He set Aisuru up with his leash, then scooped Itami-chan into his arms. “Bye then,” he said; his tone was casual, but his eyes were pleading with me to say something that would stop him from leaving.

I couldn’t back down now, though. I reclaimed my seat on the couch, turning the TV on again. “I guess I’ll see you when you decide to stop being an arrogant asshole.”

I thought that might make him throw down Itami-chan so he could beat the shit out of me, but instead there was a silence before I heard the front door shut behind him. I felt my eyes automatically fill up with tears, but I hastily shook my head at myself. I turned off the TV and got up to go into the bedroom. “You can’t let him have his way,” I said out loud.

I knew we were both stubborn, but by this point I had to hope that our stubbornness didn’t end up driving us apart. After all, WE’D BEEN DRIVEN APART ENOUGH, DON’T YA THINK!?

Part 6

---

Notes: 1) Hehehe, Aisuru gets some air time. *squishes him*
2) So now Kaoru has hair more like this. I think he's so hot in that picture. *_*
3) I thought about adding at the end: "I glared at the author with complete loathing; why the HELL did she have to keep putting us through all this shit!?" But that would break with the flow Kaoru's narration has always had so I didn't. XD; Anyway, you all (and Kaoru) shouldn't worry, I'm not going to put them through all the angst of the previous stories, but no relationship is perfect, so they still have to deal with their bumps anyway. XP

X Japan - Forgotten - 1/1

2007-05-02T16:16:28Z

Title: Forgotten
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Angst
Band: X Japan
Pairings: None really, though Yoshiki/hide could be perceived
Rating: PG-13 for angst and implied suicide
Warnings: Mature themes, implied suicide; I know there's a raging debate: accident or suicide? In this, it's suicide. Don't flame me.
Summary: Nine years ago...is it possible to forget?
Notes: This is really different. It's only about a page and a half on Word, so it's not that long either. Basically, it's a lot of dialogue as Yoshiki considers things on...well, today. hide, though not physically present, responds to things Yoshiki says although Yoshiki can't hear him. Yoshiki is the regular print and hide is italicized. I've also capitalized hide's name because I have to be grammatically correct. Don't flame me for that either. ~_~

Forgotten

I sometimes miss you, but not often. I’ve grown and changed, and part of that meant realizing life goes on without you. I don’t need you to survive. I can live a hide-less life and be happy.

Then why aren’t you happy? I’ve seen you, Yoshiki… I’ve seen you sulking like the antisocial man you never used to be when you’re at parties. I’ve watched you cry yourself to sleep at night. I’ve noticed you turn down pretty women and instead spend an evening watching movies like The Notebook while completely alone.

It’s not that I don’t miss you…it’s that I’m trying not to. It does seem impossible. After all, you were one of my best friends for a decade. Perhaps things will even it out…next year you will have been away for a decade. Then maybe I can finally forget you.

You can never forget me, Yoshiki.

I don’t want to leave my house today. One reason I came to LA to live is because it’s a lovely escape from the memories that haunt me back…home. Even so, why do I still remember you here? A week ago today I was feeling fine. I was smiling at passersby, I was singing along with the Beach Boys on the American radio… But now I’d rather lie in bed and spend the day having crying spells. It doesn’t help that the damn sun is gone. Just like you.

The sun isn’t gone. It’s just away for awhile, behind the clouds. It will come out again some day. You won’t miss it forever. Just like me.

I’m sitting at my dining room table with a bowl of cereal that I haven’t touched. I’m poking it with my spoon…it’s gone soggy. I don’t really have an appetite, though. Thinking about this day nine years ago…suddenly it doesn’t feel like it’s been that long. Suddenly it feels like only yesterday I received a phone call…bad news that made me sob before I even hung up. I couldn’t finish the conversation, and I just dropped the phone.

You don’t know what you did to us, Hide. Not just to me, but to your other friends. Your family. I still call your mother on days like these. She promises she’s okay, but she never sounds okay. Some days, Hide…I hate you for leaving.

I’m sorry. I can’t offer any words that will make you change your mind. I never thought my actions through. I never considered the consequences they would have on the people I cared about most. Believe me, Yoshiki, if I could do it over…

Now I’m getting up, putting the uneaten cereal in the sink. The maid will take care of it tomorrow. She has today off because I don’t like her around me on days like today. I don’t like anyone around me on days like today. Still…maybe I’ll go out and get toasted. I could have a girl over, and we could have sex. I know of plenty who would like to be with me…

But I don’t. I let the whole day pass me by until it’s evening. I’m still sitting at home, though my position has changed several times since the morning. My eyes are red and puffy, and my head feels as though someone shoved a railroad spike through it. I can’t seem to find something to distract me. I keep thinking of you and I call out to you through the darkness of my house. I only wish you could hear me. I only wish I could go back in time to save you from the mistake you made… I always did try to shelter you, you know.

I know. You were there for me when other people weren’t. You put up with me when I was drunk and cruel. You were a shoulder I’d often cry on. Now I’ve caused you more tears than anyone, and I can’t be there for you to cry on my shoulder. I can hear you, Yoshiki, and I’m crying, too. I’m so, so sorry.

I still haven’t forgiven you. This is something I think to myself often. You left me. You just left, as if you didn’t care for me at all. It hurts, Hide. It hurts to think why and how… It hurts to think that you didn’t care when you just left. I can’t forgive you. I won’t. I refuse to. Then…I remember how much I still love you. And I recall that maybe I have forgiven you, though I’d like to pretend I haven’t. I don’t know if you deserve it.

I don’t, but I beg and plead that you forgive me anyway…

I lied when I said I only sometimes miss you. I miss you almost all the time. I think of you almost every day. I haven’t moved on with my life, I’ve only started one without you. I couldn’t keep my same life because I can’t live a hide-less life and be happy. So I had to start over as a new Yoshiki Hayashi. Though I admit…there isn’t as much color or laughter in this Yoshiki’s life.

Sometimes my memories overwhelm me. This is often while I’m playing the piano and I strike a chord I commonly played during songs like Tears. Or it’s often while I’m driving to a destination and for some unknown reason, I randomly think of something…like that time we were having breakfast at the studio and you swapped Toshi’s orange juice for beer. He spit it out all over us and for a moment we all thought he was going to kill you… But of course he just chased you around the studio while the rest of us laughed. You made us all laugh quite often…you had the power to light up a room just by walking into it.

And you still make me blush with your stupid compliments. I’m not as great as you always like to say I am. You’re an amazing composer and a caring man…and you know how to persevere better than anyone I’ve ever met. Please don’t stop living for yourself, Yoshiki. You’re worth it, you know. You must remember that I always thought the world of you…and still do.

Now that it’s dark out…I have an overwhelming feeling to go to bed. The rain sounds like a lullaby as it patters on the roof and windowpanes. I know what lies in store for me tonight. Nothing can be as bad as this night nine years ago when I spent the entirety of it weeping and moaning that this life isn’t worth it, that I’d lost too many people, that I couldn’t go on… I had no sleep that night.

Tonight I’ll sleep, but not until I’ve cried desolate tears into my pillow again. If you remember, I realized a long time ago that I was destined to live life with love, with dreams, and forever with…tears. I’ll be okay when the sun comes out again tomorrow morning.

Because I’ll forget you when I wake up tomorrow morning.

No, you won’t.

But I’ll try.

    ~I cannot say, and will not say
    That he is dead. He is just away.
    With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand,
    He has wandered into an unknown land
    And left us dreaming how very fair
    It needs must be, since he lingers there.
    And you—oh you, who the wildest yearn
    For an old-time step, and the glad return,
    Think of him faring on, as dear
    In the love of There as the love of Here.
    Think of him still the same. I say,
    He is not dead—he is just away.~

OWARI

---

Notes: 1) I know, it ends on the most painful, most agonizing note in the history of my fanfiction... But I felt that it went better that way. Don't YOU go trying to forget hide, though. He lives on if we remember him. ♥
2) For those unaware (though I'm sure most of you are), Yoshiki lost his father to suicide when he was ten. So hide wasn't the first person he loved he had to lose in such a horrible way.
3) If you remember, I realized a long time ago that I was destined to live life with love, with dreams, and forever with…tears. That's a reference to the little poem Yoshiki recites at the end of "Tears," which he did write in memory of his father, but later dedicated to hide. Unless I was misinformed.
4) The poem at the end is by James Whitcomb Riley, and I wanted to put it there to offer a little bit of hope after the depressing way I chose to close the dialogue.

Dir en grey/Sadie - Kyo/Mao - Flowers of Pursued Love - 2/11

2007-05-01T21:58:51Z

Title: Flowers of Pursued Love
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Angst/Romance/Smut
Artists: Dir en grey, サディ (Sadie)
Pairings: Kyo x Mao, Toshiya x Kei, ? x Kei
Rating: NC-17 (eventually)
Summary: Crossover. Oh yes, this is a sequel to my two parter: The Two Sides of Fame. Mao's band mates try to hook he and Kyo back up, while Kyo's band mates try to keep them apart.
Notes: Yay! Part 2! Sorry it took so long. I'd say more, but I'm rushing off to work right now so...yeah. ~~This hasn't been proofread, but I'll get to it when I get home from work in a few hours.~~ It's been proofread and all's well. ^^v

Part 2

When the men in suits left the conference room, Dir en grey immediately huddled together. “So were they just fanboys?” Toshiya asked.

Kaoru shook his head and sent a furtive glance at Kyo. “Er, no…not really… They’re in a band. Their vocalist is the one who Kyo…” But he didn’t finish his sentence.

Shinya’s cheeks reddened a little when he understood what Kaoru had planned to say. Kyo’s didn’t, though, and he looked more shocked than embarrassed when he gasped, “Mao!?”

“They said that was his name,” Kaoru said with a sigh.

“Maybe he’s here, too,” Kyo said, instantly making for the door.

Kaoru grabbed him by the crook of the elbow and pulled him back in. “If he is, you don’t need to talk to him,” he said sternly.

Kyo yanked his arm away, but did not head for the door again. Toshiya turned back to Kaoru. “What did you say to them?”

Kaoru shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. “I told them to wait for us in the other conference room.”

Die raised an eyebrow. “But what if they try to con Kyo into getting back together with their vocalist?”

Kaoru sighed. “Well, I couldn’t just tell them to leave. They’re obviously bent on talking to him or they wouldn’t have found a way to get back here. The last thing we need are the Indie bands who look up to us thinking we’re a bunch of self-righteous jerks.”

“Aren’t some of us, though?” Kyo snapped, glaring pointedly at Kaoru.

Kaoru uncrossed his arms so he could put his hands on his hips. “Excuse me? Kyo, I never told you to split up with Mao for my sake. You’re the one who instigated that rule ages ago, and—“

“And now I want to revoke it!” Kyo interrupted. “He’s probably hurting and that’s why his band mates are here!”

Die snorted, covering his mouth to hold back more laughter. “I’ll bet he is hurting.”

Shinya smacked his arm. “Stop it, Die,” he growled. “There’s more to gay sex than you think. People in those kind of relationships can be in love and make love gently, too. Get your head out of your ass.”

Die looked at him incredulously. “Shinya, guys don’t want to have gentle sex. They want to—“

“We don’t need to hear this, Die,” Kaoru spoke up loudly. “Anyway, we’re way off topic now.”

“Well, he needs to stop looking down his nose at gay people!” Shinya said, crossing his arms and sending a glare at Die.

“I just don’t get them, that’s all,” Die said with a shrug.

Toshiya rolled his eyes. “Oh, whatever, Die. We all know you had a crush on Shinya for years.”

Die turned almost as red as his hair always used to be and countered maturely, “Did not!”

“THAT’S ENOUGH,” Kaoru boomed, commanding everyone’s attention. “This is ridiculous. We’re not a bunch of children, and we’re going to go into the conference room to talk to that band like the adults that we are. Come on.”

So the others followed him as he made his way to the conference room. He opened the door and they slipped inside; the three men inside were hunched over the coffee pot where they were making quite a fuss. “No, no, Tsurugi, you’re doing it all wrong!” The smallest one exclaimed, whacking the one called Tsurugi in the back of the head.

“You don’t need to hit him, Kei,” said another.

“Well, now there’s coffee everywhere and Dir en grey are going to think we’re a bunch of stupid kids who can’t even use the coffee maker right!” Kei moaned.

“Well, even a rocket scientist could do this wrong,” Tsurugi said, sounding annoyed, “seeing as how there’s about twenty hundred different buttons.”

“Yeah, but—what the hell is it doing now!?” Kei gasped.

The machine had started making a whirring noise. Kaoru shook his head and chose to speak up then. “It’s making the coffee,” he quipped.

The three whirled around quickly, and the one called Tsurugi automatically burst into a large grin again. “Hi, Kaoru-san!! Good to see you again!”

Kaoru could just hear Kyo next to him groaning; Kyo couldn’t stand fangirl/boyism. He offered a smile, though, and said, “Good to see you again, too…”

“Tsurugi desu,” Tsurugi said with a bow.

Kei’s turn. “Kei desu!”

Last was the one they didn’t know the name of. “Aki desu.”

Kaoru nodded. “Nice to meet you all.” Dir en grey all bowed as well. “I’m—“

“We know who you guys are, dummy!” Tsurugi guffawed.

Kei let out a huge gasp and whacked Tsurugi in the back of the head again. “You can’t call him a dummy!” He hissed.

“It was a joke! A comradely joke!” Tsurugi defended.

Kei snorted. “You and Kaoru are only comrades in your dreams!”

“Well, he—“

“That’s enough!” Aki snapped, looking less than amused with his band mates. He turned to look at Dir en grey and forced out a smile. “I’m sorry, we didn’t come here to gawk at you guys, I promise. We are big admirers of your work, though, and it’s our dream to became as amazing musicians as you guys are. We’re in a band called Sadie, and you’re our biggest inspiration.”

“Thanks!” Toshiya exclaimed, showing them a wonky grin.

“So why did you come then?” Kyo asked, though everyone got the impression that it was meant as an order rather than a question.

“Let’s all sit down first,” Kaoru said.

So they all took seats around the table. Aki let out a deep breath, his long fringe of bangs flying out as he did so. “Okay, Kyo-san, this is why we’ve come to see you. We want to know…did you and Mao-kun really…”

Shinya blushed again at the implications of the unfinished sentence. Kyo didn’t seem even remotely embarrassed as he said bluntly, “We went on a date and even had sex. Three times. If that’s what you’re asking.”

An awkward pause followed that, and then Aki said, “Okay. That’s what…we were…curious about. So, the next thing I have to say is sort of…well, I think it’s more of a request than anything else…”

Kyo nodded. “Okay, let’s hear it.”

There was another pause. The members of Sadie all exchanged glances. Kei turned to Kyo and said squarely, “We want you to get back together with Mao. He loves you.”

“Well, he thinks he does,” Tsurugi put in quickly.

Kei sent him a look, but Kyo spoke up before anyone else could. “Love?”

Aki nodded. “That’s what he said.”

Yet another hush fell on the room. Toshiya broke this one by looking at Kyo and saying, “Awww, how sweet, Kyo!”

Kyo was looking intently at the table, though. “How…how is he?”

“Sad,” Kei said simply.

“He’s definitely very fond of you, Kyo-san,” Aki said carefully. “I’ve never seen him so…depressed.”

Kyo sighed and stood up. “Is he in the waiting area?”

“He didn’t come,” Aki said. “He doesn’t even know we’re here.”

“Anyway, you don’t need to see him,” Kaoru said to Kyo. “We made a decision—“

“I know that, Kaoru. Now quit acting like my father,” Kyo growled.

Kaoru turned to Sadie. “Look, something important to us when we started our band was that we agree on certain rules. One rule is that we don’t date people in other bands or who have big names or connections. It’s a recipe for disaster, you see… We’ve had to remember this rule in the past, and we can’t bend it now for Kyo. I’m sorry.”

He truly was, and he hoped he looked it, too. Kei gave him a glare, though, and said, “You’re an ass.”

Tsurugi’s eyes widened in obvious shock, but he didn’t say anything. Aki gave Kei a warning glance, and said, “Kei!”

“No, he’s right,” Kyo assured Aki before leaving the room.

Kaoru sighed and buried his face in his hands. Aki stood up. “We’ll just go now. Thank you for your time.” The three of them bowed and then left.

Kaoru lifted his head and looked at his band mates. “Am I doing the right thing by enforcing this rule?”

“Of course you are,” Die said, looking surprised that he was asking such a thing. “We always try to keep the rules! It’s what’s helped us get so far.”

“I don’t know if that’s necessarily what’s gotten us where we are,” Shinya said uncertainly.

“I think I’m more on Kei’s side,” Toshiya said coldly before also storming out.

Kaoru face-planted the table and muttered something to himself, wondering when it had become so hard to manage the band.

* * * * *

Mizuki was more than happy when the others finally came back into the waiting room. He ripped himself from the receptionist’s arms, waved erratically for his farewell, and ran out the doors. “Tell her to call me!” The young man yelled breathlessly as the other three hurried past the desk.

When they were back out in the sunlight, Mizuki whirled on the others and exclaimed, “So what happened? Is Kyo-san going to take Mao back? Please tell me I didn’t make out with that guy for fifteen minutes for no reason…”

The other three explained what had transpired, but had barely finished telling him when the studio door opened, and Toshiya came out. Mizuki gasped and all four of them bowed low. Toshiya smiled. “You don’t have to bow every time you see us, guys. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you not to listen to Kaoru.” He looked straight at Kei. “You’re right, he’s being an ass. Who has the right to stand in the way of love? Not even Kaoru!” He chortled.

Kei smiled at him. Tsurugi spoke up. “Yeah, but what can we do about it?”

“Nothing,” Aki interjected when Toshiya opened his mouth to reply. “Mao needs to get over Kyo-san. That’s all there is to it. We’re going to go visit him right now, and that’s exactly what we’re going to tell him.”

Toshiya sighed. “Are you sure you want to do that, Aki-kun?”

Aki blushed at being addressed in such a casual way by Toshiya. He nodded resolutely, though, and said, “Positive. Thanks for your concern, Toshiya-san, but it’s not like we even have time for relationships anyway.”

Toshiya gave a nod, though he really didn’t look like he agreed. “Okay. Listen, I want to give you guys my number in case you change your mind. I’m sure I can be helpful if you decide that Mao needs to be with Kyo.”

He fished around in his pocket for a pen, and then took Kei’s hand and scribbled a phone number on his palm. He winked at him before turning around and disappearing back inside the building. Kei was bright red, and he cradled his hand for a minute before saying breathlessly to Aki, “Are you sure we don’t need his help?”

Aki rolled his eyes and turned away from the building, but said nothing. Tsurugi made a face. “Where’s your honor, Kei? Just because Toshiya-san is attractive…” He muttered.

Mizuki admired the phone number on Kei’s hand and let out a wistful sigh. “How lame. You get Toshiya’s phone number and I had to kiss some dude who thought I was a pretty girl.”

“Hey, he wasn’t completely unattractive!” Kei countered, though he was smiling at Mizuki’s remark.

Mizuki shrugged. “Maybe not, but still! His breath was awful!”

And on it went. When they reached Mao’s house they were surprised to find him climbing into a taxi. Judging by all the luggage…he was planning to be gone for a long time. He paused and told the driver to hang on a minute, then shut the door and approached his band mates. “Hey, guys,” he said, averting his gaze.

The other four looked at each other; foreboding could be felt in the very air. “Hey,” Tsurugi finally said, apparently not knowing what else to say.

Mao handed an envelope to Aki. “I was going to have this sent to you, but since you’re all here I might as well tell you to your faces. I-I’m going back to Kyoto where my family is. I’m…quitting the band.”

Part 3

---

Notes: 1) N/A

Dir en grey/TM Revolution - Kyo/Takanori - Opposition - 1/1

2007-04-30T19:20:05Z

Title: Opposition
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Theme: III.2 See why they cry
Genre: Mild angst/Smut
Bands: Dir en grey, T.M.Revolution
Pairings: Kyo x Takanori
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Angst, language, sex, crack pairing...
Summary: Kaoru watches as Kyo and Takanori's relationship crumbles due to various pressures.
Notes: Another one! 8D It took a month, but here it is. That leaves four more! ^^V This one is meant to take place some time after the first one, and it's a little more on the angst side.

Opposition

Takanori sighed and hung up his phone, tossing it onto the passenger seat in mild frustration. Not for the first time since he and Kyo had started dating steadily had the rock star failed to answer his phone. It probably wouldn’t be the last either, Takanori reckoned. He pursed his lips and concentrated on driving, trying not to think of all the problems that had arisen when they’d turned their one night stand into a real relationship.

When he arrived at Kyo’s little apartment he felt a strange sting of foreboding. Why wasn’t Kyo answering his phone, anyway? Maybe he was cheating! Maybe he had a girl over! Takanori sometimes remembered like a slap to the face that Kyo didn’t even find guys appealing. Maybe the lure of his original tastes had become too strong.

Takanori rubbed his eyes and stepped out of the car. These were the thoughts that were going to do him in, he just knew it. He didn’t want to except that he could be dooming his and Kyo’s relationship from his lack of faith in the other man. Thus far, Kyo had done nothing to prove himself a cheat, and Takanori knew it was wrong to jump to conclusions. He nodded resolutely and made his way up the steps until he was knocking on the other man’s door.

He knocked again.

He knocked a third time.

Finally he just knocked continually, feeling a great surge of anger; he’d already called the studio, and the manager had said they’d left for the day. After ringing up Kyo the first time and getting no answer he’d called Kaoru, who had said that Kyo went home. Now Kyo wasn’t answering the door as well as the phone? Takanori was just considering breaking a window just to spite him when the door finally opened, and Kyo stood there, looking really worn out and just a bit annoyed. “What the hell are you doing?” He greeted.

