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Entry tags:	crossover, dir en grey, hitch series, the unexpected mishap

Dir en grey - Kaoru/Kyo - The Unexpected Mishap - 6/?
Title: The Unexpected Mishap
Author: sadie_k_adder or Shuichi
Genre: Romance/Action/Humor/etc
Pairings: Kaoru/Kyo, among others
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sexual content (obviously), language, violence, fluff, Gackt, sillyness beyond your wildest dreams
Summary: AU. Crossover. Mishap: an unfortunate and possibly unforeseen accident; see "hitch."
Notes: This part isn't quite as long because I was rushing to get to a stopping point before leaving for work. I tried to make up for it with humor--namely on Gackt's part. XD; I haven't proofread it, though, so I'll do that in a few hours. I hope it's okay. >_>; All proofread! ^^V
Cast of Characters || About The Series || FANATICAL A fansite! || hitch_fans

Part 6: The Lying Little Devil

The moment Kyo got in his car, he let his head rest against the steering wheel as a couple of tears squeezed out of it. “What am I thinking?” He murmured to himself. “I should just go in there and apologize for acting the way I did. Is that so hard?”

Yet, for some reason it was hard—harder than he would have liked to admit. He sat there for ten minutes before he finally started the car and headed out. He didn’t know where he was going, though. He didn’t actually want to go to Kirito’s. He liked his partner well enough, but he didn’t have enough faith in himself. After hearing my demeaning words, he was just too certain that he would screw up and let Kirito do anything to him to ease his pain.

First he just drove aimlessly, but finally he figured out a destination and within a few more minutes he was pulling up in front of Gackt’s castle. He pressed the button on the intercom, and after a long while heard a little voice he was not expecting to hear. “Hi hi! Who’s it?”

He blinked a few times before finally saying, “It’s Kyo… Mina-chan? Is that you?”

“Hi hi, Kyo-chan!”

A voice in the background called, “Mina? What did I say about playing with Gacchan’s things?”

Mina’s voice next sounded a little further away, as though she’d turned her head. “I just answer for you!”

“No, you never play with—“

Gackt’s voice interrupted Hyde’s then. “You just answered, Mina-chan. You’re speaking in a past tense.”

Mina started to try again. “I just answ—“

“Oh, for God’s sake, Gackt,” Hyde burst in, sounding exacerbated. Next Kyo heard his voice over the intercom. “Hello, I’m sorry about my daughter. She’s become quite precocious… Can I help you?”

“Hi, it’s Kyo,” Kyo said, feeling a little cheered up from hearing Gackt and Hyde’s domestic problems.

“Oh, hi, Kyo. What brings you around to—“

“Did you say Kyo?” Called Gackt’s voice from somewhere in the distance. “Are you talking to my delightful, old friend?”

Kyo could almost hear Hyde rolling his eyes as he answered, “I’m dealing with it, just keep scooping up the—hey!”

Gackt’s voice came in loud and clear next. “Herrrro, Kyo-kun! How are you this evening?”

Kyo sighed. “Gackt, I just want to come inside and stay the night.”

“Of course! Come right on through!”

The gate opened up, and Kyo sped forward before they could say more on the intercom. He parked and got out, finding his face smothered in Gackt’s cologne-drenched chest almost immediately after he’d shut the car door. “Oh my dearest peanut butter cup, I’m so glad you could come to visit us!”

Kyo felt a little awkward, but he reminded himself that it was Gackt, and this was normal. “Thanks,” he said to Gackt’s chest.

“Oh, would you let him go already!? You’re going to suffocate the poor man!” Said Hyde, sounding slightly agitated.

When Kyo was free of Gackt’s wiry arms and overpowering scent, he saw that Hyde was standing a few paces away, holding Mina on his hip. “Kyo-chan!” Mina cried, reaching for him.

Kyo felt a blush stain his cheeks as he allowed Hyde to hand the little girl to him. Hyde was looking suspicious, though, and Kyo learned why when he asked, “So why do you need somewhere to stay the night? Don’t you have an apartment? One that you share with Kaoru?”

There was a pause while Kyo averted his gaze, Hyde stared him down thoughtfully, Mina cooed something about barn animals, and Gackt looked puzzled. At last he gave a great gasp and exclaimed, “Oh no, Kyo-kun, are you and Kaoru-kun fighting again?”