“I should ask you the same thing!” Takanori snapped, marching past him and into the apartment.

“Please, come in,” Kyo said sarcastically, slamming the door shut.

Takanori whirled on him. “Well? What were you doing? I called you, like, three times! Then I had to stand here knock—“

“You only called twice,” Kyo interrupted, sitting down at the kitchen table, and lighting up a cigarette. “I know because both times the phone woke me up.”

Takanori’s eyes rounded, and he hurried over to the table to join his lover. “What? You knew I was calling and you didn’t answer? But—“

Kyo sighed and set the lighter down more harshly than he probably meant to. “Yeah, and apparently you couldn’t take the hint. I’ve had a really bad day, and I don’t like to be around people when I have really bad days. Especially ones I know are going to nag my ears off.”

Takanori gasped and slammed a palm against the table. “I do not nag!”

“You started nagging me the moment you walked in the door!” Kyo retorted. “’What were you doing? I called you three times! I had to stand here knocking on your door! You knew I was calling and didn’t answer? Kyo, you’re so insensitive!’”

“I didn’t say that,” Takanori countered hotly. “And stop talking about me like that.”

“Well, it’s true,” Kyo said simply, shoving his cigarette between his lips.

Takanori glared at him. “Look, you haven’t been returning my calls for the last three days—“

“Three very bad days,” Kyo interrupted again. “This is just something about me you have to accept, Taka. When I—“

“Don’t call me Taka.”

Kyo snorted. “Why? Are you reconsidering this relationship?”

“Maybe so!” Takanori burst, standing up and making for the door. “Lately we’ve been arguing more and more, and you’re not returning my calls, and we’re both too busy to spend time together… For godssakes, Kyo, we haven’t even had sex in a week! Maybe our careers are just too demanding for us to be together.”

He stopped with his hand on the doorknob, and looked back at Kyo. The rock star was staring at a spot on the table, refusing to meet Takanori’s gaze. Takanori instantly wanted to run over there and hug him; with his tousled hair and sad expression, he might have looked like a little kid, were it not for his bare and very manly chest. He continued to stare at that one spot on the table, ignoring his cigarette as it exuded a slim coil of smoke. Takanori swallowed. “Well, do you have anything to say?”

Finally Kyo shook his head, and brought the cigarette back to his mouth. “No,” he murmured. “Because everything you said is true.”

Takanori wanted him to say more. He wanted him to tack something like “however, even so, we can overcome our difficulties and stay together!” But no such words left Kyo’s mouth. He resumed staring at the table while he puffed on his cigarette. Takanori blinked back angry tears and flung open the door, marching out of the apartment.

* * * * *

Practice was not going well. Neither had the meeting with “the suits” before it. Die had a hangover. Toshiya and Shinya had been in good moods, but after spending an hour with Kyo, everyone’s mood had turned sour because he came in with such a bad attitude. In fact, he hadn’t smiled once all day. He’d snapped at anyone who so much as looked at him for more than two seconds. He was going through cigarettes at an alarming rate. He’d never sang with so much passion and conviction, though. Still, he was throwing a wrench into the songs they’d done a million times by improvising in a way Kaoru had never seen before.

“Stop,” he announced for what felt like the millionth time.

Shinya was the first to stop playing, and crossed his arms while looking completely peeved. Toshiya and Die stopped next, and both sent him similarly aggravated looks. Kyo actually threw down his microphone and screeched, “What now!? For fuck’s sake, Kaoru, if you want the perfect band you’ll have to look somewhere else!”

“What is your problem,” Kaoru growled; it wasn’t a question. “You have been nothing but an asshole to us all day, and it’s really getting tiring, Kyo. I know you can have bad days, but we all can. Die has a hangover, but you don’t see him swearing everyone out at the littlest things now, do you? If you can’t stop acting like a five-year-old we’re going to have to stop practicing because, last I checked, Dir en grey doesn’t have a five-year-old on vocals.”

If looks could kill, Kaoru would have dropped dead on the spot from the nasty glare Kyo gave him. “Well, it’s all of your dumb faults that I’m in such a bad mood anyway, so—“

“Stop that!” Kaoru burst. “Don’t blame us for your problems! We—“

“But it is your fault!” Kyo burst, looking a sudden and strange mixture between angry and depressed. “If you guys hadn’t hooked me up with Takanori I wouldn’t be feeling this way!”

“Is it not working out?” Toshiya asked meekly. “I mean, because the last I saw, you guys were practically married…”

Shinya smiled and nodded in agreement. Kyo sent them both sour looks. “Well, things have been hectic lately.”

That was all he said. Kaoru was about to ask him to elaborate when the practice door opened and Kyo’s said lover walked in. He looked very good in a pair of low-cut jeans and a form-fitting shirt. Kyo seemed to notice, but looked away, his face turning an interesting color. Takanori walked up to him. “Kyo,” he said softly, “can we talk about our relationship for a minute?”

“Why?” Kyo spat. “You as good as broke it off yesterday.”

Takanori scowled at him. “Well, that’s why we need to talk about it!”

“Maybe I don’t want to. Maybe it’s best we just end it now before we get hurt anymore than we already are,” Kyo said decisively.

Takanori balled up his fists. The other four in the room felt awkward watching, but none of them made a move for the door. Kaoru pursed his lips and crossed his arms over his chest, taking in everything from the harsh glares they were giving each other to the way their body language screamed that they wanted the other touching them. Although Kyo was glaring, it wasn’t a glare he usually had on; his eyes were searching, craving, begging Takanori not to give up on him, even though he was blatantly saying they couldn’t be together. Takanori’s eyes were saying something similar, and his stance was quietly pleading with Kyo to just take him into his arms and whisper that everything would be okay. Kaoru felt a sigh shiver his body, and he glanced at his other band mates, who were probably wondering what he was: Was it really a good idea for them to play matchmaker like they had?

“Kyo, I don’t think things should end this way! You said yourself that you’ve just had some bad days. Maybe I just need to learn how to deal with you when you’re having bad days!” Takanori reasoned. “Please…let’s work it out!”

Kyo swallowed, and Kaoru saw the onslaught of tears he was trying to hold back before he brushed roughly past Takanori and left the room. Takanori made a growling sound and kicked the microphone that had earlier been thrown angrily to the floor. He rounded on Kaoru. “Why does he have to be like this!? Doesn’t he like me? I thought he did! He said he did! How could things have gone so wrong so suddenly!?”

“He does like you,” Die spoke up, much to everyone else’s surprise. “He does the same thing when you’re becoming his friend. First he seems kind of shy and standoffish. Then he opens up and you think you’re going to be pals. Then he suddenly withdraws himself, and starts sending out mixed feelings. He likes you, but he won’t tell you. He wants to spend time with you, but he won’t ask you to or return your calls. He wants you to give him a hug, but he’ll flinch if you reach for him. That’s the stage you’re at.”

A silence followed that statement before Kaoru said, “He’s right, you know.”

“But why!?” Takanori blurted, looking shocked. “That’s just silly! If he wants me to hug him, he should hug me. That’s logic!”

Kaoru shrugged. “You’re right, that is logic. Unfortunately, Kyo is the eighth wonder of the universe, so he’s a little more complicated than logic. Part of it probably has to do with his character, but I really think that most of it comes from being screwed over by too many ‘friends’ and ‘lovers’ too many times. Die’s right: that’s the stage you’re at, and you just have to press past it, that’s all.”

“Yeah,” Toshiya piped. “I hope you guys aren’t going to give up because of a little opposition. Sure, it’s hard to have a relationship in the music biz. Yeah, Kyo can be a little terd. But you guys seemed happy enough before this bump. And I’m sure he’d be devastated if you really did call it all off.”

“Exactly,” Shinya threw in his own two-sense.

There was another pause, and then Takanori sighed and said, “Well, what comes next if we can get past the ‘him being a terd’ stage?”

Kaoru smiled warmly. “Then you’ll have found one of your best friends. When you finally get Kyo to warm up to you decently enough, you’ll find that he’s one of the kindest and most amazing people you’ve ever met. He cares deeply for those he can call friends, and I’m sure his feelings would be even stronger for a lover. If you can get past this stage, you’ll be in for a treat.” He chuckled.

Takanori looked around at them all one more time before hurrying back out the studio doors. Die took off his guitar and set it down. “A thousand yen says Kyo went home and practice is cancelled.”

But no one would take his bet. Kaoru took off his guitar as well. “I’m sure he did go home. I hope Takanori knows what to say to him to get him out of his mood.”

* * * * *

Kyo had cried, as much as it pained him to admit that—even to himself. He was sitting at the table with another cigarette, hoping he hadn’t just ruined one of the best things to ever happen to him. Still, he thought with a grimace, Takanori deserves much better than me.

He sighed and snubbed the cigarette in an ashtray, feeling an overwhelming urge to just go to sleep. Things always looked better after a lot of sleep… He got up and started to head down the hall to his room; however, there was a knock at the door then, stopping him in his tracks. He thought hopefully that it could be Takanori, but quickly shut that thought out; he would be surprised if he ever saw Takanori again after the way he treated him.

He walked the short distance to the door, expecting Kaoru or Toshiya. When he opened it he was undoubtedly surprised to see Takanori standing there. “Taka—“ he started.

Takanori thrust a finger over his lips and shook his head. “I know what you want, whether you’ll tell me or not. I’m not going to let you try to pretend you don’t want to see me. And I don’t want to talk,” he said quietly.

He walked inside, shutting the door behind him. A few seconds later Kyo had been pushed backward onto the couch; Takanori stripped down completely before settling himself on top of him. Kyo really wasn’t sure what to think or do…he probably wasn’t thinking at all. He just knew Takanori didn’t want to talk, so he wasn’t saying anything.

First Takanori bent over him to engage him in a fiery kiss. Every time Takanori’s lips touched his own it was like a chemical reaction was going off inside his brain. His eyelids fluttered shut, and he brought his hands down the other man’s smooth sides to cup his ass. Takanori’s hands clawed up his chest, running almost painfully through his hair before sliding back down and tugging at his belt buckle. In a mere moment he had undone it, and pulled out Kyo’s member. He instantly started pumping it, his kisses growing more greedy as he did so.

Kyo continued massaging Takanori’s ass, already growing aroused from the tortures the other man was inflicting on him. He wanted more, but he wanted to stop and talk… He didn’t want to talk at all, he just wanted to have hard, rough sex… No, he really did want to talk, he just wanted to have sex first…

Takanori was very skilled with his hand; Kyo arched up to his touch, at the same timing pulling Takanori closer to him. Takanori hummed against his lips, and then lifted his head as he stopped jerking Kyo off. His hands slid up to grab his biceps, and he started thrusting his hips against Kyo’s clothed body. It was beautiful to see, and Kyo found his breath was stolen away as he watched. Takanori’s body was so lithe, glowing a pale color beneath the dim lighting of the thin curtains that covered Kyo’s windows. Every time he rotated his hips against Kyo, crashing their arousals together, Kyo had to arch his back to meet with Takanori. Takanori gasped and threw his head back, his eyes shut in bliss, his mouth parted in a silent moan.

Kyo’s hands finally left Takanori’s ass to grab his face and bring him down for a hungry kiss; he couldn’t help himself. He’d never seen Takanori look so sexy. He kissed passionately, uncaring if he accidentally bit something, or caused them both to become dizzy from a lack of oxygen. Takanori kissed back just as ferociously, but soon pried himself away from Kyo’s grip. He gave him a single smoldering glance before scooting up his body, and grabbing his by now fully erect cock.

“Takanori—“ Kyo started; he could see what was happening, and knew that it was going to hurt his lover.

Takanori gave him a warning glare, which told him to shut up. Kyo didn’t say anymore, but watched as Takanori impaled himself. He let out a harsh breath, and instantly buried his face in Kyo’s neck. Kyo’s eyes closed again, and he grabbed Takanori’s waist as he started thrusting his hips upward; he couldn’t hold still, Takanori was too tight around his begging length.

It only took Takanori a moment to adjust, either because he was so used to being penetrated or because Kyo was arousing him more by thrusting up into him. He lifted his head, and held tightly to Kyo’s biceps once more as he started moving his body against Kyo. Kyo was still lifting his hips, but he found that Takanori was really doing more of the work. He wiggled and thrashed, gasped and moaned… Kyo let out a low groan and slid his hands down to grip Takanori’s milky thighs. He wanted to tell him to go faster, but he couldn’t find his voice, and he remembered that Takanori didn’t want him to speak anyway.

Takanori was making more than enough noise for the both of them, gasping out Kyo’s name almost every time his prostate was touched. At last it was too much for him. “Oh Kyo,” he moaned once more before he released, spilling his seed all over Kyo’s shirt. Kyo choked out Takanori’s name as he came a second later. When they had regained their breath, Takanori lifted his head from the crook of Kyo’s neck and gave him a lazy kiss on the cheek. “We’re going to make it,” he murmured against the sweaty skin before he kissed it once more.

Kyo chuckled and brought his arms tightly around Takanori in a long-desired hug. “Sex doesn’t solve everything.”

“No,” Takanori sighed, lifting himself up so he could give Kyo a reassuring smile. “But it’s a start. We have to work together to make this last. I don’t want to cry over you anymore.”

Kyo sat up, helping Takanori up before he stood as well. “Hey, I’ve been crying over you, too, you know.”

Takanori kissed his cheek again. “I know, I can see that your eyes are red.” He sighed and nuzzled his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Let’s go to bed,” Kyo announced abruptly. “I’m sleepy. We can talk about it in the morning, okay? I’ll call Kaoru and tell him I’m not going to be at practice.”

Takanori grinned and allowed Kyo to lead him—an arm tightly wound around his waist—into the bedroom. “I think he already knows to cancel practice.”

OWARI

---

Notes: 1) Written for the rare_k_love challenge.

Crossover - Multiple pairings - Abingdon School For Boys - 18/33

2007-04-29T17:46:18Z

Title: Abingdon School For Boys
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Smut/Fun?
Artists: abingdon boys school, Dir en grey, Gackt, Miyavi, Ayumi Hamasaki
Pairings: Multiple
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sexual content, language, possibly more as I go along
Summary: AU Crossover. Takanori is a spunky student at Abingdon School For Boys where he wrestles with classes, complex roommates, social endeavors, and a schoolboy crush on his eccentric headmaster.
Notes: OMG. I let almost a month go by before updating this! *emos* I'm so sorry, everyone. I've been busy and stressed and, admittedly, part of my delay with this chapter was related to its content. Do you know how hard it is to write about Christmas when birds are singing outside your window!?
「previous parts」 | 「cast of characters」 | 「school map」

Part 18: Christmas Holiday

No one was happier to finish exams week than Takanori. The moment they got done on Thursday he flung his arms around Kyo and announced, “We did it! We’re now officially on holiday!”

Kyo grinned and hugged Takanori back gladly. When they pulled apart he was blushing, much to his dismay. He knew he wouldn’t have made it without Takanori. Since the panic attack he had constantly given him hugs and pep talks and chocolate… It was most encouraging in more ways than one.

“Let’s go have some supper!” Takanori exclaimed.

The dining hall was alive with excited chatter. The exams were over, and tomorrow everyone would be going home to spend a little more than two homework-less weeks with their families. Even Kaoru joined the rest of his roommates at the large table they’d pulled together with Kyo and Takanori’s roommates.

“I can’t wait to see my puppy again!” Shinya beamed. His smell fell shortly after, though, and he looked at Die. “Oh, but I’m going to miss you, Die.” He tucked his arm in his boyfriend’s.

For the briefest of moments a look of discomfort flickered over Die’s face, but then he gave Shinya a smile. “Don’t worry, the time will fly by fast.”

Toshiya glared noticeably, but ironically, no one seemed to notice. Miyavi suddenly whacked him in the arm and exclaimed, “I can’t wait to see what presents are waiting for us at home, eh, Totchi? I know you’re going to get me something nice, eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?”

He nudged Toshiya with his elbow every time he said “eh” until Toshiya grabbed his arm and exclaimed, “For the last time, I’m not telling you what I’m getting you! You’ll find out on Christmas, won’t you?”

Miyavi pouted, crossing his arms and glaring at the basket of bread rolls. Takanori stifled a giggle and looked at Kyo, who looked mildly uncomfortable. He leaned over to him. “What’s wrong?”

Kyo shrugged and whispered back, “I had awful mental images of Toshiya’s Christmas present.”

Takanori raised an eyebrow. “What do you—“ But he understood halfway through the sentence, and burst into laughter.

Every head at the table swiveled to look at him. Kyo turned bright red and slid down in his chair enough that only his head was visible over the table. Takanori just kept laughing, waving everyone off as well as he could while he struggled to breathe. Other people in the dining hall were watching (Gackt included), but Takanori didn’t seem to see that. “Ohhh, that was funny!” He finally announced, wiping a tear from his eye.

Then there was silence. At last everyone in the dining hall went back to their food. Kaoru cleared his throat. “Well, I think I’m going to head off to bed. I hear the train’s leaving at 10 tomorrow morning.”

Takanori bounced up, too. “Great idea, Kaoru!”

Everyone else was soon clambering out of their chairs—everyone, except Kyo, who remained seated, poking disinterestedly at his hash. Takanori eyed him curiously. “Well, aren’t you coming?”

Kyo shook his head. “I’m still…hungry,” he lied.

So the rest of them left, but Kaoru said, “I’ll be up in a moment,” and reclaimed his seat next to Kyo. For awhile they were both quiet while Kyo continued to play with his food, and Kaoru just stared him down. At last he said bluntly, “You have family problems at home or something? Because, frankly, everyone else is excited to go home.”

“You’re very keen,” Kyo said sarcastically.

Kaoru nodded knowingly. “So that’s it, is it? You know, Kyo, students have the option of staying here. You could always do that.”

“I think I will,” Kyo said, sarcasm still lining his voice.

Kaoru gave him an obvious glare. “You know, I’m trying to be helpful. You don’t have to be so rude about it.”

Kyo glared right back. “I’ll have you know that I’m on great terms with my family, and I would love to go home to see them, but we’re not the richest family, are we? I will be staying here over the holidays, but not because I want to. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m in the middle of eating.”

With that, he finally scooped up some hash and shoved it into his mouth. Kaoru sighed, and left him alone at the table. Upon returning to the Crescent House, he went to Kyo’s room instead of his own. He knocked on the door, wondering in the back of his mind why he was bothering… The people in this room had never treated him very good. But Kyo has, squeaked a persistent little voice at the back of his mind. He sighed and nodded, running a hand through his hair.

He was glad Takanori was the one to open the door; he’d always been pretty nice, too. He gave Kaoru his adorable smile and exclaimed, “Hey! We’re getting a visit from—oh wait… You know, Kyo isn’t up here, if that’s who you’re looking for.”

Kaoru shook his head, and invited himself inside. “Actually, I’ve already been to talk to him, and I have something to tell you lot.”

“Oh my god, now what’s happened!?” Takanori burst, starting to march out the door.

Kaoru grabbed him around the middle and hoisted him back in, shutting the door while he was at it. “Listen, it’s nothing life-threatening, and I’m sure he’d only be agitated with you if you ran all the way to the dining hall just to bring it up. I think it’s a blow to his pride, and that’s why he hasn’t told you.”

“Well, what is it?” Toshiya asked, looking a little exasperated.

Kaoru rubbed the back of his neck. “It seems…well, it seems Kyo will be staying here for Christmas because his family can’t afford for him to come back home.”

Takanori gasped, but otherwise, silence met Kaoru’s statement. Toshiya sat down on his bed, looking like he had no idea what they were supposed to do about that. Miyavi sat down as well, and said uncertainly, “Well, I’m sure he’ll live…”

“Don’t be so cold-hearted, Miyavi!” Shinya admonished.

“Really!” Takanori exclaimed, putting his hands on his hips. “That’s terrible news! And it’s terrible that he wouldn’t tell any of us! I think we—“

“We are going to do nothing about this,” Toshiya said firmly, standing again, and walking the short distance to Takanori. “Kyo didn’t tell us for a reason, Takanori, and I think Kaoru’s right: it would be a blow to his pride to have to admit to his rich friends from Abingdon that his parents can’t afford him a train ride home for Christmas.”

“But—“

Toshiya cut in, speaking above Takanori, “We will do nothing about this because there’s nothing we can do. If he wanted our sympathy he would have came to us straight away, but I think he would rather we didn’t have pity on him. Don’t say a word about any of this to him, do you understand, Taka?”

Takanori looked like he wanted deeply to argue, but gave a forced nod and sat down on his bed. Kaoru cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, I’ll be going then.”

“Thank you for telling us,” Toshiya said to him, though he sounded a little awkward himself. “I guess you’re more than a…creepy lone wolf…”

Kaoru looked over at him, and gave a charming smile to the inhabitants of the room before leaving it. He ran into Kyo on the way out, though, and mumbled something about needing to use the bathroom in there because his roommates were all using the other one before he scurried around him and back into his own room. Kyo came inside and shut the door, then looked around at all his roommates. Toshiya smiled before seeing to changing into his pajamas. Miyavi followed his example. Shinya looked piteously at Kyo, as though he were a terminally ill child. Takanori averted his gaze. Kyo cleared his throat nervously. “Did Kaoru…” But he didn’t finish his question.

“He came in to use the toilet, just as he said,” Toshiya said simply.

“Yeah,” Miyavi agreed.

Kyo gave a nod, and then went to his bed. Shinya gave a mournful sigh before heading into the bathroom. Takanori watched Kyo for a few seconds before he got up, and marched out of the room. First he found a phone in the main building, and had a very difficult conversation with his parents. When he had finished with that, he squared his shoulders, and marched to Gackt’s office. He took a deep breath and knocked.

“I’m in no mood,” came a quiet voice beyond the wood.

Takanori was surprised; he’d never heard the headmaster sound forlorn like that before. He swallowed, and then announced, “It’s Takanori Nishikawa, Headmaster, and I only need a minute.”

Silence met him, but after another moment, Gackt said, “Then come in.”

Takanori opened the door, and slid inside, careful to leave it open. He still wasn’t sure what he thought of Gackt…or if he trusted him. The headmaster in question had his office chair pulled up to the window, and there was a large quilt wrapped around his shoulders. He didn’t look as intimidating as usual, and Takanori had the strongest urge to ask what was wrong. Instead he just stood there, feeling increasingly stupider.

“Did you wish to come in so you could add decoration to my office, Takanori?” Gackt asked bemusedly before turning the chair away from the window so he could give Takanori a gentle smile.

Takanori blushed and shook his head. “No, Sir, I just wanted to say something. Erm…I’m on the roster of kids that are leaving for Christmas, but I’d like for you to put me on the roster of kids that are staying. I’ve just talked with my parents, and I won’t be going home for the holidays.”

Gackt raised an eyebrow, and finally stood up from the chair, wearing the quilt as some kind of makeshift cloak as he walked the short distance to his desk. “Really? Are you not on good terms with your parents this year?”

He found the rosters and wrote on each of them in turn. Takanori swallowed. “Well, if you must know, Sir, it’s just that… Kyo can’t go home because his parents can’t afford it. I don’t want him to be the only one in our room for two weeks! Can you imagine how lonely it would be to spend Christmas that way? So I’m going to stay here, too, so that he has some company.”

Gackt looked up at Takanori, mild surprise etched into his features. “Ah… So you…get on well with him, do you?”

Takanori shrugged. “I suppose. We’ve become good friends, I think.”

Gackt nodded, offering a smile. “I see. That’s very good then.”

Takanori nodded as well. “Thanks for your time, Headmaster.”

He started for the door, but Gackt called for him to wait a moment. He stopped and turned to face the headmaster again, eyebrows raised curiously. Gackt finally took the quilt off, letting it wait for him on the chair. He picked up an envelope off of the desk, and approached Takanori. “I guess it’s rather silly for me to keep up this charade, so I’ll just give you my last one, and that will be all.”

Takanori didn’t understand what he meant. He put the envelope in his hands, gave him a charming smile, and then opened the office door. “I shall be here as well for the holidays, so I know I’ll be seeing you around. Have a good night.”

Takanori nodded, and left the office, still feeling quizzical. He started down the hall, turning the envelope over in his hands. At last he carefully opened it, and took out a letter; a smell instantly came from the piece of paper, and he recognized it as Gackt’s cologne. Butterflies fluttered around in his stomach. He stopped in the middle of the hallway as he read the letter through, realizing with a jolt that it was a love letter, and it proved Gackt had indeed given him the other one! His mouth went dry at one of the last sentences:

Although a forbidden love ours would be, I know plenty of forbidden places in which to make love.

* * * * *

The next morning dawned sunny, though still crisp and cold. The entire Crescent House was alive with chattering, shouting and excited whooping. Kyo rolled over in bed, and buried his head beneath the pillow, trying to drown out the sounds of the lucky students who would be able to go home and have a real holiday.

His own roommates were adding plenty to the din, of course. He could hear Shinya checking down all that he was bringing with him, occasionally giving a gasp and saying something like, “Well, I’ll need more socks than just these few pair!” Toshiya and Miyavi were arguing very loudly about who would be picking them up at the station. Takanori was… Kyo lifted his head from beneath the pillow, wondering why Takanori wasn’t joining in the irritating noise. His roommate was nowhere to be seen, but it was obvious someone was in the bathroom. He sighed, and face-planted his pillow; Takanori was taking a shower before he left, that’s all.

After another minute, Kyo got up and dressed inconspicuously in the corner. He put on a jacket and woolen hat, and then left the room. He ran into Kaoru once he’d left the Crescent House; the other boy was outside smoking. “You’re going to get in trouble,” he warned, though he was easily amused by Kaoru’s antics.

Kaoru shrugged. “Three teachers have walked by me thus far, and none of them have had a thing to say. Everyone’s much too excited about the break to flip out over one stupid kid smoking.”

Kyo shook his head. “Ah. Well, have fun in London then.”

Kaoru raised an eyebrow. “You’re not going to see everyone off?”

Kyo gave a mirthless laugh. “And have to explain to them all why I won’t be getting on the train? No, I’m planning to hide out in the library until the busses leave.” He glanced over at the line of busses waiting at Abingdon’s entrance; again, he felt a bitter sting of disappointment.

Kaoru sighed and dropped his cigarette into the snow before hooking an arm around Kyo’s neck. “You’ll live, mate. It’s only two weeks. Anyway, students have the option of returning to bring in the New Year with their classmates, so I think I’ll be back by then. I can get away with celebrating the New Year elsewhere, but my parents would sooner murder me than let me spend Christmas away from them.”

Kyo chuckled. “Well, then I’ll see you then.”

Kaoru released him, and went back inside the Crescent House. Kyo continued on his way to the library, which was empty; even Maude wasn’t to be found inside. He found a book that looked semi interesting, and plopped down at one of the many vacant tables to read it.

He was easily lost in the story, and almost halfway through the book, he realized how late it was getting, mostly thanks to his stomach growling. He’d skipped breakfast, and seeing as it was after eleven, he was hoping the dining hall would be open to him. He saved his place in the book, and then left the library with it. His plan was to leave it in his room, and then go to the dining hall to have a lonely meal.

He was obviously shocked, then, when he neared his room and heard singing from inside it… His eyes widened. Had one of his roommates been left behind? He pressed his ear to the door, and could tell right away that he was hearing Takanori. His heart leapt at the possibility of spending Christmas with Takanori, but he quickly brushed the thought aside. He was just imagining things, of course…

He pushed open the door, and his eyes widened to the general circumference of dinner plates when he saw that Takanori was the one singing inside the room. He was busy pulling a sweater out of the wardrobe, but turned around and stopped singing at the sight of Kyo. He smiled. “Oh, hey, Kyo! I was wondering where you—“

“What are you doing here?” Kyo burst, unable to stop himself. “I thought you were going home for Christmas! Don’t you know you’ve missed the bus?”

Takanori chuckled, and shut the wardrobe before putting the sweater on over his form-fitting shirt. He walked up to Kyo, and took the book from him, tossing it carelessly onto the nearest bed. “Of course I know that, I’m not stupid. I’ve already arranged things with my parents. I’ll be staying at Abingdon for Christmas.”

Kyo knew it was rude to stare, but he was doing it anyway. His mouth had dropped open of its own accord, and Takanori gently pushed it shut with his index finger. “Don’t look so surprised, Kyo!” He laughed. “We’re chums, right?”

Kyo took a couple of steps back. “Yes, but…well, now I feel bad, Takanori. You shouldn’t have ditched your family to have Christmas here with me.” He was blushing now, and cursed inwardly at himself.

Takanori’s smile disappeared, and he looked sad as he closed the space between them again. “But Kyo…no one should have to spend Christmas alone.”

Kyo stared at him for only another minute, before he did something he had not been expecting, and grabbed Takanori’s shoulders, pressing their lips together gratefully. Takanori steered him around until he fell backward onto one of the beds, the other boy straddling his hips. “Just think,” he whispered, his hands sliding up and down Kyo’s chest, “we have this room all to ourselves.”

Kyo swallowed, and made to sit up. “But I thought you weren’t going to have sex until—“

Takanori laughed loudly, and pushed Kyo back down. “I wasn’t saying I’m going to have sex with you, Kyo! Though one wonders why you automatically thought of that?” He raised an eyebrow.

Kyo didn’t realize it was possible for a human being to turn any redder, but he felt himself do so. He cleared his throat. “Yes, well, you know—“ He stammered.

Takanori chuckled again, and bent down, breathing out, “Just kiss me, you dolt,” before pressing his lips again to Kyo’s.

Kyo did as he was told, allowing his hands to crawl up Takanori’s thighs, gripping his ass as their tongues danced together. He had a feeling Christmas was going to be very interesting indeed.

* * * * *

Christmas morning dawned cold and windy, snow blowing up from every which way. The few inhabitants of Abingdon School for Boys didn’t really care much, though. It was warm inside all of the school buildings, and there were presents to be opened!

Takanori awoke to find he’d left a nice puddle of drool on Kyo’s shirt. He stifled a laugh, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before pushing himself up a bit. He and Kyo had been sharing a bed since the others had left; the beds were small, but so were they. It was nice to have someone to cuddle with in the middle of the night when it was so cold. Kyo was sleeping soundly, but the grip of his arm around Takanori’s waist was tight. Takanori leaned close to his face, and blew on it. Kyo’s nose twitched and he pulled Takanori closer, mumbling something incoherent. Takanori chuckled, and shouted, “HAPPY CHRISTMAS!”

Kyo’s eyes snapped open and he yelled, so Takanori yelled back, so Kyo yelled again, so Takanori burst into hysterical laughter. They had an impromptu pillow fight when Kyo swung his at Takanori in embarrassment. After that, Takanori insisted they go down to the common room to see if they had presents beneath the tree. They did, of course, as that’s where they all went when students elected to stay at Abingdon.

Takanori had more presents than Kyo, but he tried to hide them so Kyo wouldn’t see. He was pleased when he found one from Kyo, too. It turned out to be a book with a little note scribbled inside the front cover:

This is one of my favorite books, but I’ve read it enough to have it memorized. I don’t have a lot of money to buy things, so I hope that you like a second hand present okay. I think you’ll like it, if you give it a chance. –Kyo

Takanori gave Kyo a smile, noticing the obvious blush in the other’s cheeks as he tried to look away. “I think it’s the thought the counts, Kyo. And now you’ve made me feel like a lousy friend because I didn’t get you anything!”

Kyo just shrugged and said, “Hope you like the book.”

Takanori chuckled, setting the worn book gingerly on top of his other gifts. “I know I will.”

There was a bit of an awkward silence, and then Kyo chanced looking at Takanori as he said, “I see you haven’t received a present from the headmaster. I was half-expecting him to send you a pony with a bow tied around the head.”

Takanori laughed openly, but turned a shade of red. “Well, actually…I have to show you something. Stay right here.”

Kyo groaned. “Oh no, he did gift wrap a pony, didn’t he?”

Takanori laughed again, but gave no reply as he dashed back up to their room, where the second love letter had joined the first beneath his pillow. He pulled it out and sniffed it once, his eyelashes fluttering from the arousing scent of the cologne. His face burned, and he hurried back downstairs, thrusting the envelope into Kyo’s hand. He sat back down, and pretended to be intently reading the summary on the back of the book Kyo had given him; really, he was watching Kyo out of the corner of his eye as he read the letter.

After a moment, Kyo set the letter down, so Takanori turned his full attention to him again. “Well?”

Kyo shook his head. “Obviously he wants to fuck you.”

There was a pause after that while Takanori stared at Kyo in numb surprise. Finally he said, “I believe he used the expression ‘make love.’”

Kyo shook his head, and gathered up his small amount of presents before he stood up, giving Takanori an angry glance. “Whatever, Takanori. If you want to get caught up in his stupid love games, that’s fine with me. Don’t think I give a damn about you anyway.”

With that, he marched out of the common room, heading back up the stairs. Takanori felt a pang in his own heart, but he didn’t know if it was hurt over what Kyo had said, or anger over his reaction to the letter. He smelled it once more before stuffing it back into the envelope. “Whatever, Kyo,” he growled to himself. “I’ve figured you out. You’re just a jealous arse.”

Part 19

---

Notes: 1) Hash = a common dish in Great Britain, made up of chopped potatoes, vegetables, and some sort of meat. I hear it's pretty good.
2) Christmas continues in chapter 19, of course... XD;

Dir en grey - Kaoru/Kyo - The Unexpected Mishap - 4/?

2007-04-25T18:36:26Z

An Café - Teruki x Kanon x Miku - Taking Comfort - 1/1

2007-04-23T18:49:00Z

Title: Taking Comfort
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Smut/slight Angst
Band: アンティック珈琲店 (An Café)
Pairings: Teruki x Kanon x Miku
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sex between three people; basically, this is porn.
Summary: Sex can be a comfort tool...
Notes: Okay, I realize that Bou leaving is a touchy subject. Still, I couldn't ignore this idea when it came to me. I understand some people will be upset by the idea of the other three having sex in light of their difficult time ahead without Bou, so if that's you, please, don't even bother reading. I don't have the time or energy to deal with flames from people who were warned and should have just stayed away. To everyone else, I hope you like the sex. :)

Taking Comfort

It wasn’t raining very hard outside—certainly not to the point where someone would get drenched walking out into it. Miku couldn’t even hear it on the roof or on the sidewalk as he sat in front of an open window in Teruki and Kanon’s apartment. He was sitting on a comfortable window seat that he often sat on when he came to visit, only he was usually in a much better mood when he was there. Teruki had gone to get some dinner, and he hadn’t yet seen Kanon…

A chilly breeze suddenly blew through the window, and he shivered, pulling the sleeves of his sweatshirt down so that they covered his hands. His knees were drawn up to his chest, and he used them to subdue an itch in his nose, then just rested his cheek against them, gazing out the window, trying not to cry.

It was difficult to think of Bou leaving a band that they couldn’t have formed without him. At least, that’s what Miku thought. After all, each one of them worked hard and played a part in making An Café what they were, so if Bou wasn’t there… He felt a horrible mixture of emotions, the sum of which became utter depression. He was angry because Bou was hurting everything they ever wanted. He was sad because he liked Bou and he didn’t want him to leave. He was frustrated for getting angry because that was selfish. He was scared because he didn’t know what would happen to the band next. He let out a sigh and shut his eyes, squeezing tears out of them unintentionally.

The sound of the front door opening met his ears, but he stayed quiet and seated. The window seat he was occupying was in Teruki’s room, so he could remain unseen. He hurriedly rubbed his eyes against his knees, and then resumed looking outside. The door to the bedroom was cracked open, and he heard it creak as it was pushed open all the way. “Hey, I just—“

Kanon’s voice stopped, and after a long pause in which Miku didn’t even say anything, he said, “What are you doing here?”

Miku shrugged, still staring outside. A shock of lightning illuminated everything, and he could see that the rain was starting to pick up. “Nothing.”

“Are you here to see Teruki?” Kanon kept his voice level, but Miku knew the emotion that was hiding behind it.

He turned his head to look at his friend, a soft smile playing on his face. “Jealous?”

Kanon’s cheeks turned a little pink, and he came over to sit on the corner of the bed that was near to Miku. “Usually you visit to see me…”

Miku sighed and leaned his head against the window, shivering when the cold air from outside tickled his neck. “Well, I actually came to see both of you. Teruki was the only one here, and when I asked if I could stay the night he said it was okay. He left to get dinner.”

Kanon smiled slightly. “But why did you ask? You know you’re always welcome here, Miku-kun.”

To prove his point he reached for Miku’s hand and gave it a squeeze, but didn’t let go. Miku nodded and looked back out the window, determined not to make eye-contact with Kanon, in case he should cry. “I know that, but these are different circumstances. I didn’t come to have fun or sex.” He imagined Kanon blushed again. “I came so that I wouldn’t be all alone in my apartment. I came because I feel depressed and hopeless, and I didn’t know what else to do.” He swallowed, feeling embarrassment creep through every inch of his body.

He heard Kanon get up off of the bed, and then he was being pressed against the window as he squeezed onto the window seat. It was a good thing they were both so thin, Miku thought. He turned to look at the bassist, and saw that it was Kanon who was fighting the urge to cry; tears were sparkling in his eyes, and he looked solemn as he said, “Miku, we’re all upset right now. You shouldn’t assume that we wouldn’t want you here because you’re not your same, bouncy self.” He paused to chuckle. “In fact, you wouldn’t believe all the stupid things Teruki and I have been arguing about because we’ve both been in bad moods, too. I made ramen for dinner last night, and when I asked him if he wanted any he completely flipped out and said, ‘Bou always made ramen for me, so what makes you think I want that!?’ I just yelled back that he had to forget Bou, and he said he never could, and soon my ramen was burnt and he was slamming the door as he left.”

Miku swallowed, feeling foolish all of a sudden for thinking Bou’s departure was only impacting him. Anyway, he knew Teruki and Bou were very close… “I’m sorry,” he said.

At that, Kanon chuckled once more. He found Miku’s hand again, and intertwined their fingers. “Don’t be, Miku-kun.”

Then they were quiet. Miku leaned his head against Kanon’s shoulder, and they just sat there for a little while. The rain outside could now be heard pounding on the roof, and with a shift in the wind, Miku suddenly let out a startled yelp because it began coming through the window. He pushed against Kanon, who yelled in surprise when he fell off the window seat. Then Miku fell on top of him, so they were in an undignified heap on the floor. This caused them both to laugh, though, which made Miku very happy because they hadn’t been laughing lately. “Sorry, Kanon-kun,” he chuckled.

Kanon smiled at him. They were in a very compromising position, so it was no surprise to Miku to feel Kanon’s hand stroke his cheek, sliding back to rest in his hair. He took the hint and bent down so their lips could connect, a contented sigh leaving his nostrils as they did. He realized it was really the simple things in life that needed to be most treasured, since they were often what kept him going in times of turmoil. He kissed Kanon as though he, too, could announce his departure from the band at any minute. He ran his tongue over the stud in Kanon’s lip, getting the same results as he always did when Kanon opened his mouth. Their tongues wrestled together, and fought for dominance. Miku always liked to argue that he really wasn’t an uke, but no matter how hard he tried to take control, Kanon always won in the end.

In fact, Kanon started to sit up then, forcing Miku onto his knees. Then they were both standing, and a few seconds later, Kanon was pushing Miku backward onto the bed. Miku realized that he didn’t really want to pretend to fight for the seme position because he just wanted Kanon to love on him, so he gave in and allowed Kanon to crawl on top of him. Of course, it would figure that Kanon stopped ravishing him just then so he could eye him, worry etched into his brow. “Won’t Teruki be upset that we’re doing this on his bed?”

“Nah, and we’ll be done before he gets back so he won’t even have to know,” Miku shrugged, hooking his arm around Kanon’s neck, and pulling him back down. “We’re already here, and I’m giving myself up willingly, Kanon-kun…”

For a moment Kanon’s sensible side seemed to fight with the side that just wanted to have his way with Miku. The second one gave in when he smiled and bent down to resume their kiss. He brought his hands down Miku’s sweatshirt-clad front, pausing at the hem of his pants. One hand slid back up his chest, reaching his cheek again and running fondly through his hair. The other took a moment to undo the button and zip of Miku’s pants. Miku hummed and tilted his head back, allowing Kanon to suckle on his neck. “Already, Kanon-kun? We just started!”

Kanon didn’t say anything, but he answered Miku’s question by sliding his hand into his pants so he could massage Miku through his underwear. Miku swallowed and closed his eyes, bringing a hand up to play with Kanon’s dark locks. Kanon continued giving his neck delicious attention while his hand teased… But after a few seconds Miku suddenly felt Kanon’s warm fingers on his flesh, and he let out a soft moan, arching his back to the touch.

Kanon pulled his hand away, and fiddled with Miku’s sweatshirt. He made quite a show out of trying to pull it over Miku’s head; the both of them laughed when it got stuck and Miku had to slap Kanon’s hands away to get it off himself. Kanon removed his own jacket, and then went after Miku’s tee shirt. Finally Miku got Kanon’s shirt off as well, and they resumed kissing, this time their bare chests touching. Kanon pushed Miku back against the bedspread, his hand once again heading to Miku’s pants, where his hardening member was sticking out. He gripped it, and firmly moved his hand up and down over the needy flesh. Miku brought his hand to his mouth, biting down on it to keep himself from being loud; he still couldn’t help the moan that came out when Kanon’s thumb flicked over his tip, though.

Kanon’s mouth traversed over his neck, swiping teasingly at the hickey he’d just left there. He went lower, pausing at a nipple, and biting down gently on it. His other hand toyed with the other one, and Miku moaned again, arching his back, wordlessly begging Kanon to inflict more pleasure on him.

Just then, someone appeared in the open doorway. Miku didn’t see him, but Kanon saw out of the corner of his eye, and looked over, a deer-in-the-headlights look frozen onto his face. Miku opened his eyes when he realized Kanon’s hand had stopped moving, and he looked at him curiously for just a second before turning his head to see Teruki, of course. He offered a cute smile, well aware that there were love bites on his neck, his cheeks were flushed, and Kanon’s hand was down his pants. “Oh, hi, Teruki-chan!”

Teruki didn’t look upset, but he didn’t look amused either. “What are you guys doing?” He asked bluntly.

Kanon turned bright red and said quietly, “You’re not really going to make me say are you?”

“I will,” Miku said, something akin to pride in his voice. “Kanon and I were just about to have sex.”

Kanon groaned and finally pulled his hand from Miku’s pants, looking slightly annoyed, but clearly still infatuated with Miku. Teruki gave them a nod, and looked thoughtful for a moment before coming into the room, and shutting the door behind him. “So why are you on my bed?”

If it was possible, Kanon turned even more red, while Miku exclaimed jovially, “You have the bigger bed, that’s why!” In fact, neither bed in the apartment was really bigger.