Kyo’s face burned at the emphasis Gackt put on “again.” He sent a glare at the other man. “Look, it was just a little fight and—“

But Gackt gasped once more. “Then why aren’t you at the apartment trying to resolve it?” He sighed and reached over, setting his palm on Kyo’s shoulder and looking him deep in the eyes. “You know, Kyo-kun, the best remedy for an argument is a reconciliation,” he said slowly and exuberantly, as though he were offering profound words of unknown wisdom.

Kyo stared at him for a minute before offering a slight smile. “Uh…thanks, Gakkun. You always know just what to say.”

“Moooooove!” Mina squealed, trying desperately to push Gackt’s hand off Kyo’s shoulder.

Hyde rolled his eyes and turned back toward the castle. “All right, let’s get you set up in a guest room then.”

“Ah, and then perhaps you’d like some dinner?” Gackt offered, slipping an arm around Kyo’s shoulders and leading him inside (as though he’d never been there before). “Perhaps after that we could indulge in some music, and close the evening by reading tarot cards around the fire. Mina is very good at that.”

“Mina is very good at WHAT!?” Hyde exploded.

Kyo sighed, wishing he’d just gone to Kirito’s. At least if he’d screwed up and let his partner do something it would have been more fun than listening to Gackt and Hyde argue about Mina reading tarot cards.

* * * * *

It was a long night. The absence of Aisuru and Itami-chan was almost as bad as having Kyo elsewhere. At least when he left in the past the cats had been there to form a comforting presence. But the apartment was deathly silent without Aisuru running around at odd hours of the night, and the bed was depressingly empty without Itami-chan sleeping on my feet. For the longest time I was just wide awake, staring at the empty spot beside me, at the fluffy pillow that usually had Kyo’s beautiful head indenting it. “You need to do this, Kaoru,” I told myself, feeling a little better by talking to myself. “This will be better for your relationship in the end. Just snuff it up, and be a man for once.”

I turned over so I wouldn’t have to look at the place Kyo usually occupied. After staring fruitlessly at the floor for possibly another hour, I finally drifted off to sleep.

When I awoke the next morning it was because I could feel a hand treading through my hair. My eyes were still closed, but I smiled and reached up to touch the soft hand. “Good morning, Kyo. I’m surprised you’re back so soon. I thought you were more stubborn than that.”

Kyo said nothing, but I felt him kiss my forehead. I chuckled. “Does that mean you’re sorry? Can we carry on like nothing happened?”

“Of course, my darling! Now fuck me right here, right now!”

That was NOT Kyo. My eyes snapped open and Maya swam into view, an annoyingly adorable smirk on his face. He removed his hand. “Good morning, Mr. Date Doctor!”

“Good lord!” I burst, falling off the bed in my attempt to get away from him. “How did you get here!?” I hurriedly bounced to my feet.

He chuckled and stood as well. “Well, I’m very crafty, you know. I tried the door, and since you left it unlocked, I just opened it and walked in.”

I blushed at my own idiocy, but said, “Well, that was still wrong!”

He shrugged and came closer to me, eyeing me curiously. “You look different today. Did you get a face transplant?”

My jaw dropped and I stared at him like he was mad. “Are you mad? Of course not! I just had my hair cut and dyed!”

He nodded in understanding. “Oh, I see. It really changed your whole face. You look more like a man now. A sexy man.”

I ran into the wall behind me when he pressed up against me and groped me through the sweatpants I was wearing. “What the—“

He turned around and walked out of the bedroom. “Anyway, I came over here to try again. I kind of like you, you see, so I want to give you another chance to hook me back up with Miyavi before I really start to play dirty.”

I followed him, crossing my arms over my chest and pretending I wasn’t just a little turned on from him touching me. I have a sensitive dick, okay!? “Well, my answer stays the same,” I said shortly.

He turned around and smiled at me. “I thought you might say that! So where’s your beau?”

I blinked. “What? You mean—well, that’s none of your business, is it?”

He chuckled, and plopped down on the couch, picking up the remote and turning on the television. “It’s okay, I can put two and two together. I have to meet this Kirito guy. He sounds like a hottie.”