Teruki nodded, and came over to the bed, sitting down beside them. “Well, since you’re on my bed…”

Miku let out a great gasp of shock when Teruki leaned over and kissed Kanon on the mouth. Kanon looked shocked, too, but didn’t even have a chance to pull away. Teruki grabbed his shoulders so that he couldn’t, and kissed him with a fierceness Miku didn’t know he possessed. The vocalist sat up with some difficulty, since Kanon was still sitting on his legs. “Hey!” He burst. “Hey, I’m talking to you, Teruki!”

Teruki pulled away from Kanon, but whatever Miku began to say next got cut off when he chose to kiss him then. Miku let out a startled sound into the kiss, but allowed Teruki to kiss him; he even kissed back. After that, Teruki looked between the two of them, almost as though daring them to ask him what he was on about. Kanon was looking seriously confused, but Miku shrugged and said, “Sex is the ideal comfort tool, right?”

“Oh, Miku,” Kanon groaned, rubbing his forehead.

Teruki smiled, seemingly glad Miku understood. Miku leaned forward and again kissed Teruki. This time Teruki pushed him back against the mattress as he kissed him. He broke away after a moment, but only so he could look at Kanon and say, “Are you going to give him a blow job or what?”

Kanon nodded, finally snapping out of shock at the turn of events. He took a moment to get Miku’s pants and underwear off, and then bent his head and took him into his mouth. Miku’s moan was muffled by Teruki’s mouth, but he was still able to jerk his hips. Kanon set a hand firmly on them, and set to work at moving his head up and down, his tongue swirling around tip occasionally, just to tease Miku.

Miku was certainly being teased, and it only got worse as Teruki pulled away from his mouth to give generous attention to each of his nipples. Miku dug a hand into the drummer’s hair to give himself an anchor; he was gasping by now. Teruki sucked on one nipple before going to the next one and doing the same; he kissed a trail to Miku’s navel and poked his tongue inside, something that would have caused Miku to buck his hips if Kanon hadn’t been holding them down.

Teruki pulled away, and grabbed Kanon’s shoulder, so that he sat up as well. Miku opened his eyes to find the two of them kissing above him, and he sat up so he could get in on the action. The sloppy three-way kiss made them all laugh, though, and Miku said breathlessly, “Oh good, I thought you were grumpy tonight because you hadn’t laughed yet.”

He was obviously talking to Teruki, who gave him a smile and said, “Maybe I’m still grumpy. How would you make me less grumpy, Miku-chan?”

Miku grinned and sat up. “Well, first get naked.”

That caused Teruki to laugh again, but he did as Miku said. Kanon sat off to the side, looking slightly jealous. Miku didn’t notice this at first, though, and he directed Teruki next to lie on his back. Teruki did that as well, and then Miku sat on his legs, his knees on either side of the other man. “This always cheers up Kanon-kun,” he said with a devilish smile before he bent his head.

Teruki hummed, but otherwise made no other sound. He wasn’t aroused yet, but Miku set to fixing that, moving his hand and mouth synchronically over him. He paused after a moment so he could look over his shoulder at Kanon. “Are you going to help me here?”

Kanon shrugged, but didn’t move from his spot. Teruki propped himself up on his elbows and said, “I should have guessed you guys had a relationship. Well…I think I kind of knew because I really wasn’t surprised to find you in such a compromising position when I walked in here. Anyway, I don’t think Kanon is fond of you using your mouth on me, Miku-kun.”

Miku looked slightly shocked, but definitely flattered as he looked at Kanon. Kanon sighed and said, “Well, not to be a jerk or something, but…Miku’s mouth is mine.”

Teruki and Miku both laughed, and then Teruki spoke again. “Okay, Miku, better tend to poor Kanon’s needs.”

Kanon blushed, but said, “Damn right he better.”

The other two laughed again, and Miku got off of Teruki. “Well, first get naked!”

More laughter. There was a warm feeling bubbling up in Miku to replace the growing dread and depression that had been there before. He watched as Kanon stripped down, and then laid himself across the covers in Teruki’s place; the drummer had sat up and moved out of the way. First Miku gave Kanon a gentle kiss on the lips. He moved to his ear and whispered, “You’re sweet, Kanon-kun.”

Kanon said nothing, but looked slightly pleased with himself when Miku gave him a smile and then bent over him to tend to business. Teruki watched, slightly fascinated to see his band mates interacting the way they were. They had obviously been doing this for awhile; they both seemed to know each other well enough. Kanon’s eyes slipped shut rather quickly, and he took to chewing on his lip stud to keep from making any noise. One of his hands was holding tightly to Miku’s hand, while the other absently swam through his hair. Miku used his free hand to stimulate Kanon’s shaft while his tongue laved over the crown. After a little while he took him into his mouth, and the way his cheeks caved in told Teruki he was sucking. Kanon’s next breath was a sort of gasping sound, and his hips arched ever so slightly.

Teruki was getting the results he wanted as he stroked himself, feeling more and more turned on by the sight before him. It wasn’t long before he had brought himself to full hardness, and he said breathlessly, “Okay, Miku, you can stop now.”

Miku pulled away, and wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand, casting Teruki a grin. “Did you like that?”

Teruki didn’t say anything; he really didn’t have to. Instead he cleared his throat and gave Miku some instructions. “All right, you need to lie down. You should rest your head on the pillows, too.”

Kanon and Miku exchanged glances; they’d known Teruki could be extremely serious when the time came for him to be, but they’d never imagined him to take charge in a sexual situation like this one. “What are you going to do?” Kanon asked, looking politely incredulous.

“You’ll see,” Teruki said simply.

Miku was obviously excited, and grabbed Kanon’s hand. “This is fun, isn’t it?”

Kanon nodded, and made himself comfortable next to Miku. They still held hands, and watched as Teruki rummaged in the night stand. “This is going to get messy,” he murmured thoughtfully, though they weren’t really sure if he was talking to them or himself. After a moment he was shutting the drawer and setting some stuff on the duvet. They saw a box of condoms and a bottle of lubricant. “Why do you have lube!?” Miku bellowed.

Teruki smiled faintly. “You didn’t expect me to give it to Bou dry, did you?”

There was an awkward silence before Miku gasped loudly and said, “What!? You and Bou!?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?” Kanon mumbled.

“But—“

“Please, Miku-kun, now isn’t the time to talk about it,” said Teruki, suddenly looking a little morose. A new sense of determination seemed to come over him at the same time. His expression hardened, and he put some lube on his fingers before carefully prodding at Miku’s entrance.

Miku gasped and gripped Kanon’s hand more firmly. A sense of morbid fascination came over Kanon as he watched Teruki stretch Miku’s opening, the vocalist letting out little gasps of pleasure, his brow scrunched from the foreign intrusion. Teruki said softly, “I suppose he’s a good uke for you, isn’t he?”

“Miku isn’t my uke,” said Kanon stiffly, “he’s my lover.”

Teruki smiled, but said nothing more. He pulled his fingers away after a moment, and put on a condom. He spread lube over himself, and then moved closer to Miku, grabbing his hips. Miku opened his eyes, looking a little curious, but also excited. He looked over at Kanon. “Is this okay?”

Kanon looked torn, but he smiled and nodded. He bent over Miku to engage him in a kiss as Teruki drove into him. It was interesting, of course, to watch Miku having sex without being apart of it—like watching him in a porn video or something. Kanon only kissed him for awhile before he pulled away to watch, feeling overwhelmingly aroused by the site of his lover. He touched himself, but Teruki’s hand suddenly grabbed his arm. “See if he’ll…” he panted out, but that was all he said before he groaned, and gripped Miku harder.

Kanon understood, though, and he carefully situated himself so that his knees were on either side of Miku. Miku opened his eyes, feeling Kanon over him. “Miku-kun, can you…” Kanon wasn’t sure how to phrase his request.

Miku nodded, looking slightly dazed; his body was moving unwillingly against the mattress as Teruki pounded into him. He still managed to direct Kanon’s cock into his mouth, and he sloppily worked him over, moaning every now and then from Teruki’s movements inside of him.

Kanon was blatantly shocked when Teruki pulled away, and grabbed his arm again. It wasn’t easy to pull away from Miku. “Okay, Kanon, your turn to lie down.”

Kanon did as he was told, although he was very confused. He watched Teruki take off the condom and discard it on the nightstand. He put some more lube on his fingers, and then said, “Have you ever been uke before?”

Kanon shook his head, and hurriedly tried to sit up when he realized where this was going. “Wait, wait—“

“No, I want to see this!” Miku burst, sitting up and settling himself right next to Kanon since he had regained his breath.

Kanon nodded, apparently ready to do anything for Miku. Teruki smiled at that, and then screwed up his face in concentration as he pushed one finger past Kanon’s entrance. Kanon clearly looked surprised and uncomfortable at the feeling. Miku grabbed his hand, grinning like Christmas had come early. “I’m going to write about this in my journal!” He sniggered.

Kanon gave him a slightly annoyed glance, but said nothing. Teruki prodding around inside of him was a little distracting, and slightly pleasurable. When a second finger entered him he felt pain, and it was even worse when a third finger finally forced its way inside. What pleasure he felt was still only dull, and for a moment he was horrorstruck when he realized this was what he had been doing to Miku for months. But then Teruki shifted his fingers a bit until he found his prostate; he had forgotten about that, and when Teruki brushed against his he felt pleasure like he’d never known before. He gasped and arched violently, stars bursting before his eyes. He heard Miku, practically giggling, say, “Do it again, Teruki!”

Kanon was about to protest, but Teruki obliged Miku’s request, and the bassist let out a moan without even meaning to, again thrashing against the bedspread at the feeling. Teruki pulled his fingers out then, leaving Kanon panting, unsure about whether he was glad he’d pulled away, or disappointed because he wanted more of that. It seemed he was going to get more, though, because then he watched as Teruki put on a new condom and covered himself in lube. “This is going to hurt,” he warned gently, “but it’s better you’re prepared this way.”

Kanon didn’t understand what he meant, but he wasn’t going to argue. He wanted to feel that pleasure again, and he was well aware of Miku’s eyes shining on him; Miku was getting sexually excited watching him give himself to Teruki. It was probably also profound for him since he was used to Kanon being the seme.

“Ready?” Teruki butted into his thoughts, positioning himself.

Kanon could feel his tip at his entrance, and he shivered, but consented. Miku grabbed one of his hands, and gave it a squeeze, and then Teruki slowly buried himself inside him, and it really was painful. It was painful enough that Kanon cried out, and gripped Miku’s hand tightly. Teruki didn’t move for a moment, and Miku bent down to leave reassuring butterfly kisses over Kanon’s visage. “It gets better,” he promised.

Kanon could only nod, somewhat afraid to say anything. After another moment he felt Teruki slide out of him, and then back in. He did that a few more times, and the pain started to ebb away into that dull pleasure Kanon had been feeling before. He made eye-contact with Teruki, which seemed to tell the drummer he was ready for more. Teruki gripped his hips, adjusted his angle, and drove back in. A sheen of white light exploded before Kanon’s eyes, and he let out a moan. He understood why Miku always let him be seme; that feeling was amazing! “Again,” he chanced saying, his voice pleading and seductive to his own ears.

Teruki did as he was requested, and he repeated it a few more times, in fact. Kanon could hardly contain himself, and each time Teruki touched his sweet spot he gasped and writhed. Suddenly he felt lips against his, and opened his eyes to see Miku. The vocalist’s lips traveled down his neck, and he breathed, “It is so sexy to see you like this.”

Kanon realized that while one of Miku’s hands was holding tightly to his, the other one was tugging at his own weeping member, so aroused was he by the things going on in front of him. “Miku,” Kanon gasped out, unable to form a coherent sentence.

Teruki pulled out of him then, much to his disappointment. “Okay, you’re ready, he said, looking slightly overwhelmed. “We need to wrap this up soon. I can barely take it anymore.”

Kanon nodded. He felt the same, and his dick hurt so much that he wished Teruki had just had his way with him and taken him hard. “What do you have in mind anyway, Teruki-kun?”

Teruki smiled between the both of them, and then ordered Miku to lie on his back. He turned to Kanon. “Now take him.”

Kanon blinked a couple of times. “Take him? Just like that?”

Teruki nodded. Miku suddenly gasped. “Ohhh, I get it! Wow, Teruki, I didn’t know you were into such kinky stuff! Come on, Kanon, bring it!”

“What are you talking about?” Kanon asked, puzzlement painted across his face.

Miku sat up, and cupped the back of his neck. “Just take me,” he hissed before giving him a brief kiss.

Kanon couldn’t refuse that. He pressed Miku’s thighs to his chest, and accepted the lube from Teruki so he could lather himself with it before pushing inside his lover. Miku groaned his name, and threw his head back. He was always so beautiful to watch, and it was easy for Kanon to take him into his arms and start a rhythm going. He felt as though he’d waited an eternity to do what they were finally doing. Miku wrapped his legs around his waist so he was able to press even closer to him, giving him distracted kisses.

They had barely gotten started when he felt Teruki’s hand on the small of his back. “Are you ready, Kanon-kun?” He said softly.

Kanon understood then, and he was filled with nervous excitement. “S-sure,” he stammered, still distracted by the compliant body writhing beneath him.

“Then you need to stop moving for a moment.”

Kanon did as he was told, and Miku opened his eyes, trying to peer around Kanon’s shoulder so he could watch Teruki. Kanon couldn’t see, but he spread his legs a little so the drummer had better access, and in the next moment he felt himself being penetrated. It was somewhat less painful, but he wasn’t sure if it was because he’d already been properly prepared or because he was in a different position. Teruki pushed in further until he was in all the way, and then he wriggled a bit, pulled out, pushed back in— Kanon saw stars again. He groaned and his head dropped to the crook of Miku’s neck.

“Now let’s finish up,” Teruki gasped out.

He started thrusting erratically into Kanon, who didn’t even have to try to please Miku since Teruki’s violent movements behind him created an impact on Miku, too. He’d never felt so good in all his life; Miku was warm and tight around him, and coupling that with each time Teruki touched his prostate… He thought he was going to go into overload and die from the euphoria of it all.

Miku was the first to reach his limit, though; he was dealing with the force of two people, and as they drove him into the bedspread again and again, he managed to squeeze his hand between his and Kanon’s sweaty torsos so he could grab himself. He moaned and gasped, and a few seconds later managed to groan out Kanon’s name as he came hard. The very moment he tightened around Kanon, Teruki drove in and hit his sweet spot. Kanon had never cried Miku’s name so loudly, and he released, too.

He fell against the other, and they both panted, feeling their hearts pounding quickly together. Teruki wasn’t done yet, though, and Kanon found himself grunting and moaning again as he pounded into him. Soon he became aware of Miku making similar noises because Teruki was causing him to pound into Miku still. It took a few more minutes before Teruki breathed, “I’m almost there…!” He was going so fast by now that Kanon felt like a fool for being unable to stop making noises, but it still felt so good, even to his over sensitized body… Finally Teruki let out a wordless groan and collapsed on top of him.

For awhile the three were motionless. At last Teruki was the first to stir, and he pulled out of Kanon. Kanon left Miku, and rolled over beside him, letting out a deep breath. Miku was already looking sleepy, and turned onto his side so he could snuggle against Kanon. Kanon watched silently as Teruki made for the edge of the bed. “You guys can sleep in here tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He got up from the bed; although Miku was obviously tired, he sat up suddenly and grabbed Teruki’s wrist. “It’s your bed! You’re sleeping here, too. Now turn off the light, and get over here.”

Teruki considered him for a moment, and then smiled and walked the two steps to the light switch. Kanon and Miku pulled the duvet up, and Teruki crawled in next to Miku. Miku yawned and latched onto Kanon’s middle. “Okay, now put your arms around me, too, Teruki. I like to be the center of attention,” he said.

The other two laughed at that. Kanon had his arms securely around Miku, and in a moment he felt Teruki’s hand resting on his waist. They were quiet for awhile until Miku said sleepily, “I think we’ll be okay, guys. Maybe we can even do this sometimes…to remind us…”

Kanon guessed he had dropped off to sleep, but he waited a moment to be sure before he said quietly to Teruki, “I like you Teruki, but let’s not do this again unless it’s a special occasion. I’d rather have Miku to myself…”

He heard Teruki chuckle, and then the drummer said softly, “That’s fine, Kanon-kun. After all, I’m still in love with a certain…guitarist…”

He sounded distinctly sad, and Kanon wasn’t sure what to say next. He realized there was really nothing he could say. After all, Bou’s departure wasn’t just hard on Teruki, it was hard on all of them, and he was still trying to come up with things to tell himself to make it all better. He nuzzled Miku and said a silent prayer that the three of them would be able to find their way without their fourth presence.

OWARI

---

Notes: 1) I really have no idea where all the guys live; I had Teruki and Kanon sharing a flat in this purely for plot purposes.
2) It would have been too awful to have Teruki say Bou's name at the climax, though the thought crossed my mind. T_T
3) That's really my first An Café fanfiction... It's too bad I didn't get the gumption to write any until Bou decided to leave, but I am hoping to write more in the future. Um...I hope you guys liked it in spite of its angst and lack of Bou. I enjoyed writing it. ^^V

Dir en grey/Sadie - Kyo/Mao - Flowers of Pursued Love - 1/11

2007-04-18T18:00:20Z

Title: Flowers of Pursued Love
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Angst/Romance/Smut
Artists: Dir en grey, サディ (Sadie)
Pairings: Kyo x Mao, Toshiya x Kei, ? x Kei
Rating: NC-17 (eventually)
Summary: Crossover. Oh yes, this is a sequel to my two parter: The Two Sides of Fame. Mao's band mates try to hook he and Kyo back up, while Kyo's band mates try to keep them apart.
Notes: Man, I have so many other projects to update, and I have been working on them, they're just all a bunch of unfinished chapters. >_> I found this chapter really easy to complete, though; it is kind of short, but at least you get an update! XP Sorry, I'm on allergy meds and very frustrated today...forgive me.

Part 1

It had been a week since Mao had gone from being almost perky to being completely depressed. He was moping around, spending his free time locked up at home, writing darker lyrics than usual… What Aki found most interesting, though, was how he reacted to Dir en grey’s music, PVs and any mention of Kyo. On the day he chose to find out what was wrong, Tsurugi was listening to Dir en grey’s GAUZE CD when Mao came in to the practice room. He looked over at the stereo, a mixed look came over his visage, and then he stormed out, yelling behind him for Tsurugi to “turn off that garbage.”

Tsurugi paused the music, his mouth wide open in shock. Everyone exchanged worried glances, and Mizuki said, “Since when has Mao-kun thought Dir en grey was garbage?”

“You know what else,” Tsurugi said, looking a little unnerved, “he tore down all those posters of Kyo-san he had in his bedroom. He let me in yesterday just long enough to have some tea, and I saw that.”

“What the hell caused this?” Kei blurted out, looking stunned.

Aki looked between his band mates and said, “You know, as dumb and unbelievable as it sounds… I have to wonder if what Mao told us about he and Kyo was…true.”

There was a brief silence while everyone considered that, and then Tsurugi said, “But that can’t be true…can it?”

“I don’t know, but I think it’s about time Mao-kun tells at least one of us the truth,” said Aki before setting his jaw firmly, and walking out of the room.

He went outside because he assumed that’s where Mao would be hiding. He saw no one, but after standing out there for a minute, thought he could hear a muffled sobbing sound. He followed it around a corner to his right, and sure enough… His heart broke for his friend. Mao was careful not to cry in front of people, but there he was, leaning up against the wall, sobbing into the knees of his jeans. “Oh, Mao,” Aki murmured.

“Go away,” Mao said thickly.

But Aki sat down beside him anyway. “Mao-kun, it isn’t good to hold this stuff inside and not tell anyone. I’m your friend.”

He wasn’t sure that would convince Mao to share, but it seemed he was tired of bottling everything up. He lifted his head, wiped his eyes with his sleeves, and exclaimed, “I would tell you, but I know you guys won’t believe me because you didn’t the first time!”

“You did meet Kyo-san and have sex with him and all of that…didn’t you?” Aki asked, trying to keep disbelief out of his voice.

“Yeah, and then he broke it all off because we’re famous!” Mao burst, thrusting his face back into his knees.

Aki sighed, and pulled the other man against himself for a hug. Mao only cried for a little while longer before he pulled away and wiped his eyes again, looking embarrassed. Aki gave him a reassuring smile. “You’ll be fine. I know he’s your idol, but there are other fish in the sea. There’s somebody out there who thinks you’re amazing, who will love you and treat you with the proper respect.”

“But I don’t want anyone else,” Mao said stubbornly, reminding Aki vaguely of a teenage boy. “I’ve already loved Kyo for a long time, and now that I’ve spent time with him and experienced him, I can’t be with anyone else. I’d rather die alone.”

There was a pause while Aki considered what to say. “Um…but, Mao, you can’t love Kyo-san…”

“Why not?” Mao countered. “Why can’t I fall in love with him from knowing about him, knowing what he stands for? Why can’t one little weekend with him confirm that love?”

Aki wasn’t sure what to think. Could his friend have really fallen in love with his idol? Was there a chance he would suffer for a long time from just spending one weekend with him?

“I know it sounds stupid,” Mao said quietly, apparently understanding Aki’s silence. “But I really think I do love him.”

His eyes sparkled with tears again, and Aki again had the overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. He didn’t know what to think or do… He’d never seen Mao in such a state, and that alone seemed to tell him that maybe he really was in love with the other singer. He gave his friend a smile and stood up. “Why don’t you have a day to yourself, Mao-kun. I’ll go back inside and tell the others that practice is cancelled. Tomorrow is Saturday, though, so we’re going to take you out and have some fun, okay?”

“I don’t want to have any fun,” Mao said, standing as well.

Aki put an arm around his shoulders, giving them a squeeze. “You can’t stop living because of this, Mao.”

But Mao pulled away, casting Aki a glare. “You don’t know anything about it!”

With that, he marched away without so much as a backward glance. Aki sighed and rubbed his forehead before heading back into the studio. Dir en grey was again blaring from the practice room, but this time two more guitars accompanied the song while Tsurugi and Mizuki played along. Kei was sitting at his drum set, texting someone with his phone, and he looked up when Aki reentered. Tsurugi reached over to turn off the stereo, and Mizuki said, “Well?”

Aki shook his head. “Practice is cancelled for today. Mao’s in a right state… He thinks he’s in love with Kyo-san.”

The other three exchanged glances and then Tsurugi said, “Well, obviously that’s ridiculous.”

“Why?” Kei piped, crossing his arms over his chest. “Love is still the greatest mystery on this planet, so how can you presume to know all its secrets?”

Tsurugi blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t, I’m just saying… Well, doesn’t it seem ridiculous? Anyway, we don’t really know if this whole thing with Kyo-san ever even happened. Maybe Mao’s just…”

“Going crazy,” Mizuki supplied, scratching his head thoughtfully.

“He’s not going crazy,” Aki said with a sigh. “He was crying, you guys. I think it really did happen. Of course, there’s one way we can know for sure…”

* * * * *

Mao closed his apartment door, resenting how loud it seemed when it clicked shut. His apartment was a mess, reflecting the state of his heart, reflecting all the turmoil he was feeling. There was a rather hallow feeling in the pit of his stomach, and it was no surprise to him that he wasn’t hungry enough for some lunch—again.

He sighed and made his way over to the futon, flopping down on it and burying his face in the pillow. He was so frustrated with himself for taking the incident with Kyo so hard, but he couldn’t help it. “I know I love him,” he said into the pillow before turning onto his side. “And if fame only produces heartache…well, maybe I don’t want it. Any of it.”

He stared at a spot on the floor, reliving his date with Kyo again in his mind. It was something he was fond of doing, however it hurt him more. He still couldn’t believe it had happened—almost wished that it hadn’t. Kyo had been so kind, and he was so experienced… Their conversations had been fun, and one had even been a deeper subject. Kyo spoke with such conviction about the things he believed in… It had made Mao’s skin tingle. Of course, in the area of tingling skin nothing could make him shiver more than feeling Kyo’s warm breath on his neck while his hands explored every inch of his torso… Kyo was very good at love-making—good enough to make Mao moan and whimper, good enough to make him beg to be taken hard and fast with no regard for the pain…

Mao was very aware of his hand undoing the buckle of his belt, but he pretended not to be. He always felt worse after masturbating with Kyo on his mind, but at the same time, he felt as though his hormones were insane. Just thinking of Kyo for a brief moment, just looking at him for five seconds, and his cock stiffened, begged to be touched.

He reached into his underwear and grabbed himself, letting out a harsh breath as he started to move his hand up and down. His hand was nothing compared to feeling Kyo’s, of course, but he still knew himself, still knew what he liked and how to please himself. He arched into his hand as it moved faster, pausing once or twice just to swipe a thumb over the tip, whimpering from the feeling.

He squeezed his eyes shut, clearly picturing Kyo moving above him, his muscles contorting with each of his thrusts, his eyes ablaze with lust, soft pants leaving his mouth, his sweaty hair sticking to his neck… Mao moaned and went faster, his other hand slipping into his underwear as well, the index finger prodding at his entrance. Kyo was going faster, harder… He bent down to kiss Mao ferociously; Mao surrendered to him, arching up into him, pleading with soft sounds for Kyo to end it before it became too much. Kyo’s mouth moved along his cheek, pausing at his ear to whisper the words he wished so badly he could hear: “I love you.”

Mao turned his face into his pillow as he moaned Kyo’s name, his body going rigid with orgasm. His hand slowed its movements and his breathing slowly returned to normal. At last he pulled his hands out of his pants, and gave another shuddering sob, disgusted with himself for his inability to get over the older man.

* * * * *

The other four members of Sadie stared up at Dir en grey’s recording studio with gawking faces and wide open maws. Kei was the first to speak, stating the obvious: “It’s big.”

The others all nodded, and then Aki said, “Well, we didn’t come all this way for nothing.”

More nodding, but everyone still stayed put. At long last Aki took a step forward, and the other three followed him nervously into the building. It was a very nice studio, too, and they marveled at it. They were in some sort of reception room. A waterfall was positioned against a wall, pouring water into a little stone pool. There were chairs for people to sit in while they waited, and a young man was sitting behind a little desk, twirling a bunch of keys on a keychain. He stood up when they came in, but did not return the smile that Aki gave him. “I’m sorry, but visitors aren’t allowed unless specially permitted by certain people.”

“Then what is the waiting room for?” Asked Tsurugi.

“Please state your name and business,” the man added, glancing between the four of them, his gaze lingering on Mizuki and his exposed belly.

Mizuki raised an annoyed eyebrow at him, but Aki gave another smile and said, “Oh, we’re here to see Kyo-sama of Dir en grey.”

There was a stunted silence during which the man looked between the four of them once more (his gaze again lingering on Mizuki), and then he burst into laughter. He laughed hard, and wouldn’t stop until several minutes had gone by. At long last he grinned at Aki and said, “Are you some kind of idiot!? Kyo-sama does not receive visitors at the studio—everybody knows that! The only time he ever has visitors is when he personally brings them in himself! Look, I’ve turned away millions of fangirls (and fanboys), so what makes you think you’re any better?”

“Well, for one thing, we’re neither fangirls nor fanboys,” Aki said peevishly. “For another thing, I’m sure Kyo-sama will want to see us, since he screwed our friend.”

“I don’t blame him; she’s very pretty,” the man said, his gaze once again flying over to Mizuki.

Mizuki gave an almighty gasp and almost said something, but Kei stepped on his foot and Tsurugi slapped a hand over his mouth. Aki grinned widely. “Oh, you like her, do you? Well, she might like you, too, if you let us go see Kyo-san.”

The man rubbed his chin, looking between them. “I would get in trouble. They like the fans, don’t get me wrong, but they hate it when they try to visit them at the studio. Besides, I’m pretty sure they’re having some important meeting right now…”

“We’re not fans,” Aki burst, though it was true they admired Dir en grey like awed little children. “We’re in the music business, too! Anyway, Mizuki here is a very good kisser.”

Mizuki shot him a glare. The young man smiled at him, though, and then said to Aki, “Fine, you have ten minutes, but she stays here.”

Mizuki’s jaw dropped and he opened his mouth to argue, but again, Kei stomped down on his foot, and Tsurugi clapped a hand over his mouth. “It’s a deal!” He grinned.

He, Kei and Aki hurried through the door to the innards of the studio while Mizuki was left to deal with the young man.

They weren’t really sure where to go, but they didn’t have to look for long. Almost immediately after they went through the door, they saw a conference room to their right. They knew it was a conference room because huge windows that looked into the hallway told them as much. All five members of Dir en grey sat in there, along with three men in suits, and a woman who was seemingly ignoring everyone, though she was writing avidly on a clipboard.

The three just stared into the conference room, looking much like they had when they’d arrived at the studio. One of the men in suits finally took notice of them, and when he did, everyone else in the room turned to look as well. Kei smiled, Aki bowed low, and Tsurugi waved madly. One of the men said something, and then Kaoru got up from his chair and left the conference room.

They knew Kaoru—he was the often stony faced leader of the band, and one of the guitarists. Though he scared most people, they knew he had a dorky side, and sometimes he flaunted it. In fact, it was apparently one of those days, as he was wearing a baggy Gundam shirt, and glasses sat on the bridge of his nose. He shut the door behind him and cleared his throat before saying, “Hi, can I help you?”

“Actually, we need to talk to Kyo-san more than anyone else,” Aki said, bowing deeply with the other two. “But we can wait until you’re done.”

Kaoru sighed. “Well…I guess we are almost done, but what’s this about? Kyo didn’t seem to know you guys either.”

“He wouldn’t because he’s only met our vocalist—Mao,” Aki explained.

Kaoru eyed them scrupulously for a moment, and then it seemed to click and he gasped. “Oh! Oh…okay, well, here’s what you need to do then: you see that first door down the hall on your left? That’s another conference room. Go on in there and we’ll join you when we’re done.”

“Okay,” Aki said with another bow. “Thank you, Kaoru-san.”

“Yes, thank you,” Kei said, bowing as well.

“Your hair looks great, Kaoru-san,” Tsurugi said with a grin and a bow.

Kaoru gave an awkward smile. “Right…thanks. We’ll be in there in a minute. I think there’s a coffee maker and all that, so go ahead and make yourselves at home.”

The three nodded, and watched as he went back into the conference room. They hurried down the hall to the door he had told them about, and found themselves inside what appeared to be a much smaller, much more private conference room. As soon as the door closed they all shrieked like fangirls, and then Tsurugi announced (as though they had no idea), “That was Kaoru-san of Dir en grey!”

Part 2

---

Notes: 1) I had Tsurugi listening to the GAUZE album because I finally bought that one recently and I've concluded that it's ♥.
2) Personally, I see Aki as the father of the band. He certainly seems the most mature, and he seems to want to keep things in line and stuff. Besides, although they're all young men and they like to have fun, this story has angst in it so one of them has to be the serious one! XD
3) I really know nothing about how recording studios function--especially Japanese ones, and especially ones like Dir en grey's. So I just decided to wing it and have fun. ^^V
4) Oh yes, and for the sake of my regular Diru readers who may not know what Sadie look like (nor anything about them, for that matter), here is a link to the best Sadie fansite on the web: 綺麗な嘘.

Dir en grey/Sadie - Kyo/Mao - Flowers of Pursued Love - Prologue

2007-04-16T05:14:48Z

Crossover - Daishi/Kirito - Guilty Pleasure - 1/1

2007-04-12T22:11:17Z

Title: Guilty Pleasure
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Smut
Artists: Kajinaga Daishi, ANGELO
Pairings: Daishi x Kirito
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Crossover. Using another person for pleasure doesn't often leave one feeling good. Kirito POV.
Notes: Well, this is just a little oneshot that came to me in the shower yesterday morning. >_> I've been writing it in between school, work and homework since then. It involves something pretty crazy: seme!Daishi and uke!Kirito. =O

Guilty Pleasure

“Would you like to have sex some time?”

That’s how I said it—as though I was asking him to join me in a cup of tea. I’ve never been so straightforward in my life, and I’ve had my incredibly blunt moments. I mean, I could have at least said it to his face, but he had called to chat, and it chose to come out then. I was sitting on my front porch, watching the sun set, a cigarette perched between two fingers. I was feeling mildly panicky for my random request, but he didn’t have to know that.

“Sex?” He asked at last, his voice surprised; he was obviously checking that he’d heard right.

I could have laughed and told him to come off it, but I was feeling cocky for some reason, so I said boldly, “Yeah, sex. We’re both gay, so why not?” It was a poor excuse if ever there was one.

A long silence filled the other line, as though he were actually considering it. At last he said softly, “Okay, but I do have a term.”

“Sure,” I said.

Another silence, then— “Lida’s the only man to ever dominate me. I prefer to be on top.”

It would have come as a surprise to me if I didn’t know Daishi was hardly the cute, innocent boy a lot of people seemed to think he was. I also knew there was no room in his heart for anyone since he and Lida had broken up. He spoke in a voice detached from emotion; clearly this would be nothing more than a cheap, one night stand.

“That’s fine,” I said at last. “I have a secret fetish for being dominated.” It was the bold-faced truth, though I rarely admitted it to anyone. I couldn’t with my “dictator” image, could I? But I would be lying if I said I didn’t love being the uke.

A moment later we were both hanging up, but it was with a promise to meet again during the week. Of course, we were both very busy, and one week turned into two and a half before I opened the door to my place, allowing him to walk across the threshold. In the end we’d both had to take out our planners and schedule in a time to have our one night stand.

“Do you want any dinner?” I asked as he took off his shoes and left them in front of the door.

He shook his head, but offered no words, so I simply led him back to my bedroom. I had all the lights off, but he flipped the switch and said, “I want to do it with the lights on.”

I gave a simple nod, and then approached the bed, waiting in silence for him to make the first move. As the seme, it was his job to—at least, that’s what I thought. He cleared his throat before closing the space between us, and then his lips were on mine. They were warm and full, and it felt good to feel them outside of a dream world. I’d had my share of naughty fantasies involving my friend, but in the past a certain orange-haired guitarist had always been in the way of them becoming realities.

Daishi let his hands climb up my tee shirt, and he grabbed my cheeks as he kissed more fiercely. I reciprocated, welcoming his tongue into my mouth when he pried my lips apart with it. I grabbed onto the sleeves of his leather jacket, feeling a shiver go up my spine from the texture I loved. He brought his hands back down soon, grabbing the hem of my shirt and lifting it. I helped him pull it off, taking my pants off next when he ordered me to. “Now get on the bed,” he added when I’d removed my underwear as well.

He proceeded in pulling two dark handkerchiefs out of his pockets; perhaps that’s why he had worn such a heavy jacket in the midst of such fine weather. As if to prove that to me, he opened up the jacket to take a vibrator from a larger pocket inside. “Oh,” I said in mild surprise. “You didn’t mention this in your terms.”

“I didn’t have to,” he said with a shrug. “You didn’t give me any terms, so it went unsaid that this is okay. Don’t worry; I wash it after every use.”

That made me shiver unwillingly; there was something undeniably arousing about thinking of Daishi masturbating with a vibrator. Still, I couldn’t help feeling at least a little nervous; I was not expecting this. Perhaps it was just some domineering tiger coming out of Daishi after having been the uke with Lida for so many years… I couldn’t possibly know, and I would never ask about their relationship, but I couldn’t help wondering. “I never said I was worried,” I said smoothly. Whether my nerves were tingling or not, I could still act like a bit of an egoist at times.

“Good,” Daishi said, smiling coyly. “Sit right…here.” He patted a spot on the mattress.

I sat down and leaned back against the headboard. I watched as he tied each of my wrists to the posts at the end of the headboard. That’s what the handkerchiefs were for. “You’re only halfway there,” Daishi said, eyeing my semi-stiff length; a fleeting look of shy disappointment crossed his visage and he added, “I thought you found me more attractive than that…”

It was such a paradox for me to consider Daishi in his dominatrix mode, still suffering from the low self esteem he’d always had. For a moment I was thrown off guard, completely unsure of what to do or say. At long last I raised an eyebrow at him and stated, “We’ve only just started. Show me how sexy you can be.”

That set him right, and with a glowing determination on his face, he removed his jacket before joining me on the bed. He set the vibrator aside for later use, and for a moment my gaze lingered on it. For some reason I didn’t have a vibrator…I think I had lost the one I used to own. I was starting to feel more sexually excited just from the implications the abandoned device brought to our scenario. I forced myself to focus, and spread my legs so Daishi could settle himself between them. He gave me a demure smile so opposite the role he was playing, and then we were kissing again, only this time it was rougher, with no sense of inhibitions. His teeth bruised my lower lip, and I sub-consciously fought against my restraints, wanting to hold him because it felt more natural that way.

Soon he grew bored of our hungry snogging, and I watched him travel down my torso, his tongue and lips teasing my heated flesh. I started panting when he took a nipple between his teeth so he could gnaw on it curiously. “Daishi-kun,” I breathed, hoping to encourage him to go lower. I still wasn’t completely hard yet, but I wanted him to touch me—to do more than that, if he deemed it appropriate.

“Mm, you have to say more than that,” Daishi purred against my chest, surprising me a little.

“Suck me,” I said—another of my more straightforward moments.

He grinned up at me, seemingly pleased with my command. I watched him, unblinking as he moved even lower so that he was kneeling between my legs. He took the base of my cock in his hand, and slipped the crown into his mouth. Already, I felt a burst of pleasure just from having something so warm and wet encasing me like that. I unintentionally struggled against my bonds, and then lifted my hips for better results, accidentally choking him. He pulled back, coughing, and then shook his head at me. “Now, that’s not nice. Be kind to me, Kirito-kun.”

I nodded, and gripped the handkerchiefs as he took me into his mouth again. This time he used one hand to keep me from gagging him. His other hand was busy prodding at my entrance, a single finger finding its way inside, whether it was lubed up or not. My breathing was very heavy by now, and I let out a moan when he did something very interesting with his tongue. He made eye-contact with me and managed a smile; I understood why when he removed his finger from my opening so he could reach for the vibrator. He pulled away only long enough to suck off the object, basically, coating it with saliva so he wouldn’t be hurting me as badly. He was still giving me that would-be innocent smile. “This always gives me good results,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

I wondered for a moment what he meant… Did it always give him personally good results? Or had he engaged in these sort of activities with Lida before? Why did my mind keep going back to his ex anyway? Was I guilty because I was engaging in obscene activities with Daishi? I shook my head to expel such annoying thoughts from it. He eyed me curiously. “Are you okay?”

I shrugged to the best of my ability and said, “I would be if you’d kindly get on with it, Daishi-kun.”

He mad a tutting sound and said, “I think right now it’s Daishi-sama.”

He turned on the vibrator and brought it to my opening, just letting the tip touch the sensitive ring of muscle there. My hips started, and I gripped the handkerchiefs again. I could hold on for a little while, though. I watched stubbornly as he again bent over me, taking my tip into his mouth and sucking hard, again holding my hips with one hand. The vibrator was still teasing my entrance, and it was just not enough. I panted heavily as I watched him; he swirled his tongue around me, at the same time moving the vibrator just a little, causing my hips to jump again. I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Please, Daishi-sama,” I begged, trying to drive myself onto the vibrator, although my bonds were holding me back.

He pulled away to give me another smile. “That’s better.”

I cried out when he let the vibrator in all the way, however slowly he pushed it. I was writhing without even meaning to, feeling the vibrations in such a sensitive place. “Da-Daishi-sama,” I gasped, though I have no idea what I was intending to say.

He continued laving his tongue around my now impossibly hard member; the vibrator went just a little deeper, and when it touched my prostate I moaned loudly, my body jerking violently. He pulled it out a little, and then shoved it back in, touching that most sensitive spot again. If he hadn’t been holding my hips down I would have probably hurt him since he was still giving me a blow job; my back tried to arch, but he wouldn’t let it. He repeated this action with the vibrator, apparently enjoying that I was thrashing about so much. It was becoming too much for me, though, and I tried to tell him so. “Stop, stop,” I panted, making eye-contact with him.

He left the vibrator in its place, but pulled away so he could crawl up my body; we were only inches apart. “You play the uke very well,” he said simply, leaning down to leave a trail of kisses up my neck.

“I like to,” I managed, my eyelids fluttering when his knee bumped the vibrator.

He looked into my eyes again. “I can tell. You told me to stop, but your eyes are saying, Fuck me.” I bit back a moan because there was something unbelievably sexy about hearing him whisper those two words. “Would you like me to fuck you, Kirito-kun?”

As much as I was a convincing uke, I was also a stubborn ass, and I said, “That depends on if you want to fuck me. Your eyes are dark with desire, but you haven’t even taken the initiative.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I haven’t taken the initiative? Kirito, I have you tied to your own bed with a vibrator up your ass.” As he said the last word he purposely wiggled the toy with his knee, and I moaned without meaning to.

“I’m just saying,” I panted, “you seem more intent on screwing me with the vibrator than with your dick. You don’t have it in you to really be the seme, eh?”

For a moment he looked shocked I would dare say such a thing, but then he squared his jaw and gave me a blatant glare. “I’ll let you be the judge,” he growled.

He pulled the vibrator out much too quickly, and I yelped, jerking my hips. He marched out of the room, and I saw the bathroom light flood the hallway, letting me know that’s where he’d gone. “If you’re looking for condoms, they aren’t in there,” I called.

I heard the water running from the sink, and couldn’t help wondering what he was up to. “Fine time to take a bath,” I hollered.

Still, he made no reply. After awhile the water shut off and he came back out; he had washed the vibrator. I raised an eyebrow. “You could have waited until after the sex.”

“No, I’ll wash it again then, too,” he said with a shrug.

I didn’t understand what he was talking about. He set the object on the bed, and then pulled a condom and bottle of lube out of the bedside table, apparently having assumed they’d be there. Next I watched lustfully as he stripped himself of all his clothes, freeing his hopelessly erect length, which was astonishing in girth to me, considering his height. He gave me another coy smile. “Are you surprised?”

I opened and closed my mouth once before saying simply, “Now I see why you prefer to be on top.”

He grinned approvingly, and climbed onto the bed. “It’s not that Lida wouldn’t let me be seme,” he said, his countenance changing rather suddenly. “It’s just that I never wanted to be. I always wanted to feel him inside of me, taking me hard…”

There was a stifling moment of silence while he stared at the bedspread, lost in his memories. I shifted uncomfortably, and then said with quiet conviction, “We don’t have to do this, Daishi.”

He snapped his gaze back up to me, and said incredulously, “What are you talking about? Of course we’re going to do this!”

That seemed to give him new determination, and perhaps new motivation, even. I watched as he rolled the condom over himself and then lubed up, his eyes fluttering shut when he touched himself. I had been teased enough, but watching him was even worse torture. I thought his new look was very attractive on him. He wasn’t an innocent blonde boy anymore (not that he’d ever been innocent), but he was a good-looking man with eyes that were presently glittering with lust when he opened them back up to look at me. Next he slicked the vibrator with lubricant, and then wiped his hands on the blanket. “I have to untie your hands now,” he said.