I stared at him, struggling to form a proper sentence. How did he know who Kirito was? How did he know what had happened with he, Kyo and I yesterday? WHERE WAS HE GETTING HIS INFORMATION!? I marched over to him, and grabbed the remote, trying to pull it from his grasp. “I want you out of my apartment,” I seethed.

“It’s not your apartment,” he countered, pulling back on the remote.

“Well, that doesn’t matter, now give me the remote and get out!” I yelled.

He pulled extra hard, but I held tight to the remote and ended up falling right on top of him. “Oh, Kaoru-san, don’t be so rough with me!” He moaned. “Ohhh, ahhh!”

I’m sure my whole body blushed as I tried furiously to get off of him. I only ended up sending us both into an ungraceful heap on the floor. It was at that very unfortunate moment that I heard Hide’s voice shriek, “Kaoru! What in heaven’s name are you doing!?”

“I’m not doing anything!” I defended, rolling over and finally disentangling myself from Maya. I had the remote, too, and I stood up, using it to turn off the television. “It was this-this-this—“ But I was really having trouble coming up with good nouns that would fully describe Maya.

Hide dropped a plastic grocery bag on the couch, and hurried around it to help Maya up. “Are you okay, Maya-kun? Good grief, Kaoru, put that thing back in your pants.”

I was startled to realize he was talking about me, and when I looked down I saw that my semi-stiff cock was hanging out of my open fly. I couldn’t remember it getting semi-stiff, and I couldn’t remember my fly getting open so I was both shocked and embarrassed. I hurriedly stuffed it back inside (which was hella painful) and zipped up my pants. “This is not how it looks,” I said vehemently, my face paling when I realized how it “looked.”

Hide just gave me a deeply reprimanding glance and said, “I had no idea you would just leap on someone you don’t know yet! Are you sure you’re okay, Maya-kun?” He resumed brushing Maya off, though there was no need.

I had to hand it to Maya for his brilliant acting. His face was flushed, and he looked slightly breathless as he said, “Oh, yes, I’m fine…” He was ogling me, though.

I turned to look behind me, and so did Hide, but there was no one back there he could have been staring at. Hide gasped and shook his head. “Oh, no, no, Maya, don’t go falling for Kaoru, now. He’s got a life partner, okay?”

“Oh really?” Maya asked, looking a mixture of surprised and crestfallen.

DAMN he was good. That’s when I snapped back to reality and exclaimed, “You little SHIT! You’re the biggest and best liar I’ve ever heard of! I want you out of my apartment and out of my life for GOOD.”

Hide gasped, his eyes rounding as he stared at me. “Kaoru! For God—er, I mean, for pity’s sake! What—“

Then Maya started to cry! He quickly wiped the tears away, and looked down. “I’m sorry, Kaoru-san, I didn’t mean to—“

“You little—I’ll kill you!” I charged at him, but Hide quickly stepped in between us, pushing me back. “Stop it, Kaoru!” He all-but roared at me.

Then something else hit me—it hit me like a ton of bricks. “How the hell do you know him?” I asked Hide, scratching my head and probably looking like a retard.

Hide chuckled. “Oh, it’s a long story! He’s actually going to be renting out a room in Yoshiki’s house for a little while.” He leaned forward and whispered, “He’s having financial and relationship troubles.”

I stared. “But he…he’s doing it on purpose! It’s too ironic! He’s just using you, Hide!”

Hide snorted, and turned away from me, apparently thinking the conversation was getting ridiculous. He picked up the grocery bag on the couch. “Honestly, Kaoru, the things you come up with… Why would he ever do that?” He shot an amused glance at Maya, who shrugged innocently (and cutely, the damn motherfucker).

“Because, he’s trying to get me! He wants me to hook him back up with Miyavi, and apparently he’ll stop at nothing to ensure that—“

But I stopped because Hide was laughing. He was laughing. Maya joined in, still looking so cute and innocent I could slap him. “That’s funny,” he said, making a goofy face. “I’ve never even met Kaoru-san before today,” he said to Hide.

I let out a huge gasp and stared at him. “What!? You lying little devil!”