I couldn’t help wondering why he’d lubed up the vibrator. My spine shivered at the thought of double penetration… “Daishi-sama, what are you intending to use the vibrator for?”

He didn’t answer, concentrating fixedly on the handkerchiefs as he untied them. Finally they were both dropped to the floor, and I rubbed my wrists in an attempt to put circulation back into them. He pressed my thighs to my chest and slid inside me without so much as a warning. I cried out; although I’d already been stretched good enough by the vibrator, I hadn’t been expecting it so it did hurt a little. He put his arms around me and propped himself up on his knees, scooting us forward until my back hit the headboard. He handed me the vibrator. “You’re going to help me with this,” he said.

There was a moment of silence while I considered what he meant, and then it dawned on me. He was going to fuck me, and while he did that I had to fuck him with the vibrator. Considering that he was on his knee steadying himself against me while I was steadied against the headboard, it seemed it could work. “You’re more kinky than I thought,” I stated.

“Just stick it in,” he groaned, his hips starting to jerk as he was overwhelmed with the need to move inside of me.

I put one arm around his waist, and searched around until I found his entrance. “You just want me to shove it—“

“Yes!” He burst. “Now!”

He buried himself deeper in me so I’d have better access; I pushed the vibrator past his opening, and for a moment I thought he was going to start crying because he looked to be in so much pain. After a few seconds it seemed to subside a little and he started moving. I kept my hand in place so that as he moved he would be impaling himself on the vibrator. He moaned and his head fell against my shoulder. I still wasn’t feeling much, though, so I thrust my hips to let them meet with his. He adjusted his position, and when he pushed in again I saw white light bursting in front of my eyes. “Ohhh, Daishi, again,” I moaned.

After that it was just the unadulterated euphoria of the flesh. He pounded into me furiously, feeling double pleasure as the vibrator slid in and out of him. His face was a picture of pure ecstasy, and it only served to drive me closer to the edge as I went into sensory overload from everything; he touched my prostate every time, and the friction of our torsos rubbing against my cock was too much. It seemed to me like we’d only just started when I was coming hard all over the both of us. When I tightened around him it must have been too much for him, because he released a mere few seconds after I did. I managed to pull the vibrator out of him and turn it off, tossing it to the side. I was leaning against the headboard, and he was leaning against me, and for awhile we just stayed there, panting. At last he got up, and I watched lazily as he got dressed. “Well,” I said, unsure of how to end the date. “We’ll have to do this again some time.”

He put his jacket on and stuffed the handkerchiefs back into the pockets, then he picked up the vibrator off of the bed. “No, we won’t,” he said stiffly.

He left the room, and I again heard the bathroom water running as he washed the sex toy a second time. When the water shut off it was only a few seconds later that the front door closed. I sighed and made for the shower to wash myself of the semen, sweat and guilt.

OWARI

---

Notes: 1) Obviously I have my issues with letting go of my OTP (Lida x Daishi), so that's why it's very prevalent in this oneshot.
2) It's not really meant to be happy... Just smutty, really. Both are guilty because they're basically using each other for a night of sex and pleasure. That's all.

Dir en grey/Sadie - Kyo/Mao - The Two Sides of Fame - 2/2

2007-04-09T19:02:19Z

Title: The Two Sides of Fame
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Smut/Angst
Bands: Dir en grey, サディ (Sadie)
Pairings: Kyo x Mao
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sex and masturbation
Summary: Kyo teaches Mao some valuable lessons about fame.
Notes: Written for majutsu_soujiko for the the Kyo x "Anyone" Challenge. She purposely wanted me to write something that was left wide open with the hopes I wouldn't be able to resist and I'd have to write a second part. She wins, because I am indeed writing two parts to this one. >_>
Part 1

Part 2

It had been no more than three weeks and five days, and Mao still hadn’t been back to Kyo’s apartment. Technically he had, but every time something had stopped him from going up to the door. Either Kyo’s car wasn’t there, or there was an extra car there, or he just chickened out and ran off before Kyo could look out the window and see him. Of course, the few times he’d gathered the courage to go ring the doorbell, no one had answered. There was only one time someone answered, and before the door opened he dove behind a nearby bush because he felt a sudden rush of panic. Kyo had opened the door and stepped out for a moment, looking around curiously, and even a little suspiciously. He’d shrugged and gone back in, leaving Mao to both heave a sigh of relief, and mentally kick himself for being such a moron.

Still, he thought every day on their encounter. His band mates were noticing a difference in his composure, and they decided to talk about it one morning at practice. He was smiling to himself as he set up the microphone, his mind slipping off into one of its usual daydreams. He felt a tap on his shoulder, so he turned around to find Aki standing there with his arms crossed over his chest; the others were all standing guiltily behind him. “What?” He asked simply.

Aki cleared his throat and glanced back at his band mates before giving Mao a smile. “Well, we just wanted to ask you something, Mao-kun.”

“Did you get laid recently?” Piped Mizuki.

Kei stifled a giggle, so they all started to laugh. Mao glared around at his friends. “No, and even if I did, why would I tell you guys? That’s a private matter!”

“That’s not the question I had in mind,” Aki said, glancing at his band mates once again. “Erm… Actually, we’re wondering if you’ve met someone. You seem really…happy lately, or something. It’s not a bad thing, but we’re just curious about what caused this change.”

“Even if it’s a good change, we like to know these things about you, Mao-kun,” Tsurugi added. “I mean, we’re friends as well as band mates!”

The others nodded in agreement. Mao swallowed, feeling as though he was in the spotlight. He had to tell them, didn’t he? His heart leaped at the thought of finally telling someone about the kiss he’d shared with his idol! However, just then a man came into the practice room and announced, “Mao-san, there’s someone on the phone for you.”

His band mates all exchanged glances that seemed to say distinctly, “We knew it; he’s got a girlfriend!” He sent them all a practiced glare before hurrying out of the room, wondering who was calling him. There was a special little room he could go into so there wouldn’t be a bunch of people around to hear him, so he thanked the man and disappeared inside the phone booth. He picked up the phone and cleared his throat before pressing it to his ear. “Hi, this is Mao.”

“Mao-kun, hey, it’s Kyo.”

Mao felt his heart beat speed up dramatically. “Oh, hey, Kyo-san! How are you?” He smacked himself in the face; what was with the formality?

“I’m actually feeling pretty good today. How are you?”

“Never better!” Another smack to the forehead. “Actually, I was thinking about you a few minutes ago.” Well, it wasn’t a lie…

“That’s ironic because I was thinking about you, too.”

Mao’s heart leapt. “You were?”

“Yep. We were watching some television because we were bored, and your PV came on. We all liked it, and although I didn’t tell any of my band mates of course, I thought you looked pretty damn fine in it.”

Suddenly it felt hot and stifling in the little phone room. Mao tugged at the collar of his shirt, wondering why he was wearing a jacket over it. “You did?”

“I did. So then I kept thinking…well, don’t think little of me for this, Mao-kun, but I kept thinking of all the naughty things I could do to you.”

Rather than thinking little of Kyo, Mao was thinking of his rumored big dick, and how it would feel if he— “Oh, Kyo-san,” he half whispered, sitting down on the single chair that was in the small room.

Kyo laughed on the other end; he sounded a little nervous. “Yeah…but I probably shouldn’t have said that. It’s a little inappropriate, isn’t it? Anyway, I couldn’t wait for you to come by since you haven’t… And I was wondering if I scared you off or something?”

Mao shook his head, very wary of the fact that his free hand was undoing his belt in order to get inside his pants and grip his hardening length. It was easy enough to masturbate while watching Dir en grey lives or PVs, but with Kyo’s voice sounding so sultry and sexy on the other end of a phone line? Well, that was even worse.

“Mao-kun? You still there?”

Mao started, realizing Kyo couldn’t see him shake his head. “Oh! Kyo-san, no, of course you didn’t scare me off. I just don’t want to impose…I never know when you’re busy and when you aren’t.” He wrapped his fingers around his shaft and started to slowly move his hand up and down.

“Ah, I see. That does make sense…I’m really busy most of the time. I’m not busy this weekend, though, so would you want to come over on Friday night? I could come pick you up, too, if that makes things easier.”

Mao’s breathing was starting to intensify. He swallowed, wondering why he was jerking himself off while on the phone with the other man… After all, he still had to talk or it wouldn’t be a phone conversation. “Tha-that would be great,” he said breathlessly.

“Is everything okay?”

Mao’s hand was moving faster, whether he wanted it to or not. He was already getting close thanks to the power of his imagination, so it would be impossible to stop. “I’m fine,” he said, his voice a little more high-pitched than normal. Unfortunately, at that moment he made a squeaking sound in an attempt to keep himself from moaning.

“Mao-kun, what are you doing?” The tone of Kyo’s voice was stern, as though daring Mao not to answer or to tell a lie.

Mao wondered what would happen if he told the truth… He decided not to consider the consequences and said blatantly, “Jerking off.”

There was a moment of stunned silence, during which Mao nearly dropped the phone as he leaned his head back against the wall. At last Kyo’s voice filled his ear again: “Then let me hear you moan.”

He did moan; he couldn’t help it after hearing Kyo’s husky voice on the other end. “I-I had to,” he panted. “Your voice—“ He groaned; his hips were starting to move, meeting with his hand. Rather, it was Kyo’s hand, in the scenario he imagined…

“Mm,” Kyo said. “Is it my hand on your cock, Mao-kun?”

“Nn—hai,” Mao breathed out.

“Then I’m stroking you faster. I want to hear you nice and loud when you come…and I want to hear my name.”

Mao was so close… He did move his hand faster, ignoring the cramp that was forming in his forearm. He could almost really believe Kyo was in the booth with him, bringing him to release. It happened very suddenly after that; with a burst of white light, he was shaken with orgasm, moaning out Kyo’s name loudly, without concern of what a passerby might think.

The phone fell to the floor, and he scrambled to pick it up. “Kyo-san,” he said simply, unsure of what else there was to say.

“I’ll pick you up at seven on Friday night,” Kyo said softly.

There was a click from the other man hanging up, and then Mao set the phone back on the receiver. He grinned and grabbed a tissue from a nearby box, hurriedly wiping off his hand and dick, and cleaning up whatever had fallen on the floor. When he left the phone booth his band mates were more curious than ever, but he refused to say anything to them. He almost told them in an impetuous fit of glee, but changed his mind. He would ask Kyo when he saw him Friday night. After all, if they were going to start a relationship or something, they would talk about it then… He almost squeaked with excitement. Him in a relationship with Kyo! It was like his most wildest dream come true!

* * * * *

Friday night Mao was practically on pins and needles as he waited for Kyo to arrive. When he finally felt he was dressed okay, he sat himself in front of the window and peeked out between the curtains, watching for Kyo’s car. When seven came and went he began to panic; would Kyo actually stand him up? Of course, it was only five minutes later that the car pulled up, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He darted out the door just as Kyo stepped out of the car. He removed his sunglasses (the sun was setting), and gave Mao a curious expression. “I’m sorry, were you waiting long?”

Mao shook his head and gave Kyo a grin. “No, I just thought I should be ready.”

Kyo smiled and they both got inside the car. As Kyo headed onto the road, Mao looked over at him. He looked really good in his usual pair of tight jeans, and a small tee shirt. Mao found his gaze traveling over to the older man’s bicep, which was flexing as he turned the steering wheel. “You look amazing, Kyo-san,” he said.

Kyo looked over at him, sunglasses back in place. “So do you, Mao-kun.”

They were quiet the rest of the way, but the sexual tension in the car was so thick, Mao could feel it.

When they arrived at Kyo’s apartment, he took off his shoes, set his keys and sunglasses on an end table, and then faced Mao with his hands in his pockets. “Well, what do you want to do? I can make some dinner or we can watch a movie or we can go out somewhere, if you like.”

Mao knew what he wanted to do, and he had a feeling Kyo wanted to do it, too. As soon as he’d taken his shoes off he practically pounced on Kyo, flinging his arms around his neck and kissing him hard on the mouth. Kyo was certainly taken by surprise, but he recovered from the shock quickly, his hands coming out of his pockets so they could grab Mao’s waist. He kissed back hungrily, walking in the general direction of the couch, though they ended up falling in a heap on the floor instead of the couch. Mao had been wearing a hat, but it went flying off when they hit the floor, and that was fine with him. He wouldn’t need it anyway…

“Are you sure you want to do this, Mao-kun?” Kyo asked, though he didn’t seem prepared to stop; even as he spoke, his mouth was moving teasingly over Mao’s neck.

“God, yes,” Mao insisted. “I can’t tell you how many dreams I’ve had, or even how many times I’ve fantasized…” He pushed himself up on his elbows all of a sudden. “You know, I don’t think fame can be all that bad, Kyo-san. If we weren’t famous enough to have our PV on television, you wouldn’t have seen it the other day, and you might not have called. Then who knows what we’d both be doing tonight instead of this!”

Kyo shrugged, giving Mao a thoughtful look. “That’s true… But there are still two sides to fame—a good one, and a bad one. Don’t forget that, Mao-kun.”

Mao grinned and pulled his shirt off before laying back down all the way, wrapping his arms around Kyo’s neck. “For now I’d like to forget it…”

Kyo had no objections. He resumed kissing Mao, but only very briefly before his lips were ghosting over his neck again. Mao tilted his head back to give him better access; a soft purr of approval left his throat when Kyo sucked fiercely on a particularly sensitive spot. He would have a hickey from that, and excitement rippled up his spine from that thought. Imagine, waking up the next morning to see a red love bite from Kyo! He chuckled, and Kyo broke the suction to look up at him curiously. “Oh, nothing,” Mao said. “I’m just happy, that’s all.”

Kyo smiled and bent his head again, his tongue dancing down Mao’s neck to swirl around a nipple. Mao arched his back when the nub was taken into Kyo’s mouth, and he nibbled on it a bit. “That feels good,” he said.

“Mm,” Kyo hummed, sucking on the nipple.

Mao arched up again; his breathing was growing a little more harsh. Kyo knew just what to do with his mouth to render him helpless before him. Soon his other nipple was given attention, and then Kyo moved lower, kissing his navel before he sat up. “I could give you a blowjob,” he said thoughtfully, “but I think you’d like to feel my hand really stroking you.”

Mao blushed deeply; he was obviously referring to what had happened the other day while they were on the phone. He nodded, and aided Kyo in removing his pants and underwear. Kyo looked him over before he gave him a smile and kissed him once more. At the same time, Mao felt a foreign hand on his semi-stiff length, and he moaned instantly just because he knew it really was Kyo’s. After so many fantasies, he was finally feeling the real thing, and that alone sent him into a whirlwind of pleasure. “Nn, Kyo-sama,” he managed against Kyo’s lips.

“Kyo-san, Mao-kun,” Kyo corrected; his mouth moved once more to Mao’s neck while his hand continued to move up and down over his shaft, pausing occasionally so he could flick his thumb over the slit.

Mao was embarrassed at how little time it took before he was groaning Kyo’s name and dirtying his palm. He watched through half-lidded eyes as Kyo got up and found a box of tissues so he could clean off his hand. After that, Mao saw something he would never be able to forget. Kyo discarded the tissue and crossed his arms over his chest, removing his shirt and flicking it aside carelessly. He undid his belt, and took his pants off, kicking them to the side as well. In another moment his underwear joined the other abandoned clothing, and he returned to the floor. Mao was almost in a daze; he had just watched Kyo strip. Now he was seeing his hard cock, and it was as big as the rumors said. “Kyo-san,” he murmured, though he didn’t know what else to say after that.

Kyo looked at him, eyes darkened with lust. “Can you please me, Mao-kun?”

Mao swallowed and sat up, nodding eagerly. They switched positions so that Kyo was lying down on his back, and Mao was between his legs. He gave Kyo what he hoped was a coy glance, and then bent over his member, taking it into his mouth. He got no initial reaction, so he decided to experiment, see what his idol liked. He first swirled his tongue around the tip, watching Kyo carefully. Kyo was pushing himself up on his elbows, apparently intent on watching Mao. They made eye-contact and Mao smiled around his mouthful before grabbing the shift with his hand, and removing it from his mouth so he could lick it all over. His eyes were still on Kyo’s, and this act seemed to at least turn him on more, for he groaned and started breathing more heavily.

Mao smiled again and kissed the tip of his dick before taking just that little bit into his mouth, then sucking hard. He still watched Kyo, and was pleased to see that this made him break eye-contact, throwing his head back, his mouth contorted into a silent moan. He looked back at Mao, his eyes glazed with desire. Mao took his cock further into his mouth and sucked again. Kyo groaned and gasped out, “Please, Mao-kun—“

Mao obliged him, moving his mouth up and down the hardened length, still trying to watch Kyo when it was convenient. The older man was obviously enjoying this by now, as he couldn’t even keep his eyes open anymore. He whispered, “That’s good, Mao-kun,” and Mao grinned in satisfaction.

Kyo sat up, so Mao did as well, wiping off his mouth, and briefly massaging his jaw. “Did I please you?” He asked.

Kyo smiled and nodded. “Yes, you did. I think we should move on now, if that’s okay.”

Mao watched as Kyo went down a hallway and returned shortly after with a bottle of lotion and a condom. “I don’t entertain men a lot,” he admitted, “so I don’t have any lube. Lotion will make it easier, though.”

Mao nodded and got on his hands and knees. He felt Kyo take his place behind him, and soon the smell of the lotion hit his nostrils as Kyo spread some over his fingers. Next he was feeling one long digit pushing past his entrance. He tried not to tense up, and reminded himself that the finger belonged to Kyo. It was Kyo he was about to have sex with, and he would be damned if he was going to back down because of a little pain.

Soon a second and third finger joined the first one, and Mao found himself panting as he adjusted to the feeling. The fingers probed around, suddenly touching something deep within that made Mao moan and jerk his hips. Kyo pulled his fingers out and said, “I think that’s good. Are you ready?”

Mao nodded, looking over his shoulder as Kyo put on the condom and spread lotion over his sheathed length. He gave Mao a reassuring glance before grabbing his hips and burying himself all the way. Mao groaned and rested his cheek against the carpet. Kyo was kind, and remained motionless for a moment, allowing him time to get used to the feeling. Mao gave him the hint to start moving when he pushed back against him. Kyo understood, and slowly pulled out, then pushed back in. He went faster the next time, and faster still the next. Mao was starting to feel dull pleasure as the older man’s cock slid in and out of him. “Harder, Kyo-san,” he breathed.

Kyo didn’t drive in harder yet, but he did readjust his angle. The next time he thrust in, stars burst behind Mao’s eyelids and he moaned out Kyo’s name, his hips jerking of their own accord. “Again,” he gasped out.

Kyo began to move faster and harder, hitting Mao’s prostate each time he did. Mao couldn’t stop whimpering, moaning Kyo’s name in between cries of approval. He felt Kyo leaning on his back, and then lips were kissing his shoulder. One of Kyo’s hands was still holding tightly to Mao’s hip, fingernails digging painfully into the soft flesh. The other hand found his semi-stiff member and began pumping it in time to his thrusts—which is to say, very erratically because both were so close to the edge.

Mao couldn’t stop the heavy stream of Kyo’s leaving his mouth as he rushed up on orgasm, and finally he spilled his seed over the carpet, collapsing weakly after he did. Kyo wasn’t finished, though, and he let go of Mao’s dick, once again holding his hips with both hands as he straightened up and moved faster. Mao still gasped and moaned from the feeling, though he was totally spent; at last, Kyo gasped out, “I’m coming…ah, Mao-kun!”

Mao couldn’t feel it because of the restrictions of the condom, but he guessed Kyo had released when the other fell on top of him. He pulled out of him after a moment, and Mao was finally able to sit up again, though he felt pain in his rear when he did so. He was surprised when Kyo immediately pulled him against himself for a hug. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I made you bleed. Why don’t you take a bath to wash it off?”

Mao felt between his legs, and looked at his finger; sure enough, there was blood there, but he hadn’t noticed. “Whatever!” He said to Kyo, pulling away so he could look at him. “I don’t care about a little blood! That was the most amazing experience of my life!”

Kyo smiled, but stood up, grabbing Mao’s hand and helping him stand as well. “Thank you. Even so, I want you to take a bath. I’ll make some dinner and we can watch a movie. Then we can go to my bedroom and see what happens next.”

Mao felt a curious blush, but he grinned and nodded in consent.

* * * * *

Mao couldn’t have been happier when he returned to practice on Monday morning! After their dinner and movie, he and Kyo had engaged in two more rounds of sex on the bed. Then he’d spent half of Saturday with him; they had gone to a park to look at the cherry blossoms, and then they’d had sushi for lunch. They’d finished with more sex, that time in the back of Kyo’s car. Kyo had brought him home with a promise to call him again sometime during the week.

Simply put, Mao was practically glowing! His band mates noticed, of course, and this time they were insistent that he tell them what was going on. “Is she pretty?” Kei queried, giving Mao a prodding smile.

“Or is she a he?” Tsurugi asked, quirking an eyebrow. “Don’t think we haven’t noticed how carefully you’ve been sitting down.”

“Or those bruises on your hips when you took off your hoodie and unintentionally lifted up your shirt a little,” Mizuki added.

“We’re onto you, is the point we’re trying to make!” Aki exclaimed. “So spill, Mao-kun!”

Mao looked around at his band mates with their arms crossed over their chests, all towering over on little him. He grinned widely and announced, “Okay, you got me, but you’ll never believe me even if I tell you, so I’m going to tell you anyway! I had the best date this weekend, and it was with Kyo-sama, and we had sex more than once!”

There was a brief silence before all four of them started laughing, turning back to their instruments. “Okay,” Aki said, still chuckling, “if you don’t want to tell us, then fine…”

The same man from the other day opened the door just then, and said, “Phone call, Mao-san.”

Mao grinned at his band mates. “I’ll bet that’s him right now!”

More laughter. Mao ignored it as he left the room, retreating to the little phone booth again. “Hello?” He said into the receiver.

At first there was silence. After a moment, though, Kyo’s voice came in. “Hi, Mao-kun.”

“Hi! I didn’t think you’d call me so soon! What’s up?”

“I didn’t call to talk about pleasantries,” Kyo said quietly.

Mao heard the note of warning in his voice, and he felt his heart hammer against his rib cage. “What’s wrong?”

“Sit down, Mao-kun.”

Mao did as he was told. “I’m sitting down.”

Kyo sighed on the other end, and finally said what he’d apparently called to say. “I hate to say this to you, especially after all that wonderful time we spent together. I talked to my band mates, though, and the truth of it is that we…really can’t have…I mean…I guess to put it bluntly: I’m dumping you.”

Mao’s heart constricted painfully in his chest, and he swallowed a large knot that had automatically formed in his throat. “Why?” He choked out.

“Because we’re both famous.” It came out almost as a whisper. “I’m sorry, Mao-kun. I never meant for this to happen, but that’s the boldfaced truth of it.”

“But—but, Kyo-san—“

“I told you there was a bad side to fame.”

With that Mao heard a click, which told him that Kyo had hung up. He shakily set the phone down, and drew his knees up to his chest, planting his face into them. He knew it was all too good to be true.

When he returned to the practice room, the others could see an obvious change in his countenance, but none of them seemed to want to say something. He walked up to his microphone. “Let’s run through ‘Flowers of pursued love,’” he said softly.

The others all exchanged glances. Aki cleared his throat. “What’s wrong, Mao-kun?”

“Fame is wrong,” Mao said, and he didn’t offer any further explanation. They started into the song he’d chosen, and he sang it with more conviction than they’d ever seen. They never asked again what had happened.

Even when we parted you secretly left a part of your kindness behind
My eyelids still soak

OWARI

Go on to the sequel: Flowers of Pursued Love.

---

Notes: 1) Go check out the 迷彩 (Meisai) PV! I love it. =3
2) The lyrics from "Flowers of pursued love" are courtesy 綺麗な嘘 ~ kirei na uso.
3) I hope you liked it, majutsu_soujiko, dear. It broke my heart to write the end, but since that's what you wanted, that's what you got. T_T

Dir en grey/Sadie - Kyo/Mao - The Two Sides of Fame - 1/2

2007-04-07T17:29:11Z

Title: The Two Sides of Fame
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Smut/Angst
Bands: Dir en grey, サディ (Sadie)
Pairings: Kyo x Mao
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None for this chapter
Summary: Kyo teaches Mao some valuable lessons about fame.
Notes: Written for majutsu_soujiko for the the Kyo x "Anyone" Challenge. She purposely wanted me to write something that was left wide open with the hopes I wouldn't be able to resist and I'd have to write a second part. She wins, because I am indeed writing two parts to this one. >_>

Part 1

Sushi had always been a favorite food of Mao’s, so it was no surprise that he had decided to step into an obscure sushi shop during the lunch break. He’d asked the others if any of them wanted to come, but Tsurugi, Aki and Kei had all brought lunches, and Mizuki looked repulsed at the thought of setting foot inside a place that served fish, so it was just Mao.

He placed his order, and then stood back in a corner as he waited for it to be prepared. There were quite a few people in line before him, so he figured he’d be standing there for awhile. He liked standing in corners, looking mysterious while being careful not to make eye-contact with people. Already he could feel the eyes of a young woman on him, and it caused him to smirk to himself.

A little bell sounded, announcing that someone was entering the shop. Mao looked up, intending to give the newcomer the briefest of glances before looking away again; however, he recognized the man who walked in, and his jaw dropped open in spite of himself. It was none other than his biggest hero and inspiration, Kyo of the band, Dir en grey. He couldn’t help but stare as he walked up to the counter and quietly told the lady what he wanted. He looked as cool as ever in a leather jacket and sunglasses… Mao couldn’t even believe he was standing right there.

Upon ordering, Kyo stepped off to the side, but as he did he glanced over at Mao. Mao quickly looked down, fighting off a sudden blush at having been caught staring. When he looked back up he saw that Kyo was giving him a double take, so he looked down again. Still, out of the corner of his eye, he could see the older man moving closer to him. He fidgeted with a chain coming off of his belt, but otherwise didn’t move. Kyo stopped right in front of him. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I was looking at a mirror of my younger self.”

That caused Mao to blush once again, and he simply had to look up. Kyo was just as tall as him, and he was standing not more than half a meter away. “Hi,” he said, mentally smacking himself for sounding so stupid.

Kyo cocked his head, but it was impossible to read what he might be thinking since he was wearing those damned sunglasses. “In fact, I think I’ve seen you before…”

“I’m in a visual band,” Mao blurted. “I’m the vocalist, like you. My name is Mao.” He bowed, still feeling basically like the stupidest person alive.

“Ah yes…Sadie, right?”

Mao’s heart leapt. “Yes!” He grinned. “I can’t believe you’ve heard of us!”

Kyo shrugged, but didn’t reply; at that moment the lady behind the counter called out, “Nishimura,” and he turned around, taking his food from her with a bow. “I frequent this place a lot so they usually let me jump the line,” he explained to Mao when he faced him again.

Mao nodded, disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to talk with his idol longer. “Can—I don’t suppose…well, could—could I get your autograph?”

To his surprise, Kyo sat down at a table nearby and opened up his to-go box there. He motioned to the seat across from himself, so Mao eagerly sat there. He felt like a fangirl or something as he watched Kyo set about eating his food, but he really couldn’t help himself. From the very first time he’d seen a Dir en grey PV he’d known he wanted to be just like Kyo. He dressed like him, he sang like him, he talked like him… It wasn’t that he wanted to be a copycat, it was just that he thought Kyo was the model rock star, and he believed he would have to be crazy not to want to be as much like Kyo as possible…

“I’m Kyo, by the way,” Kyo said suddenly, as though just remembering something. He bowed as well as he could while sitting, and then resumed eating.

Mao couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well, I know that, of course,” he said. “Everyone knows who you are, Kyo-sama.”

“Mm,” Kyo said.

Silence fell on them. Mao twiddled his thumbs nervously, still watching Kyo eat. The other didn’t look back up at him, so he had to wonder if he’d said something offensive. “I-I didn’t mean to be rude,” he said. “It’s just…well, I didn’t expect you to introduce yourself because it’s obvious that I know who you are…”

Kyo reached up then, and removed his sunglasses so he could look Mao in the eye. Mao couldn’t help the look of surprise that came over his visage when he saw how red-rimmed and bloodshot they were. “I understand that, and I’m sorry to be curt, but I’d rather you didn’t treat me like I’m a god.”

He went back to his lunch. Mao swallowed; this was not at all what he’d imagined an encounter with Kyo to be like. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly, “it’s just…to me you are a god.”

“Then get that notion out of your head right now,” Kyo snapped. “Gods are perfect, and I’m anything but.”

Mao wanted to argue more, but then he realized it was probably a lost cause. He nodded and slowly stood up from his chair; it seemed Kyo had no interest in talking to his biggest fan. “Okay, well… It was amazing to meet you, Kyo-sama. A dream come true.” He laughed lightly, but stopped quickly when Kyo didn’t even look up.

A couple of minutes later his order was called, and when he turned back to the dining area he saw that Kyo was gone.

* * * * *

Mao was aware of his band mates’ stares and whispers as they packed up at the end of the day. He hadn’t told anyone about his encounter, which was completely unfair to him. He’d always imagined that if he ever met Kyo, he would be telling anyone who would listen. He wasn’t very enthused, though, about telling everyone how his greatest inspiration had treated him like dirt. He quelled the tears that formed in his eyes, harvested from both anger and disappointment, and blinked furiously, concentrating on wrapping up the microphone cord.

“So…what’s wrong, Mao-kun?” Aki finally said, getting straight to the point; the others were all watching carefully.

“If there was something wrong that I wanted to tell you about, I would have told you already,” Mao said coolly.

Everyone was quiet. Aki took a step closer, setting his hand on Mao’s shoulder. “There’s no reason to be a prick. We’re just worried, that’s all.”

Mao glared at a spot on the floor. “Yes, but I try to be like Kyo-sama, don’t I? And he’s a total prick to people for no reason, so now I have to act that way. I’ll see you guys later,” he spat, dropping the microphone to the floor, picking up his bag, and marching out.

He felt terrible; he wasn’t a mean person, and he’d certainly never been mean for no reason—especially not to Aki, of all people! He sat down on the steps outside of the studio, content to either wait there for his band mates so he could apologize, or simply stay there for the rest of his life to rot. He couldn’t help it, though; he’d met his idol, the reason behind everything he said and did, and the man had been nothing less than an asshole to him. It was disheartening; it made him deeply consider changing his whole look so that no one could compare him to Kyo.

A car pulled up at that moment, though Mao was content to ignore it. It was probably a ride for one of his band mates anyway, and he’d always been good at ignoring things and people that had nothing to do with him.

The passenger window rolled down and a voice called, “Oi, Mao-kun.”

He looked up because he recognized that voice; sure enough, it was Kyo who sat behind the wheel. “Yes?” He asked stiffly, unsure of how to react.

“Hop in,” Kyo said.

He offered no further explanation, but Mao got up and got inside anyway, mentally cursing himself for being such a goddamn pushover. He dropped his bag by his feet, and buckled up before crossing his arms over his chest like an adolescent, his gazed turned outside. Not that the view was much of anything; Tokyo had recently been under the depressing reign of clouds, fog and cold drizzle for the last few days. The greyness of the outdoors only made him feel more upset, if anything.

“I owe you an apology,” Kyo said, and Mao quickly snapped his head over to him. He was staring straight ahead, apparently too embarrassed to make eye contact with Mao. “I was unbelievably rude back in the sushi shop…I tend to be a jerk when I’m in a bad mood, but just because I’m having a bad week, that doesn’t give me license to treat a fan like shit. I’m sorry for that.”

Mao felt a strange blush permeate his cheeks, and he mentally cursed himself for ever doubting his role model. “Oh, it’s all right, Kyo-sama, I understand. I have bad days all the time, and—“

“Please don’t call me that, though,” Kyo sighed. “This might come as a shock to you, considering how great you think I am, but I don’t think I’m all that.”

Mao nodded. “Kyo-san?” He asked.

Kyo gave a nod. “That’s fine.”

Mao fidgeted with the chain on his belt again, watching Kyo even if it was rude. “Kyo-san…I don’t mean to impose, and if I’m out of line just push me back into line, but…why are your eyes so…I mean, it looks like you’ve been—“

“Crying?” Kyo jumped in, sending a smirk over at Mao; he was no longer wearing the sunglasses, which was probably good because it was getting dark outside. “I was. I got into a huge argument with my dad this morning over the phone, and then I called up Kaoru-kun to talk about it, but he was busy and snappy so I ended up yelling at him, and he yelled back, and then I got pissed off and left to get sushi.” He stopped to sigh. “We’re all really stressed out right now, and the whole week’s just been hell.”

Mao nodded. “Oh. I’m very sorry, Kyo-san.”

Kyo shrugged. “That’s life.” He looked pointedly at Mao as they came to a stop at a red light. “Make sure you’re ready to become famous. It’s easy to accept the money, the girls, the legions of fans screaming your name at a concert… But what people forget about are the hard things. The entire world is watching you so if you screw up…everyone’s going to see it. And you know, I used to be able to go shopping without getting mobbed.” He snorted. “It’s funny how you can take such simple things for granted.”

Mao shrugged. “Yes, but this is what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? It must still make you feel amazing.”

Kyo shook his head. “Yeah, because it feels amazing to have a herd of teenage girls chasing after you, calling you ‘kawaii’ all the time. I always wanted to be a rock star, Mao-kun, but not so I could be famous. I just wanted to speak to people.”

“And you have!” Mao blurted, grabbing Kyo’s arm for emphasis, not stopping to consider if he was allowed to do that or not. “You speak to everyone with your lyrics and your stage presence, Kyo-san! That’s why I want to be like you. Sure, I think you dress cool, and I love the way you sing, but how I really want to be most like you is with my voice. I want to speak to people the way you do.”

Kyo looked over at him with a genuine smile. “Mao-kun…would you like to come over for some tea?”

Mao blushed and let go of Kyo’s arm, looking back out the window. “Well, since we’re far away from my place now, then sure, why not?”

Kyo chuckled. “Good. I hope you like tea okay because I’m out of booze.”

Mao laughed with him, glad they were getting along.

* * * * *

Kyo’s apartment was much nicer than Mao’s, but it was easy to feel at home there. It didn’t look as though a tornado had hit it, but it was still a little messy. There was a guitar taking up residence on the kitchen counter, the sink was full of dirty dishes, ash trays overflowing with cigarette butts littered several surfaces, a GameCube was sitting in the middle of the living room with its controller resting on the couch, and a couple of Kuroyume and Star Wars posters decorated the walls.

It turned out Kyo at least knew how to make authentic green tea, so shortly after arriving, the two were sitting on the couch with tea mugs and cigarettes. Kyo finally looked a little more relaxed since he was sitting at his own place, sucking some nicotine into his system. Mao tried to look relaxed, too, but he was feeling a little wound up just from the thought that he was sitting in Kyo’s apartment! It was so surreal to him, especially after the way he’d been treated at the sushi shop.

“I had to beg Kiyoharu-sama to sign that poster for me,” he said suddenly, pointing to one of the Kuroyume posters. “He said I didn’t need a signed poster from him because we were friends.” He chuckled, and looked at Mao. “I treated him a lot like you treat me.”

Mao felt his cheeks redden, and he shrugged, but didn’t know what to say to that so he brought his mug to his lips. Kyo continued to give him that strange smile. “Honestly, I like you, Mao-kun. Usually I’m terrified to meet fanboys, but you’re not like the rest of them.”

“I’m not a fanboy!” Mao blurted, unable to stop himself. “I-I just admire you, I mean.”

Kyo shrugged and took a drag from his cigarette before continuing. “Even so. You’re the most respectful admirer of me that I’ve met in Japan. You wouldn’t believe how glad I am that you didn’t flip out and tackle me in the sushi shop.” He shook his head, looking disgruntled all of a sudden. “Believe it or not, it has happened before. One minute I’m standing there, minding my own business, and the next, I’m being thrown to the floor by six or seven fangirls.”

Mao couldn’t help laughing at that! He set down his mug so he could cover his mouth with that hand. “I’m sorry, that’s just such a funny mental image, Kyo-san!”

“Why do you hide your smile like that?” Kyo asked in a would-be casual tone.

Mao shrugged, moving his hand so Kyo could see his lingering smile. “I don’t actually know…”

“I hope it’s not in an attempt to be more like me, because I do smile sometimes.” To prove his point, Kyo flashed him a random, crooked-toothed grin.

That caused Mao to laugh as well, and he covered his mouth again. “Gomen nasai!”

Kyo set his tea aside, and stubbed his cigarette in the nearest ashtray before scooting closer to Mao. He gently grabbed his wrist and moved his hand away from his mouth, but then he did something that Mao was certainly not expecting. Suddenly he felt Kyo’s lips pressing against his, moving slowly and languidly. His eyes slipped shut and he kissed back, bringing one hand up to cup the back of Kyo’s neck while the other still held limply to his cigarette.

Kyo set one hand on Mao’s hip bone, and used the other to pluck the cigarette away from him, leaning forward to set it in an ashtray, at the same time pinning Mao against the couch cushions. They continued kissing, and Mao let out a mixture between a gasp and a moan when Kyo ground his hips against him. “Kyo-san, you’re a pervert,” he murmured against his lips.

Kyo laughed at that, and broke the contact, sitting up, but still straddling Mao. “I’m not really, I promise. Well, okay, I write some pretty perverted shit, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, why are you kissing back?”

Mao shrugged. “Because I’ve always had a crush on you. That makes sense, though, doesn’t it? What I don’t understand is why you’re kissing me. And you started it even!”

Kyo shrugged as well. “Maybe because I have a crush on you, too.”

Mao guffawed. “Yeah right! You didn’t even know who I was until a few hours ago!”

“That may be so, but crushes are annoying like that, and they just crop up unexpectedly,” Kyo insisted. Then he got off of Mao. “However, I don’t want to ruin anything here. Would you like more tea before you leave?”

Mao watched Kyo’s back as he picked up the mugs and disappeared into the kitchen. He sat up and cleared his throat. “Erm…no, that’s fine. I’ll just be going.”

He went to the entryway and put his shoes on, smiling because they were identical to Kyo’s, which sat nearby. Kyo came up behind him, so he turned around, smile still in place. “Well, thanks for the tea, Kyo-san.”

Kyo cupped his cheek and kissed him again, giving Mao no other choice but to melt into the other man’s touch. He clenched his fingers into his shirt, kissing back fiercely, hoping to imprint every little feeling into his memory. Kyo pulled away quickly, though; his lips moved to Mao’s ear and he whispered, “Come back some time.”

He took a couple of steps back, shoving his hands into his pocket. Mao smiled, and then walked out of Kyo’s apartment with every intention of coming back.

Part 2

---

Notes: 1) Of course, I have no idea if Mao really aspires to be so like Kyo, but he certainly sends off that vibe.
2) This is for the very annoying majutsu_soujiko, who made sure to be as precise as possible with her request. She wanted there to be as much smut as I felt like dishing out, angst, humor, Kyo acting like a real and relatable human being, Mao being utterly adorable, Kyo mentioning Kiyoharu (I kid you not; she requested that), at least one appearance by the other members of Sadie...and I think that covers it. Anything I didn't grant to her is in the next chapter, of course, but still... *glares at Souji* J/k I love her. ♥

Crossover - Multiple pairings - Abingdon School For Boys - 17/33

2007-04-07T03:20:53Z

Title: Abingdon School For Boys
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Smut/Fun?
Artists: abingdon boys school, Dir en grey, Gackt, Miyavi, Ayumi Hamasaki
Pairings: Multiple
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sexual content (including hand jobs, blow jobs, conversation, etc) between minors, shota (adult x teen in this case), language, possibly more as I go along
Summary: AU Crossover. Takanori is a spunky student at Abingdon School For Boys where he wrestles with classes, complex roommates, social endeavors, and a schoolboy crush on his eccentric headmaster.
Notes: HOMG there's drama in this chapter! =O Erm, and I apologize for the lack of updates... It's been two weeks since I posted part 16. >_>
「previous parts」 | 「cast of characters」 | 「school map」

Part 17: Pre-Exam Anxiety

The first snow of the year fell after December rolled around the corner. The whole school was alive with anxiety over the approaching midterms, and the teachers were starting to show the obvious signs of stress that came around so close to the winter vacation. The stress and anxiety were buried under a blanket of excitement when everyone woke one morning to find the world painted white. They had to continue with their classes and activities as usual, of course, but the snow seemed to bring a promise of Christmas, and soon every student and teacher was chatting gaily about their winter holidays and the plans they had for them.

Gackt stood in front of his office window, watching the white flakes that had been floating down on and off all day. He had nowhere to go for the holiday, and that was a thought that often plagued him. He was always grumpiest around December because he had to endure his colleagues talking about their family and travel plans, while he reflected on all the past Christmases he’d spent alone—the upcoming one would be no exception. His parents had died already, and he had no brothers or sisters to speak of. His grandparents were much too old, and they lived in a different part of the world, so it wasn’t as if he could just drive a short distance to share a turkey dinner with them.

He sighed and touched a fingertip to the cold glass, watching as his breath created a foggy cloud. He removed his finger, and there was one clear circle directly in the middle of the fog. “You’re a piece of work,” he murmured to himself, walking the short distance to his desk. An envelope sat atop it, and inside was another anonymous love letter. He’d been sure to spritz some of his cologne over this one, though, so it was actually less anonymous than the first…

There was a knock on his open door, and he looked up to find Kyo Nishimura standing in the doorway, looking very uncomfortable and very out of place. “Yes?” He said, raising curious eyebrows, and none-too inconspicuously moving a piece of paper on top of the love letter.

Kyo cleared his throat. “Sir, I just wanted to ask you if it would be all right for me to stay here over the holiday. I heard it’s allowed, but I figured I should ask permission anyway.”

Gackt shrugged, clasping his hands behind his back. “Certainly, but why don’t you want to return home? Christmas would be much more fun at home with family than here with those of us teachers who have nowhere else to go. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you that the vast majority of students return home.”

Kyo nodded. “Of course I would prefer to go home, Sir, but my family really can’t afford for me to take a train or plane to get to Dodworth, so I’m afraid I’ll be stuck here.”

There was an interesting inflection of bitterness in his voice that Gackt new was owed him after the way he had treated the boy. He gave a nod before dismissing him with a wave of his hand. “Of course; in the future you won’t need to ask permission.”

Kyo nodded stiffly before walking briskly from the room. Gackt sighed and sat down in his chair. Unless Ayumi did him the service of staying, as she had done once or twice in the past, it looked like he would be stuck spending Christmas with the kitchen crew, Maude the librarian, and the one kid at Abingdon who seemed to hate his guts.