I pushed him hard enough that he fell backward onto the couch. Hide stepped up again, putting a hand on my chest. “Honestly, Kaoru…if you don’t stop advancing on him he’s going to get the wrong idea.”

“HE IS THE BAD GUY, YOU DOLT!” I roared.

He glared and shoved the plastic bag into my arms. “I don’t appreciate the name-calling, Kaoru. I came over here to bring you those products for your hair. You better be careful, though, karma’s cruel. It’ll probably make all your hair fall out. Come on, Maya-kun.”

He extended Maya a hand, helped him up, and they both made for the door. I stared after him, completely shocked by what had just transpired. “You—Hide, wait… You’re not even supposed to believe in karma!” I shouted just before the door shut.

* * * * *

When Kyo awoke the next morning, he found Gackt sitting at the side of his bed. He instinctively brought the covers up to his chin. Gackt just gave him a charming grin. “Good morrow, sweet Kyo-kun! I’ve already made an agenda for the day. Unfortunately my photo shoot throws a wrench in it, but I’ve planned it so that we can have a great time before and after then. First, I’ve made you breakfast.” He gestured to a tray perched on Kyo’s thighs. “Then I figured we could go for a romp in the woods around ten. There’s snow, of course, and you know that the snow pixies tend to come out at this time. After we’ve left a wish with them, we can take Mina and Hacchan out for some lunch. I think we should try this new Indian place in central Tokyo. I hear they serve the best poached elephant, but of course, I could never eat a whole elephant so you can order that, and I’ll just pick off of your plate. Then I have my photo shoot, but Hacchan and Mina would love to put on a puppet show for you at that time. I still have to let them know, of course… When I return I’ll let Hyde and Mina have some private time so I can take you out for dinner myself—we can catch up then! Ah, two old friends having Mongolian barbecue on the beach! Then we’ll rent a submarine and go deep sea diving. If all permits, we should be back here by ten in the evening, and then we can sit in front of the fireplace and roast marshmallows while we discuss politics, such as why America insists on warring in the Middle East and who Simon will boot off of American Idol next. How does that sound to you?”

Kyo stared, absolutely dumbstruck. “Er…well, thanks for the breakfast and all, but…well, I should be getting back to Kaoru, I think.”

Gackt gasped, and nodded, setting his clipboard aside, and taking Kyo’s hand in both of his. “Very selfless thinking, Kyo-kun! You could have a pleasant day with myself, but you would choose to return to Kaoru-kun’s unmannered presence! I commend you! What exactly will you say to him?”

Kyo was still staring, somewhere in the back of his mind trying to fathom why he’d ever gone out with Gackt once before… “Well, I don’t know, really… I guess I-I could…” But the more he thought about it, the more he found he really didn’t know. “Gackt, I’m much too stubborn to apologize for something like what he’s suggesting. I don’t think I was in the wrong! Is there anyway I can fix things without…that?” He felt stupid even suggesting such a thing.

Gackt pulled one hand away from Kyo’s so he could make quite the display out of rubbing his chin. “Very interesting thought, Kyo-kun… Have you ever heard the aphorism: ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder?’ Wait—that is how it goes, isn’t it? Or is it ‘Absence makes the heart grow colder?’”

“No, it’s the first one,” Kyo sighed, rolling his eyes.

Gackt’s confident smile returned. “Yes, then perhaps a clever scheme would be to stay away for a few more days—possibly even a week! Your true love will yearn for you…he will seek you out and apologize!”

Kyo blinked curiously at Gackt a few times, and then smiled widely. “Hey, that’s not a bad idea, Gakkun! I forgot you do have a brain locked up inside that handsome head of yours,” he knocked on Gackt’s forehead, chuckling gaily.

Gackt chuckled with him, and then stood up, retrieving his clipboard. “Well, devour your breakfast, then! I have planned in at least forty-five minutes for you to shower and dress, so you may want to hurry. We can rendezvous in the downstairs parlor at five till ten, and then go for a romp in the woods!”

With that, he sashayed gracefully from the room. Kyo shook his head, but sat up and started into his breakfast. “I’ll say one thing for Gackt,” he said through the bacon he’d just shoved into his mouth. “He at least knows how to make me laugh.

Part 7

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Notes: 1) I really like Maya. XD