* * * * *

Kyo couldn’t help but feel incredibly awkward about what had transpired between he and Takanori in the library. He couldn’t look the other boy in the eye for almost a week afterward, and although they were still getting along fine, there was just something he didn’t like about the whole affair. On the one hand, he was glad Takanori hadn’t instantly latched onto him and begun acting like they were dating, as he had done the first time Kyo kissed him. Yet, at the same time, he felt a little bummed that Takanori was taking it as some casual happenstance.

As soon as they had fixed their appearances he had exclaimed, “Now let’s go make more smores since you completely destroyed mine!” Then he’d grabbed Kyo’s hand, and yanked him back out into the cold night air.

Little more than a week later, nothing had changed, aside from the fact that Takanori would sometimes flirt with him or kiss him when no one else was in the room. Kyo was finding this to be a problem, though. For one thing, it made him sick to think that Miyavi might have kissed Takanori at one point, and then there he was kissing Takanori later… Plus, one particularly steamy snogging fest had made him so hard he’d had to jerk off in the shower right afterward. He’d been utterly embarrassed to silently moan the other boy’s name when he came to the crescendo.

In fact, what was he doing thing about Takanori so much!? He snapped to attention, realizing he had been sitting in the library with his math book open in front of him, but he’d spent the last ten minutes on the same problem simply because his thoughts had been tormented by his cute roommate. “This is ridiculous,” he muttered to himself. “I’m fucking straight on top of it all! Why is this happening?”

He ran a hand over his forehead and through his hair, making it stand on end. He’d never even thought about a girl so much, and that was very scary to him. Of course, he was only making it all worse by giving in without so much as a fight every time Takanori wanted to make out or something, but he knew he would never turn him down anyway. That was also very terrifying.

A book bag fell on the table just then, and he leaped out of his chair, stepping backward and tripping over it to fall ungracefully to his rump. The noise was loud enough that Maude came scurrying over, scowling down at him. “This is a library, young man, and you will show it the proper respect!”

Kyo opened his mouth to reply, but then Takanori bent over him, and the words got lost somewhere between his brain and his voice box. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!” He said, stifling a laugh.

Kyo just sat up, nodding to both of them as he fixed his appearance and tried not to turn too red. Takanori righted the chair, and Kyo hurriedly sat back down on it, hunching over his math book, and pretending to be very interested in problem 48. Takanori sat in the seat beside him, and opened up the book bag. “Well,” he whispered as Maude walked away (still scowling), “I thought I would join you in studying. Toshiya and Miyavi have started their own private study group in our room, which means no studying will be done at all between the two of them. The only person Shinya will study with is Die, and I absolutely hate studying by myself. So that just leaves you and me! Is that okay?”

Kyo wanted to scream out, “NO, IT’S NOT OKAY! WHEN I’M AROUND YOU MY DICK GETS EXCITED AND I CAN’T STUDY FOR SHIT!” However, he figured that would be completely inappropriate and inarticulate, not to mention that it would get him kicked out of the library for the rest of his life, most likely. Instead he shrugged and mumbled a barely inaudible, “Sure.”

Takanori took out his math book, opening it up to the page Kyo was on. He sighed and scooted his chair closer to Kyo’s, unintentionally causing Kyo’s palms to sweat. “See,” he said, pointing to a problem on Kyo’s page, “I just don’t understand that. Where did you get those numbers?”

Kyo cleared his throat, trying to stay focused. Where did he get those numbers? He stared the problem down intently before realizing what he’d done. “Oh, I just reduced. Three goes into three once, and it goes into twenty-seven nine times, see?”

“What about the x? How did you get rid of it?” Takanori leaned even closer, nearly pressing his nose to Kyo’s paper.

Kyo felt as though his skin was bursting into flame; he rubbed his cheeks, and tried his best to answer the other boy’s question. “Well, the numerator had an x squared, didn’t it? So I reduced those as well.”

Takanori looked up at him with a furrowed brow. “But they’re letters. How the hell can you reduce letters?”

“Because they’re only masquerading as letters. They’re numbers in disguise. Come on, this is elementary, my dear Takanori.”

Takanori chuckled, the sound sending pleasant goose bumps up Kyo’s spine. “I still don’t understand how it can work that way.”

Kyo shrugged. “You don’t have to understand it. It’s math, meaning it’s full of rules. If you simply follow the rules, you don’t have to know why things work the way they do, just know that…they do.”

Takanori sighed and leaned his head against Kyo’s shoulder. “You’re too smart for me, Kyo. Don’t you think this studying is boring? Can’t we do something else?”

Kyo was already having trouble willing his hormones to stay in check before Takanori decided to feel up his thigh under the table. He thought that in a perfect world he would be able to pick him up, throw him down on the table, and simply take him hard and fast without there being any consequences. Unfortunately, no such utopia existed to his knowledge, and he knew there would certainly be consequences if he did such a thing. Every sensible voice in his head was saying synchronically, “Obviously you’ll have to tell him to knock it off and get back to studying. Midterms are practically tomorrow, and you can’t afford to push off any study time!” So naturally, Kyo listened to the one insensible voice, and said quietly, “Then let’s pack up these books and go somewhere more private.”

Takanori looked practically giddy at that, and he was quick to comply with Kyo’s suggestion. They hurriedly put their books away, put on their jackets, slung their bags over their shoulders, and left the main school building. Kyo wasn’t sure where they could find privacy since Toshiya and Miyavi were apparently in their room, but it didn’t matter because Takanori led the way. He brought them to the garden, which was very vacant, considering the cold day and the snow that rested on everything. “Are you sure there’s nowhere we can go that’s inside?”

Takanori set his bag on the bench, and then took Kyo’s from him so he could set it there as well. “I think the cold won’t matter,” he said in a mere whisper, his breath coming out in a white mist.

Kyo swallowed, but accepted Takanori into his arms as they engaged in their umpteenth round of tonsil hockey. He was feeling very discontent, though. It didn’t do to try enjoying a make out session while thinking of all the math equations he still had to master before the midterm…

* * * * *

Die and Shinya’s study session had turned into something quite like Kyo and Takanori’s. Since Die’s other roommates were all absent from his room, they’d decided to take up residence there. At first they really had been studying. Shinya was insistent that they go over the millions of terms they would need to know for their biology exam, and Die found himself having trouble resisting those big, brown eyes…

However, even Shinya’s resolve had crumbled the closer they had found themselves. They had been originally sitting across from each other on the floor, legs crossed Indian style. Eventually they were leaning against Die’s bed right beside each other, Shinya’s knees drawn up to his chest while Die’s long legs were stretched out in front of him. Their conversation had shifted from the bones in the human body to completely unrelated things. “I didn’t know all of that about different positions,” Shinya said after Die explained to him the different benefits and downfalls to various positions during intercourse. His eyes were wide, and he was slightly flushed after talking about such things with his boyfriend, no less.

Die nodded, a smile pulling up the corners of his mouth. “Yup. I learned it from a girl, who showed me exactly what she was talking about.” He paused to laugh. “That was the best sex ed class I’ve ever had!”

Shinya looked down at their abandoned textbooks, feeling uncomfortable at the mention of a girl. After all, part of him was having trouble wrapping his mind around how Die could like him so suddenly when he had liked so many girls before him. He might have been feminine in his own way, but he wasn’t a girl, and Die couldn’t pretend for one minute that he really was…

“Sorry,” Die said suddenly. “That was really inappropriate for me to say to you…”

Shinya shrugged and gave him a smile. “No, no…you know, I’ve probably had sex with more guys than you have girls.”

Die guffawed. “Yeah right! No offense, Shin, but I’m the biggest player around. Girls get in line to sleep with me.”

Shinya cocked his head. “I’m not a girl.”

Die’s smile faltered. “Well, no, but—“

“So why are you with me?”

Die looked over at him, swallowing a large lump in his throat. Somehow ”So I can tap your fine ass since I’ve heard so many great stories about how you are in the sack” seemed very much the wrong thing to say. He felt a blush tinge his cheeks, while at the same time a bitter taste filled his mouth. “Because I like you,” he said stupidly.

Shinya chuckled and reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers. “But why?”

Die smiled. “Well, because you’re sweet, fun, cute…and I could say more, too. Why do you want to know? Are you worried because I usually go out with girls? You’re my boyfriend right now, Shinya, and I wouldn’t have asked you to be if I didn’t think the world of you.”

He was only somewhat satisfied when a deep blush painted Shinya’s cheeks, and he looked down with a shy, “Thank you, Die…”

Die shifted uncomfortably, and pressed his lips to Shinya’s head briefly, seriously unsure of what to say next. He’d never lied so elaborately to get a girl in bed with him, and he couldn’t help the growing feeling of guilt and dread that was creeping through his bones. What disturbed him most, though, was the feeling of endearment he was starting to get whenever he spent time with Shinya, or simply looked over at him. Every time he’d catch the other boy’s gaze in class he would feel a strange sort of feeling spiraling from his stomach up to his heart; it was even worse when Shinya blushed.

“Die,” Shinya spoke slowly, almost carefully, “I want to do something for you.”

Die smiled at him and raised a quizzical eyebrow. “Like what?”

Shinya gave him a coy smile, and first kissed him gently on the lips. Die kissed back, practically trying to pull the other onto his lap in his attempt to turn the kiss more passionate. Their tongues wrestled only briefly, though, before Shinya pulled away. He continued to give Die that sinfully innocent smile before he slipped his hand past the waistband of Die’s sweatpants. Die gasped, truly surprised by his boyfriend’s actions. “Whoa, what are you doing?”

Shinya continued to smile, and took Die’s stiffening length into his hand. “I’m making you hard before I suck you off,” he whispered.

Die felt a shiver of excitement and pleasure, and he wrapped his arm around Shinya’s waist so he could pull him closer, their lips once again crushing together. He tried to kiss with his usual exuberance, but Shinya was very skilled with his hand, and the harder he became, the harder it was for him to concentrate on moving his lips. At last he wasn’t kissing back at all, but was simply panting and letting Shinya’s lips move against his. This seemed to tell Shinya he was ready, because he removed his hand then. The flirtatious smile returned to his face, and he quietly instructed for Die to lift his hips before he pulled down his pants and boxers just enough. “Shinya,” Die spoke again, feeling uncomfortable because of his ulterior motives, “are you sure you want to? I mean…I mean, we’ve only just started dating…”

Shinya laughed lightly and brought his mouth close to Die’s ear. “It’s a sign of how much I like you, Daisuke Andou,” he breathed before kissing the lobe.

Die shivered, but he had no intentions of postponing their act any longer. He watched as Shinya knelt down in front of him, grasping the base of his cock before taking it as far into his mouth as he could. A gasp escaped the redhead’s throat, and he gripped the carpet as he tried not to move his hips; he didn’t want to gag Shinya.

Shinya had given enough blowjobs, though; he knew what he was doing, and he did it very well. His tongue swirled over Die’s tip before he swallowed him, and then released him. Die felt his head fall back against the bed, and his eyes closed. “Shinya,” he murmured, “do that again…”

So Shinya did, at the same time bringing one hand up to lazily stroke Die’s balls. He groaned and thrust his hips out, which Shinya seemed prepared for, too. He didn’t swallow Die again, but he allowed Die to thoroughly violate his mouth until the older boy started to pant and managed to say, “Sh-Shin, I’m coming…”

Shinya pulled away then, and used his hand to finish the job, straightening up and pressing his lips to Die’s neck. Die moaned Shinya’s name as he released, and then his body went lax and he sighed in contentment. “Shinya, you’re amazing. Miyav—“ He swallowed, feeling his heart jump into his throat; without even thinking he had almost added, ”Miyavi was right!”

Shinya didn’t seem to notice his slip of the tongue, though, and he just lifted his head to kiss Die on the lips again. Die kissed back, but he was feeling worse than ever.

* * * * *

Sunday night was not a happy one because the very following day marked the beginning of the exams. The teachers were all enjoying their sleep, but the students certainly weren’t; by the time eleven had fallen on the grounds, not a single student wasn’t studying. A large study group was taking up residence in the library, much to Maude’s annoyance. Gackt always allowed the students to stay in the library up until midnight during finals week, a rule that the librarian had begged him to change every year since he started as the Headmaster of Abingdon.

Only Kaoru and Kyo were not in the large study group that consisted of all of their roommates. This was because half of what they were doing was studying, and half of what they were doing was fretting. Every fifteen minutes or so Takanori would moan, “I’ll never get this!” or Shinya would shriek, “Do you think they’ll really ask this on a test!?” Each time that happened, Sunao ordered everyone to put their pencils down so they could have a group therapy session in the form of a pep talk. Both Kaoru and Kyo found it dragging them down, so they abandoned the others and took up residence upstairs.

Kyo hadn’t slept for the last two nights because he’d been so worried about his finals. As much as Takanori nervously talked about the exams, or as much as some of the others would whine about how hard they were, he felt they were much more prepared than he was. After all, it was his first time to take such difficult exams, and he couldn’t help feeling like the pressure he felt on all sides would build to a point and crush him mercilessly. He’d received a load of letters from his family all wishing him luck and announcing that they knew he could do it. The kitchen crew had served soup for dinner that night, and he’d had half a mind to drown himself in his bowl.

“Okay, I can’t find this in any of my notes,” Kaoru interrupted his thoughts. “During what century did Hatshepsut reign in Egypt?

“I-I—hang on—“ Kyo began rifling through his history notes, though he didn’t even know where to begin looking for that bit of information. “Do you think they’d ask us to remember that?”

“Who the hell knows,” Kaoru said with a sigh. “I think they purposely pick out the most obscure questions for these history tests.”

Kyo swallowed. For some reason his heart was pounding very erratically, and it was almost scaring him. “I can’t seem to find that—“

“Never mind then,” Kaoru said. “I’m tired of studying history anyway. Let’s take turns reciting all twenty-seven bones in the human hand.”

“What!?” Kyo gasped. “They don’t expect us to know all of them, do they?”

Kaoru let out a mirthless laugh. “I heard from a seventh year that they give you a diagram of the human hand and you have to fill in the blanks telling what the missing bone names are. The problem is that they change the tests every year, so no one knows which bones they’ll be asking about this year.”

Kyo stared at Kaoru. For some reason the other’s voice sounded far away, as though he was hearing him while under water. He swallowed and reached for his pencil, accidentally knocking it to the floor. Kaoru gave him an odd look. “Are you okay, Kyo? You’re shaking something awful.”

“I-I’m fine,” Kyo stammered, clenching his fists and shutting his eyes. His heart was racing, and he felt unbelievably antsy.

“Kyo, get a grip,” Kaoru spoke again, and this time Kyo felt him grab his arm. “You’re practically starting into a seizure here. What the hell’s wrong?”

“I don-don’t know,” Kyo gasped, suddenly finding it very hard to breathe.

He opened his eyes to look back at Kaoru, but he was breathing so rapidly that it was starting to interfere with the flow of oxygen to his brain. Kaoru was getting fuzzy. He grabbed Kyo’s other arm, and shook him gently. “Kyo, calm down! You’re hyperventilating!”

Kyo opened his mouth to reply, but all that came out was a choking sound. Kaoru couldn’t believe what was happening right in front of him. Kyo’s whole body seized up, and he would have slid out of his chair if Kaoru hadn’t helped him to the floor. He raced to the stairs and flew down them two at a time. “I need help up here!” He yelled. “Somebody get a teacher or the headmaster!”

Takanori shot out of his chair and ran to the stairs, pushing past Kaoru so he could run up them. Maude picked up a phone and called someone on it while Toshiyuki sped out of the library, returning shortly with Ayumi, who had been in her office, finishing up some stuff before bed. “What’s happened?” She called, dashing over to Kaoru.

“It’s Kyo!” Kaoru exclaimed, leading the way up the stairs, all his roommates and Kyo’s and Ayumi following behind him. “It’s like…I don’t know, like he started having a seizure or something!”

They found him still on the floor, gasping for breath, curled into a ball and shaking as though ridden with hypothermia. Takanori was beside him, practically in tears as he tried to shake him out of it. “Kyo, what’s wrong?” He cried.

“He’s not helping,” Ayumi pointed out right away.

Hiroshi grabbed Takanori’s shoulders and pulled him away. Die brought Shinya into a hug when he started to cry. Toshiya and Miyavi grabbed hands, and Sunao and Toshiyuki exchanged worried glances. Ayumi knelt down in front of Kyo. “Kyo,” she said, her voice soft and comforting, “Kyo, I need you to look at my eyes.”

Kyo did as he was told, turning his wide eyes to Ayumi’s calm ones. She grabbed one of his clenched fists with one hand, and gently pressed the palm of her other hand to his cheek. “Listen to me: you are going to calm down right now. There’s no need for this. Breathe.”

It was like magic; Kyo blinked rapidly and very slowly started to breathe properly again. He stopped shaking harshly so that soon he was only trembling. A couple of tears squeezed out of his eyes, and he croaked out, “What—I don’t know what hap-happened—“

“It’s okay,” said Ayumi, her voice still calm and soothing. “I’ve seen this happen two other times. You had a panic attack over the exams. It happens. Fortunately since I’ve seen it happen, I know what to do.”

“What did you do!?” Takanori burst, looking quite like Hiroshi’s boyfriend from the way he was being held back in the other boy’s arms.

Ayumi kept her gaze locked with Kyo’s, but answered Takanori’s question. “When someone starts to go into a panic attack like this, the best thing to do to stop it before it gets bad is to make eye-contact and firmly tell them to calm down and breathe. Any time I’ve done it, it works; it’s exactly how you would speak to someone autistic who zones out on you.”

“I’m sorry,” Kyo managed, slowly pulling himself into a sitting position.

They heard the thundering sound of footsteps on the stairs at that moment, and Gackt came into view. “What happened?” He asked, completely out of breath, flushed from the cold outside, his worried gaze darting to every pale face in the room.

Ayumi gave him a smile. “Oh, Kyo just had a small panic attack about tomorrow’s exams. I think he’ll be fine with a little rest. Kyo, would you mind sleeping in the infirmary just for tonight? I’d like the nurse to keep an eye on you, if only to make sure that you sleep tonight.”

Kyo nodded, finally turning a shade of pink in his embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“It’s all right,” Ayumi reassured him again. “It happens, and I’m not at all surprised you panicked since you’re brand new to these exams and all.”

“You don’t need to worry, Kyo,” Takanori jumped in. “You’re, like, the smartest kid in all our classes!”

“Yeah,” the others all said at once, trying desperately to give him some added assurance.

Kyo nodded, allowing Ayumi to help him to his feet. His legs felt like lead, so he instantly sat down in his chair because he knew he would fall over otherwise. “I can’t really stand,” he said quietly, still looking rather humiliated.

“I’ll walk him over to the infirmary, Professor,” Takanori said to Ayumi.

Ayumi smiled at his eagerness, and gave a single nod. Hiroshi finally released Takanori, and he hurried over to Kyo, helping him stand up again. He immediately started rambling about how awful the whole experience had been, how he’d been worried Kyo was dying, how he loved the infirmary beds because they were much more comfortable than the ones in the dormitory, how he’d be visiting him often until the nurse let him out, etceteras. The others accompanied the two down the stairs, so Kyo ended up getting a whole escort over to the infirmary.

Ayumi sighed and turned to the table, gathering up Kyo and Kaoru’s books for them. “Poor thing,” she murmured. “It must be so hard from him, coming from such a small town as Dodworth. Can you imagine the expectations he’s placing on himself?”

“No,” Gackt murmured, sitting down in a chair. “I’m sure he finds the exams daunting, though. Even students who’ve been here for years get paralyzed with fear during finals week.”

“Yes,” Ayumi said. “I’m just glad his roommates have warmed up to him. In the beginning he thought they never would. Shinya started to cry, though, and you should have seen Takanori when we all came up here!” She shook her head. “He looked as though he really did think Kyo was going to die.”

“Those two have gotten particularly close, haven’t they?” Gackt wondered aloud, rubbing his chin.

Ayumi turned red and grinned, looking at her friend. “Indeed! This is not really something you tell people, but I spotted them snogging out in the garden earlier!” She giggled. “It was so cute!”

Gackt looked over at her and peevishly snapped, “And since when have you been a fan of that sort of thing?”

She sighed and put her hands on her hips. “You’re just upset because Kyo won him over before you could get your greedy hands on him. If Takanori is happy, you should just leave them be, you great brute!”

“I intend to!” Gackt shouted without even meaning to.

“Please keep your voice down, Headmaster!” Called a disgruntled voice from downstairs. “This is a library, for goodness sake!”

“Sorry, Maude,” Gackt replied before turning back to Ayumi. “I have no plans to tear apart a blossoming relationship for my own diabolical means. If they are truly together and Takanori is truly happy, then I have no choice but to let them be.”

Ayumi looked surprised, but her expression softened as she scooped up three bags and made for the stairs. “Good for you, Gackt,” she said simply.

He stopped her and took all three bags, giving her his pearly grin before saying, “Allow me to be the gentleman. Ladies first, you know.”

She blushed and went down the stairs, mentally kicking herself for blushing in front of the man she’d desired to be with since she’d met him. “I still think you’re a great brute,” she said.

He followed behind her, huffing and puffing under the weight of all the books. “That’s…fair,” he panted.

And with that they made for the infirmary, leaving behind a scowling librarian.

Part 18

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Notes: 1) Gackt's cologne is Platinum Egoiste. *o* I smelled it one time at Macy's. Oh yes. I know what Gackt smells like.
2) I'm sorry Toshiya and Miyavi have sort of disappeared from these recent chapters. They will be returning. >_>
3) So is Gackt really done persuing Takanori? *shifty eyes*